[circles5]

hi there,

long story short; night before last (wednesday)
i drank about 7 pints... - thing is i'm on 20mg diazepam...
also on that wednesday i took 1 mg of xanax during the day {alprazolam}

i was out on my own... and was generally having a 'good' time.
had 3.5 pints of 5% alcohol then went to a bar/music venue..
... saw some music,, drank 4 pints of 4% ale...

then i left... and don't really remember anything else..
i went to another music venue, which i just remember about 10 seconds of.
i don't think i drank anymore; but i remember talking to someone outside of the venue... - i recalled it as a good conversation.. - no idea what about.

then several hours past; and my mum was suddenly there, apparently we'd had several conversations... and she took me home.
^don't remember any of it.

so, today (two nights later).... i'm still recovering.. can't think straight.
to be expected..

but i've suddenly started freaking out; as my arm really hurts.
(i have multiple anxiety disorders; Ocd, Bdd, Gad, Hypodchondriac, Health phobia e.t.c.. {and more..})

and when i checked my arm; there is a weird 'blood prick'.... - a mark that is a very small 'dot' of blood.... there seems to be some very mild bruising around it.
the mark is bang on a vein on the underside of my forearm...

i've never been an intravenous drug user... but - i was in a blackout for several hours... - not the foggiest where or who i was with.. last thing i remember is talking to this guy, who seemed nice,,, and perhaps concerned??

anyhow i'm now FREAKING out that i injected something, or was injected with something... as i can recall everything until i went to that second bar...
and then absolutely nothing from then for about 4-5 hours.
i was in the street the whole time as far as i'm aware... i don't remember going to a house or anything...
i really hope i'm just; 'freaking out' .... - which is not uncommon for me..

but its been a really long time since i've blacked out to this severity...
and i was in a complete state when my mum found me.. - walking, talking...
but very messed up...

and that was several hours after i stopped drinking.... {to my recollection}

ugh,,,,, gotta stop drinking while i'm on valium..
my inhibitions just disappear. It scares the S* out of me when i wake up.

i'm thinking of going to get a drugs-screen test tomorrow.... but ... i doubt even that will alleviate my concern..
(i do have an obssesion over disease and needles... - so this could well be that rearing its ugly head - due to my anxiety + alcohol.....)

but i don't know how to lay this to rest..... - quite scared.

sorry, i know...... massive issues coming from circles again.. - no conclusive answers really possible..
and - what the hell are you doing drinking on valium anyhow..?
man,
please tell me its fine...

Regards.
C5x

[kaliope]

I can certainly understand your anxiety not knowing what happened that night. whether you used drugs or not is not the issue, the point is you were out of control. mixing alcohol with benzos is never a good idea. you never know what may happen. you can really remember how you are feeling right now so that you don't make the decision to repeat the same mistake. that way you don't have to re-experience what you are going thru right now. take care of yourself.

[arachnophobia.kid]

You may be able to get drug tested if this is driving you crazy. I've never looked into that before but I think you could probably ask a doctor about it. It might be embarrassing and awkward but also could provide you some peace.

I also agree with kaliope, you went a little too far, that's very understandable, but unfortunately you didn't get away with it unscathed. Best to try to learn from this experience. Anyway, you survived! So that's good.