[Leed]

"Sometimes I'd catch my mother looking at me with real love in her eyes. How could she have let me down so?".......................................Mickey C.

For drinking alcoholics, love is incomprehensible. That word, that concept, may be just one more thing that burdens, baffles, and frightens. Drinking alcoholics may be willing to give us the moon, but they simply are not able.

The adult alcoholics in our childhood probably loved us. Maybe the clumsy cuff on the head or the sidelong look of affection was the only expression of love they had. And maybe their bag of tricks was completely empty. Maybe that was why we got silence when we so badly needed affirmation. Maybe the disease, not disinterest, was behind remarks like "You could have done better" or "I don't have time to go to your ballgame."

Many people who feel love can't act love. They just don't have the skills to function in healthy relationships. Their diseases or compulsions often block the healthy relationships so desperately needed by their loved ones and by themselves. Possibly, we as children received everything they had to give.
________________________
I pray for the courage to make peace with the past. Today, I will ask for the understanding that precedes forgiveness.

[beauflow]

Perhaps so Leed.

I remember one time my father mentioned to me that, he would never understand the "sibling love" between my one sister and I. She would be so cruel to me, and I would still give her what I could.
He mentioned he did not have that connection as a child, and as an adult, he never would understand it... why and how I could love someone so mean to me like that.

My dad was born with fetal alcohol syndrome, he had a rough childhood in some ways with what had been said to him (he was born late 40's, he was told over and over he was retarded, no good at school-- but hey he went to college ). He was very much a drinker himself as well, well into his adult age. Then his diabetes started to really kick in and taking over his health. He still would at times go on binges even in his 40's and 50's.. By his late 50's early 60's he was blind, kidney failure and several sever health issues... He never knew his parents really....

"that connection" I underlined... I will always believe his drinking and disconnect from his family, was due to he was not sure how to do that exactly; a lot of his underlining issues that unfortunately us kids had to take a blow from once in awhile from him, weather physical or emotional. Though He had tried and did grow as he got older, and as I got older I saw that.

Though my father may had been an alcoholic, and he had left a lot in my life time and came back, and maybe not the best dad of the year with a lot of broken promises, as I got older, and he too- some times we would talk about things like this even, about how he was not sure how to love his kids, he never had that from his parents, and while his Grandparents loved him- it was still not that connection as some have... I suppose i was a little different than his other kids, or perhaps he wanted to sit down with at least one and I was the last? Who knows. There is a quite a gap with me and my oldest sibling.

It is something to think on some times... Doesn't make some things "right" , or a lot of things "right"; but it gives a little understanding if we can be able to step outside of ourselves and see more of the bigger picture

's

[Leed]

Beauflow ~ I can so relate. As I've posted before, both my parents were alcoholics and we 4 girls got NO attention whatsoever. None.

So I can understand the reading I posted quite well. I always felt alone and lonely as a child, because for one thing, my oldest sister was also my tormenter.

But when I grew up and got sober (I'm a recovering alcoholic) I realized my parents gave me what they got! They couldn't give me something they didn't have! So I was able to forgive them.

Some things aren't "right" but we can learn to rise above them. Hugs, Lee

I read recently that alcoholics fear intimacy. Is that true?

[Leed]

That COULD be true Genetic, I don't know. It was true for me, but I attributed it to the church I was brought up in because they drummed it into my head that "sex" was evil unless it was to have children. At least that's what the nuns told us. (now you know what church. LOL) Not ALL nuns taught that way -- it was just the order that WE got.

Plus my mother wasn't much help when she got drunk and called me a ***** or slut.

So yes, I always feared intimacy. How about others?