[bumble2u]

I just can't stop. And I tell myself every morning that I won't, I am sick of my excuses that I will wait til later, which I don't do. I put myself into every element that should help me with my drinking. I see a therapist every second week. But I am being useless, I don't hear the advice or rather I don't take it.
Really , really am I being that harsh in my self criticism . I think not . I lie i Lie and i lie again in concerns to alch.
They say well you have managed before so you can again. But no, I don't listen to this . Nor do I listen to you should exercise , make better health choices. my husband says give your self time it will be ok with my depression but it is and will not be how can it. I learn nothing. once upon a time I had principles I had standards which I wanted to achieve . Now I guess i am ambivalent. My intentions are always good but sadness rips a hole in me. The only time I can get the energy to do something, anything is when I have a drink. Outwardly I look like some idiotic can do nothing person , inside my head is suffocating me. aside from the paranoia and inane chatter that goes in and out of shouting at me I wonder am I really bothered. Why be bothered to be sober? The answer is because i am responsible for the people in my life and they depend upon my job and at times my sobriety. Yet i am so close , well very close .just pull the plug on it. Life is full of weeds and they'll grow around what once was until the memory of what was once there is no longer. Kind of at my wits end with this. not sure what I'm asking. what change? what salvation? what peace?

[Bobbarita]

Go to an AA meeting, (preferable a "Beginner's Meeting"), but lacking that, get to a meeting as soon as possible. Call the area AA hotline if necessary. If you don't know how to get to a meeting, ask. I went to my 1st AA meeting willingly because I couldn't go on. I too was a "functioning alcoholic" with a good job. I'm not perfect, and I sure as heck wasn't familiar with 12-Step Programs, but I stopped drinking. That's the objective...I also found a wonderful group of people who became my friends, and role models. I am not a religious person but I do believe in a "Higher Power", so I had no quarrel with that concept. Good luck. At 1st, just don't think, don't drink, and go to meetings. If you're drinking daily, detox and re-hab may be a better 1st choice because sudden withdraw from alcohol could be fatal.

[GeorgiaGirl413]

Originally Posted by Bobbarita

Go to an AA meeting, (preferable a "Beginner's Meeting"), but lacking that, get to a meeting as soon as possible. Call the area AA hotline if necessary. If you don't know how to get to a meeting, ask. I went to my 1st AA meeting willingly because I couldn't go on. I too was a "functioning alcoholic" with a good job. I'm not perfect, and I sure as heck wasn't familiar with 12-Step Programs, but I stopped drinking. That's the objective...I also found a wonderful group of people who became my friends, and role models. I am not a religious person but I do believe in a "Higher Power", so I had no quarrel with that concept. Good luck. At 1st, just don't think, don't drink, and go to meetings. If you're drinking daily, detox and re-hab may be a better 1st choice because sudden withdraw from alcohol could be fatal.

I am 2 years sober, and I second this opinion. Get to a meeting today!!! I could not have gotten sober without AA.