[jamesH]

Im in college, so liquor is around a lot and i get it when i want. Alcoholism runs in my family. I self medicated in high school but i could stop when i wanted....when i got to a certain point i would just get tired of it and stop for a while. Then by some chance i would start again, nothing unusual there.

I was reading another thread in here and it got me wondering, somebody said "if drinking changes you at all you may have a problem." I am no where near the same person when i drink. When im sober, i hate it. I live in a shell and am afraid of everything which is especially true with women. If i drink, i can be cassnova; if i drink im funny and people like me more; if i drink i lose my fears and begin to have fun, i forget what was wrong because i never even knew. I know this all sounds cliche, but i dont understand why there is such a divergence between the two.

Ive been drinking heavily for the past week and a half, probably once a day at least. I dont understand why, but my problems melt away and i have the confidence i dont otherwise know how to find. Ive been going with a girl for a few weeks and it is sooo much harder to communicate with her sober or to be intimate. When im drunk i call people i want to stay in touch with, im open and friendly, its everything.

The other day i drank a whole bottle of vodka myself and went to find some girl i knew in a library i had earlier called. Mind you, i hadnt spoken to this girl in weeks so i imagine the conversation was weird. I ended up getting lost in the library and losing my phone, then i drove home and did who knows what.....except i remember calling the girl i am going with and asking her how she felt about me, which is something i havent been able to do sober.

It feels like when im drunk im genuine, like its really who i am. I dont get violent i dont beat people up, thats my sober mentality. Im sick now with some weird illness, so i havent had a drink since thursday. im over the craving now, but its hard to turn down a beverage when it offers you so much just by drinking it. i could stop if i wanted, but i dont like who i am sober.

what is the real problem here?

[ster]

If you think you have a problem with alcohol. find some AA meetings an listen to what is being said you do not have to say who you are. just listen to the people in the meeting. If you feel you have a problem you can say who you are. I wish you luck in finding out if you are or not.

[January]

Hi James,

Almost all colleges have free counseling services. It might be a good idea to find out why you are so miserable without the alcohol. If it's a brain chemistry problem, medication can help with it. A good therapist can also help you learn to think and act differently. I urge you to go. It's a good place to start.

I wish you the very best.

January

[Raynaadi]

Alcohol is but a symptom. We have a problem with living. All the things you describe, the lack of confidence when you're sober, the inability to be intimate when you're sober, how you're fun and everyone likes you when you're drunk....that was me. But eventually it didn't work anymore. Eventually I was sick of having to drink to live. Now that I'm sober and very involved in AA I don't have those issues. At first it was so hard to talk to guys sober...now I can do it. It's all a learning experience. It can be done. You don't have to drink again. You don't have to loose your phone in a library again. Keep coming back here, and call your local central office if you want to find some meetings, or even go online. Good luck!