[brokenandalone1234]

My dad fell off the face of the earth again, which can only mean one thing. He is back to drinking again. All my life I have gone through this with him. He gets sober for 90 or 120 days and then he gets out of rehab and he starts drinking like 2 or 3 weeks afterwards. I am just so done with it. He doesn't seen how it affects my little sister and I. It kills my little sister more because it is her biological dad. He is my adoptive dad but he raised me so he is my dad. How do I tell him get sober or I am done with him for good. Last time he got sober my ex-fiance and I drove him all the way to Ohio from Indiana to a half-way house to make sure he stayed sober. What a lot of good that did he got kicked out of there for drinking. He then checked himself into rehab. He went through it and got out and went to another half-way house. Same story he got kicked out of there for drinking. He was on the streets for a little while. My ex-fiance and I told him he could come live with us but we had a rule he was not allowed to drink. My ex even agreed to keep no booze in the house so he wouldn't be tempted. It never does any good. He has no job but still finds a way to get beer. He finds friends who drink and they will buy him beer. He will sell his stuff to get beer. When he does get a job he loses it because of his drinking. He gets so drunk that he passes out and misses work often. I love my dad but I can't deal anymore. He gets violent when he drinks. His drinking and violent behavior has caused me to have PTSD from the things he did to my mom when I was a child. He complete denis doing the things he did to my mom but when I was 4 I could not make up the things I saw. I have told doctor after doctor about what I saw and my story has never changed. That's what led to my diagnoses of PTSD. I am sorry I took so long to tell this story please help me. I want him to get sober for good but if he doesn't I am fully prepared to kick him out of my life for good.

[madisgram]

i can certainly relate to your pain, brokenandalone. the sad truth tho is the only person that can get your dad sober is himself. the lure of alcohol and his compulsion to drink shows he's not ready to stop drinking imho. alcoholics unfortunately need to "hit a bottom" to get the wake-up call. many do not heed the message that their life is out of control and they keep drinking anyway and a lower bottom occurs. it sounds like he hasn't lost enough in his eyes to wake up and get help. many never get sober and live a dismal, unmanageable life with many negative consequences. you have tried to help him but it isn't working cause he's not ready. i do hope he will get sober but only time will tell.
my suggestion is for you is to move on with your life keeping the focus on YOU. al-anon meetings may help you too. there's lots of support there. many ppl have gone thru what you are going thru.
if you haven't done this already you can tell your dad how his drinking has affected your life. how sad you are but you know only he can want to get sober. that only he can take back his life. set boundaries with him. such as, you won't disrupt your life to drive him to rehabs etc. to not call or visit you drunk. suggest AA for him. if he's not living near you write him a letter. after that move on. you deserve the right to live your own life without his insanity.
i know this may sound harsh but it is true. you can't 'carry" the drunk.
live your own life with JOY. love and support your sister. let her know that no one can help him get sober. it's up to him.
here's a helpful article for YOU:

Guidelines to help you dealing with an alcoholic in the family
#1 Never cover up for them
If you think you are helping by let’s say phoning their boss to call in sick or making excuses for them, you are making a big mistake. This will only let them believe that you are OK with their drinking problem and they will just continue drinking. Do not hide their problem. The consequences of their actions will be their responsibility. Once you cover up, it’s a sign for enabling them to drink....ETC.
#5 Let the alcoholic hit the bottom
Sometimes this is the only way. We have heard too many stories how alcoholic finally overcome their addiction because they have hit the ground and learned their lessons. If you really love them and want to help, you need to let them fall so they know the consequences of their action.

http://thealcoholwithdrawalsymptoms....-family-member
i hope my reply is helpful. i'm sorry you have this painful experience.

[brokenandalone1234]

That article did help. I guess I have some real thinking to do.

[Leed]

I know what you're going thru. My son is an alcoholic, and he's been drinking regularly since he was 18. I've had him in rehab, but of course that didn't work. You know why? Because when you put someone in rehab who doesn't WANT to get sober, it doesnt work!

That's the whole problem -- your Dad doesn't WANT to get sober!!! Until he WANTS TO MORE THAN ANYTHING ELSE, he will keep drinking. Until he has hit his bottom, he will keep drinking. Until he's lost his family, his friends, everything that's ever been important to him in his life, he'll keep drinking. THEN, and only then, will he stop drinking. And there are some alcoholics who EVER hit bottom -- they drink until they die.

My son is in the hospital right now fighting for his life. He's in Critical Care after bleeding from the bowel. It's all because of alcohol. He had already spent 2 weeks in Critical care, and was sent to physical rehab to get him strong enough to go home. But then he started bleeding and had to go back to the hospital. His liver is BARELY working. He's yellow. He weighs a little over 100lbs, and he's 6'1" tall. That's because he never ate -- he only drank. Now when he eats, he vomits.

This is your Dad's future unfortunately, but he won't hear of it. He doesn't believe it, because "it won't happen to him"

There is NOTHING YOU CAN DO to make your Dad stop drinking so don't try anymore. I suggest YOU go to Al-Anon to learn how to cope. It will help immensely. I wish you the very best -- I'm sorry I got so graphic, but sometimes you have to. Please take care of YOU. God bless. Hugs, Lee

Lee, you've been a powerful responder on the subject of alcoholism, and I commend your brave courage to tell it like it is. I hope your son will recover and understand fully what he has done to himself.

Thank you for contributing information that makes this sad illness so devastating for
the patient and loved ones.

Stars for your crown will be awaiting you, I'm sure.

Genetic

[brokenandalone1234]

Lee thank you. I knew what drinking can do. I hope your son gets better. I hope he has finally hit his bottom and gets the help he needs. Its ok that you got graphic. I need to hear the truth sometimes. I don't want to face the truth but I guess I have too.

[brokenandalone1234]

I checked in with my dad here recently he says he has been sober for a while but I know it is just another round of "Will dad get sober". I am no longer going to waste my life with it though. He will either get sober or die. I am no longer going to run him all over to rehab after rehab until he is really ready to get sober. Once he has hit his rock bottom then and maybe then will I take him to rehab to get himself sober. I am not going to let his problem bring me down anymore.

[Leed]

Have you been to Al-Anon? Maybe those meetings can help you get thru his a little easier. Once you listen tho THOSE stories of the people there, you'll understand that you aren't alone. And they might give you tips on how to get "over" this quicker.

Give it a try. You might become 'addicted" to these meetings. LOL God bless. Hugs, Lee