[Berly0384]

I made a horrible decision 2 months ago....i left my halfway house and all the support I had and relapsed. Now I can't stop. This has been my life for ten years. Get some time under my belt and throw it away. I have nothing now and am thoroughly embarrassed. I don't know what to say....don't know what can possibly help me now. I feel like a loser being such a chronic relapser and I can tell ppl are getting sick of me. I want to break this cycle but i see no reason for it. Am I one that just can't get it? I'm beginning to think that....it baffles me that ppl can go in to the program one time and stay. That has not been my experience. I'm a runner. Has anyone else been a runner and got it? Right now I just see no hope especially in the situation I'm living with now where there are active alcoholics in the home and unhealthy "friends" close by. I've been told ppl can get sober anywhere but it is pretty difficult here. I'm so mad at myself. I left basically for a guy and he is no where to be found. Why am I so stupid? Have a therapy session tonight I hope that will help. Just need the courage again. Just need some hope. Any words of encouragement would be great.....feel so alone right now, so used and so stupid.

[madisgram]

i'm sending hugs and hope your way, berly.

i found it so hard to stop drinking and felt like you. i'd look at ppl in AA meetings and think how do they do it? i relapsed over and over and i had lost hope too. matter of fact i didn't want to live anymore and couldn't live without the booze. i grew to hate myself. i felt like a loser. BUT i finally realized in order to stay sober i had to accept i had the disease of alcoholism and fix it. not admit but accept and stay the course of sobriety.

“Understanding is the first step to acceptance, and only with acceptance can there be recovery.”
~ J.K. Rowling

i took it day by day. yes sometimes i wanted to drink but instead called a friend in AA that was sober. i also doubled up my meeting attendance. i got a sponsor and really used her wisdom. i felt so dumb and desperate i was willing to do everything she suggested. i finally achieved sobriety 23 years ago.
this is only part of my story but i hope that it will offer you HOPE. u can pm me anytime if you wish.
get back to meetings and talk about how you feel. you'll get so much support if you do. it's a WE program. we cannot do it alone but relying on the 12 steps is a good start especially the first step. if we don't get that one right we will surely drink. focus on step 1, read it, ask questions and i found found prayer helped me too. go to more meetings that you think you need.
i begged my higher power to help me stay sober. that was the miracle i was given. read my signature in blue type. it is true!!!

[Leed]

If you remember in the program, we have to change "people, places and things." That means we have to stay away from our former playmates, & drinkers, & smokers & users. We can't perhaps go the same route to work if we pass by convenience stores that sell alcohol. It means that we have to stay out of bars --- there is no GOOD reason for us to be in them at all. So what if they serve pizza. You can get good pizza in loads of places!!

You'll have to make NEW friends. Your old friends weren't really FRIENDS anyway. They were just playmates anyway. Were they by your side when you were sober? I'd bet not. They didn't want to be around you cause you were "no fun" anymore. Right? Our so-called "friends" fall off the face of the earth cause we dont drink anymore. They aren't friends.

You should read my post about my son -- I brought him home, and he's doing "ok" but the prognosis isn't good. His liver failed from drinking and we ALL know you can't live without a workiing liver. It's not workiing at about 20% -- we don't know how long he can survive with a liver like this.

Yours is going to end up like this too. It's a horrible death. he was NEAR death when the hospital called us to tell us he was dying. He was in pain, and he looked awful. He had tubes coming out of every orifice in his body. That's YOUR future if you keep drinkiing.

Save yourself now. You're going to DIE if you keep drinking I promise you. God bless. Hugs, Lee

[RunningEagleRuns]

Dont give up!