[Raynaadi]

(copied from myspace bulletin and email to my friends)

Hey everyone. I hope you don't find this tactless, but there are so many people I have to give some news to that this is the easiest way. Friday I started loosing vision in my right eye. I spoke with a friend in the program who is a nurse practitioner and she said that if you have any change in vision, you should get to the er. Thinking it was a migraine, I went home to sleep it off after making plans with my friend to drive up for the Saturday meeting at ASCYPAA and drive back. Saturday morning the vision loss was worse, but I decided to go to ASCYPAA anyway. My friend Greg went with me. We been in each other's lives for half my life, and he went with me to the AA function even though he's "normie". Long story short, we drove back from Prescott and arrived back in Tucson at about 4am and went to Northwest Medical Center ER. The doc looked at my eye and paged the opthamalgist for a more direct answer. The opthalmologist was on call and asked us to meet him at his office where his equipment is better. This doctor came to his office at 6:30am on a Sunday to see me. The ER was dead and we got right in to...so far the treatment is absolutely amazing!! So, the eye doc takes a look after dilating my pupil and says he wants me to have an MRI. Turns out this kind of loss of vision can be a sign of MS - Muscular Dystrophy. An MRI is the only way to diagnose it for sure. So back to the ER we went and they got me ready for an MRI, hooked up an IV, took some blood. Mind you, Greg and I haven't slept yet haha. We both got up about 9:30 Saturday morning and now we're struggling to stay awake at the hospital. The ER doc's shift was over...but he stayed an extra hour for us to get back and make sure my MRI was ordered. He even brought us coffee! He filled in the next Doc on the situation and I was finally taken for the MRI. Very cool experience! You're all bundled up and put in a tunnel with headphones playing your favorite music. It's loud in there, but it was comforting. I was actually able to get a nap in there. The whole process took about an hour, and then I was taken back to the room to wait for the Doc. She came in and didn't waste any time. The MRI showed lesions on my brain - MS. So...I have been diagnosed with a progressive disease, my second. I cried a lot, and felt anger at God, and thought what was the point of getting sober...but if I hadn't of gotten sober, I wouldn't have been at that convention, Greg wouldn't have been with me, and if I hadn't decided to ignore the proglem, I would have gotten the diagnosis alone, and would not have God and the steps and a village of people to help me through this. I made myself get into gratitude quickly. I wasn't planning on going to ASCYPAA at all, saying there will be more conferences. I'm so greatful I did, because though I'll probably live a long time with this, you just never know. Greg stayed the night with me because the ER gave me a high dose of steroids, hoping my vision will come back and to offset the onset of the MS. The steroids can cause hallucinations and cause me to get a little crazier then ususal. So far this hasn't happened. I'm feeling quite achy but the sun feels really good. I go back today and tomorrow for more IV steroids, and then I'll be taking them in pill form. So if I get puffy you'll know why. =) I'm in good spirits this morning but I know that will change. Greg and I watched the sun come up, and enjoyed the birds and bunnies that come out by my apartment in the mornings. I go back to the hospital at 11am to get my "soldiers". I have cried a lot and will cry more, but no matter what, I don't want to drink over this. The thought obviously crossed my mind but what would that help? I'm o.d.ing on coffee but thats it. I don't know what will happen with my work situation, and I have a lapse in insurance since I just changed jobs. The vision in my eye is completely gone. I had some periferal vision but this morning it was gone. I can tell when there's light in front of my eye and that's it. So...if the vision doesn't come back, my job will be no more. How do I feel about this? I know I have family and a village to help me through this. Again, I hope this is not an insetitive way of informing you all, but there are so many of you, I couldn't bare the thought of having to explain this over and over again. I'll see ya at meetings, and I'm not giving up!! Help me fight, help me stay strong, help me stay sober. I need you all now more then I ever thought I would...I love you all and talk to you soon.

[LMo]

Rayna, I'm really sorry to hear about this. You have been through so much. You are a survivor, and I know you'll pull through this thing, too.

[shadowalker164]

Rayna, I too extend my deepest sympathies, Thank God we live in this age and not 2 or 3 hundred years ago. So many options are at our disposal that did not exist just a decade or two ago. Avail yourself of what doctors have to offer, and remember there is nothing going on in any of our lives that a drink would make better. And thank God we know that simple truth.

Richard

[Raynaadi]

I am so greatful to have a year of sobriety under my belt so I have the tools to get through this as well. I had the thought of drinking for about 5 minutes after I found out, and then my program kicked in and I remembered that that would not solve anything. I finally was able to get to my 2 homegroups last night and bring this to the group and it made me feel so much better. I'm living proof that we can walk through anything without a drink, and with a solid foundation, even the obsession will be kept under lock and key when we experience hardship. I want my experience to be of help to others...so if you think you need to drink, please remember that you don't have to, no matter what!

[January]

(((((((( RayRay ))))))))

I'm here anytime for you.

Love and hugs,

Jan