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#1
Sep 04, 2012, 04:09 PM
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i'm wondering everyone here has something to think about it but maybe not say... and why am I bringing it up?
some of my best achievements happened right in the hellhole of addiction. some of my best positive thinking happened....just a reflex! addiction teaches up and down open and shut life or death.... takes me back to basics the most basics..can I drink water without choking?...can I care without joking? the most frightening thing about giving up is that it massively expands my choices! ...and then I am assaulted by my limits and I needlessly compare myself, hungry to improve on a seriously damaged product. drunk I can solidify my immediate needs hungover I can plan the next drink wasted I can dream like a ghost dealer close to feeler I can find the unrealer flying high I have the energy to wipe everything out of my way and coming down I have no say....but the whisper of desperation....to save me? this is the magic that I tossed away with all that tragedy. what a shame this is the real shame I tossed it away.....I survived why kill that part of me it's a gift no wonder I am struggling so bad if this makes no sense...I'm just sayin' I ripped myself off! |
 beauflow
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#2
Sep 05, 2012, 11:41 AM
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i know a lot of people feel this way. especially creative ppl. sort of van gogh-ish. BUT...yeah here it is... BUT...so much good talent is dampened too when we are in an oblivious state of mind.
it's like being manic...i get a heck of a lot done and my mind seems crisp as a bell but then i crash way down coming out of the mania. so my addiction and my mania are not my best friends. yeah life can seem bland sometimes...specially if you've experienced mania...but SOBRIETY does balance the playing field. BALANCE. when i got sober i recall telling my T i was b-o-r-e-d. he responded welcome back to the world. i said, is this all there is???!!! but yeah it sure beats the alternative. (always enjoy reading your posts, j  )
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Do not let your fire go out, spark by irreplaceable spark, in the hopeless swamps of the approximate, the not-quite, the not-yet, the not-at-all. Do not let the hero in your soul perish, in lonely frustration for the life you deserved, but have never been able to reach. Check your road and the nature of your battle. The world you desired can be won. It exists, it is real, it is possible, it is yours..~Ayn Rand |
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#3
Sep 06, 2012, 02:51 AM
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I know the feeling, have felt it. Never a dull moment in the life of addiction. Sometimes boring is good! Creativity does surface again if you let it.
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#4
Sep 07, 2012, 03:21 PM
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I guess I should write something about the opposite
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This is an old thread. You probably should not post your reply to it, as the original poster is unlikely to see it.|
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