Struggling with alcoholic bf

I'm having trouble dealing with my alcoholic bf right now, I just don't know what to do. The only perspectives I get are from people who say hes dirt and hes not going to change so just leave him before he hurts you again. I was wondering if there was anyone who was an alcoholic themselves or have been in my situation that wouldn't mind private messaging me to chat for a little bit?

Maybe I should add more info...my bf admits he has a problem and says he will change, yet he keeps slipping. I know I cannot make him stop drinking or make him change, but would it be appropriate to ask him to go see a counsellor, even if he doesn't really want to?

Maybe you can do what is often done with people who are ambivalent about seeking treatment...make a demand and offer him a choice. Demand that he seeks counseling with the choice being that you will stay with him if he does, but will not stay with him if he doesn't. Just a thought. Good luck. I wish there were more replies here for you.

Thank you for your reply. I think I may do this. I have thought of it, as when we got into it last week after an incident I stated I wanted him to seek counselling. Thank you again.

Hi ~ I'm a recovering alcoholic, and you can demand all day long, or threaten, or beg, bargain, etc., and it won't do any good. He MAY end up going to a counselor just to make you feel better, but he STILL won't quit drinking until HE is ready to quit. HE has got to hit is bottom, which can be very deep. He evidently hasn't lost enough, like his home, job, family,car, license, etc. Some people don't live long enough to hit bottom - and I'm sorry to say that but it's true.

Nina, you're relationship is just going to be one heartache after another. Your best bet would be to GET OUT. I'd walk away, and perhaps after he's gotten sober and has some sober time under his belt, you two can get together again, but for now, I'd get out of this relationship. The only thing you're going to get out of this is pain & heartache and LIES. Maybe he'll get sober and maybe he won't. Only time will tell. I wish you the very best. You can private message me anytime. I'll be happy to talk to you. God bless. Hugs, Lee

Lost his ex-gf, car, license...I guess I'm worried as to what will be enough. Thank you Lee for your reply

Hey nina, I am a recovering alcoholic. And Leed pretty much hit it on the head. However my last run wasn't my bottom. I did not lose everything in my life when deciding to go to AA. But I would have if I kept going on the way I was.

My husband has been wanting me to stop since we've been together. Granted my drinking stopped being 7 days a week within the last 6 years but it would still occur and I would binge often. He's attempted the nice route with me, threats to end our marriage, and many other things. None of it ever worked because I have a diease that I can not control. I've hurt my husband many times during my use and of course I never intended on doing so. The last time I just had a enough of myself and truly wanted to stop. Again it wasn't my worst run. I just felt different when I came home that morning. And the look of defeat in my husbands eyes really hit me harder than ever. I expected to be screamed at but he was just so lost at that point.

Not sure if your bf has attempted AA yet, but he should. However if he isn't ready, he isn't ready. I tried to go when I was 23 once but told myself I was too young at the time. Any excuse means we just aren't ready to surrender. AA works if you work it. So if he honestly wants to change and stop, maybe he should go to a meeting in your area. And just listen.

I wish you the best. I hope your bf gets the help he needs.

...ultimatums bring out the best of the worst in people,

as long as it's clear the ramifications...

sometimes you gotta hurt someone to show them how to love you back

Hi Nina, I tried to pm you, but I'm not able to until I have 3 posts. I have posted two so far, I would love to help answer any questions you have or let you vent. I was with an alcoholic for 20 years, so if you'd like to chat feel free to do so. I'll try to get you my email address after I'm able to DM you.

Thank you so much. That would be great

It's quite hard to stop drinking if someone is already used to it, his or her body will likely find and need alcohol just like water. Though seeking a help from a counselor may help but it is not 100% effective because it involves with self discipline.