T is pushing AA on me and I'm not an alcoholic

I posted this in the psychotherapy thread first and thought that it belonged here as well. Maybe some other people can give me some insight and feedback.

I'm tired of my T using AA as the answer to everything I need. I do not in the slightest have an issue with alcohol. I'm 23 and the only few times I drank too much was when I was in my last..absolutely horrible..relationship. There is nothing wrong with AA..it is just not for me and not what I need. My therapist is a great T, but she is a recovering alcoholic and is an avid AA member. It works for her and that is awesome..but I believe she is somewhat blinded by AA and uses the mention of alcohol use to recommend it to others. I really respect her and used her suggestion and started going to the AA group that she gave me the details to..which is her AA group and I was fine with that. I tried to get in to it and convince myself for weeks that AA is for me and is what I need and that I'm in denial right now and haven't surrendered myself over to my higher power...but none of it ever felt right for me no matter how many times I went and no matter how much I read out of the "big book" and no matter how many phone numbers I got and tried to reach out..which no one ever answers their phone or gets back to you anyway so that is a joke. Anyways..the most of a drinking problem I have ever had is wanting to have a drink because of AA. My T always wants to talk about AA in session though and if I'm not doing good..like with my eating disorder which is the real problem..than it's because I'm not using AA properly and not reaching out enough to AA members. I hate that I even went to AA for the past month on her recommendation because now if I am to tell her any of this than that means I'm not working the program right and that I'm in complete denial. Now I am a stubborn person and yes I do agree that I am a sick person in the sense of my mind with my almost decade long eating disorder and with my PTSD..but I can be very objective and take a step back and see that I have issues and alcohol just is not one of them. I haven't had a drink in over a year..which was a glass of wine until the weekend before last I went to a halloween party with a friend and I had a few drinks and 2 shots and than I drank water the rest of the night. I did not go overboard, get sick, or have a hangover. I also haven't been craving alcohol since. I did not tell my T about this in last week's session though and I feel like I can't tell her at all. I love the T I have...she is awesome..but I do not like AA and that it is being pushed on me and I'm being made to believe that I have a disease/issue that is not there. It's like if you take your car to a repair man and he tells you something is wrong with your car that isn't and proceeds to fix it and charge you for it.

Yeah it sounds like she may not be the right fit for you- also she seems a bit unprofessional. You should be able to be open with her without feeling like you're being judged. Also, I don't think it's ethical/professional for her to be talking about her personal life like that, especially recommending you to the same AA group she's a part of . . . .

To me it sounds like it's time for a new T. A T should not be pushing a specific recovery model on a client, if that recovery model does not fit for a client, and if alcohol is not a problem for you, and it doesn't sound like it is, then AA is not the solution.

Since you say you like her, I'd be very direct with her and tell her you want to work on your eating disorder and PTSD, and that she needs to drop talking about AA as it's not for you.

Good luck.

splitimage

I, agree, time for a new T that can look at your issues more objectively and not get on her soap box.

I, too, who had a therapist who pushed AA like he was getting paid for it. I, too, had the experience of thinking that I had failed AA, when, in fact, it was AA who failed me. It's just not appropriate for everyone, regardless of what many people say. I know you like your therapist and breaking that bond can be hard to do. But when she's forcing her ideology on you, it's time to find someone else.

My last psychiatrist was 'program' (12-step speak for someone who is a 12-stepper) and even though I have been attending 12 step programs in some form or another for the last 7 years, since I got sober, I finally had enough and left her. I got tired of all the crap about not being 'vigilant' enough. I agree with what's already been said here that you need a professional who is going to keep their own personal experience private, or at least not let it colour their judgement to the point of being forceful and unable to see what's right in front of them.

I never had a T no $$ but I went to tons of meetings and heard a lot of bad stories about bad Ts so I'm glad I never got caught in the grips of a dysfunctional T. I went to a couple of "cheap" Ts and found them all to be very disappointing and even ABUSIVE so I stayed with support groups - whew! I'd like to know what you are getting from your T?

Certainly does not sound like you really have an issue with alcohol addiction, seems possible you may have 'abused' alcohol on a couple of occasions but I think there are plenty of non-alcoholics that have done that maybe even just having a bit too much one weekend. Also seems like maybe some self medication was going on with that past crappy relationship...but that's not quite the same as an addiction. I have had times I've drank too much, and have self medicated with alcohol(don't really do that anymore, maybe rarely if I feel really ****** I might have a couple drinks due to that but try to avoid it and stick with the cannabis for that) but I've never developed an addiction to alcohol.

Sounds like the therapist is projecting, like she is thinking because she has had trouble with alcohol addiction that maybe started via self medication or something...she is assuming that is what is going on with you and hyperfocusing on it rather than addressing the real issues you have

My take on it is that it would violate professional ethics as a therapist to share so much of her own experience with you. I can understand it if you have the same experience as this would make you relate and trust the therapist more.

From an AA point of view it is really her that is not practicing "the program". If you had said to her that I think I have a problem drinking and may be an alcoholic then that is the time a recovering alcoholic would share their experience and what worked for them. The philosophy is to stick to your own experience and what has worked for you. Then maybe that other person may think, hey I might give that a go. It is not to tell people what to do.

Sounds like maybe she is not well trained as a therapist and maybe fairly new in sobriety. It is pretty natural for someone after getting some time sober, even five years, that they want to stand on the highest hill and tell the world that they have found the ultimate answer to life and you all should try it. I myself felt this way for a time.

I found that when dealing with my depression the twelve steps just did not work. I tried many times to apply it to the depression. It did not matter how good a program I was working it did just not work on my depression. I needed outside help and the book actually encourages us to get it when needed.

She is over stepping her bounds by assuming you are an alcoholic and having you go to her home group. Quite unethical for a therapist.

She should not be referring you to her own AA group.

AA isnt about the alcohol, its about knowing that you have a problem dealing with things that normal people dont, and you turn to your "problem" to deal which is a self destructive thing. You would have to go into it with open eyes and if the people you talking to arent responsive then dont talk to them, wait on the right person i started going and i havent really spoken to anyone yet, but that takes time for me, right now i need to focus on not being so depressed, and not being terrified about going at night

...don't try to become an AA member because of your T...dang, you have enough going on in your life and you don't need to add AA to it...

I've met a couple of recovering alcoholics that have been adamant that I needed AA, based on hearing that I ever drank at all, even though for me it has never been much. At this point I have maybe one glass of wine maybe 3 times a year, and having known intimately both recovering and non-recovering alcoholics, I well know how blessed I am that it's effortless for me to resist it. (And if I was on any meds currently I wouldn't be having even those 3 glasses a year.) I have nothing but empathy for folks for whom resistance is not so easy, and it's great that AA can work so well, for some of them. But it's weird the tunnel vision a few people do get about it.

If you haven't already, I would make a point of addressing it sort of "once and for all" with your therapist, establish whether your therapy can continue without it being an issue for her, because otherwise it's unfair the time and distraction it's drawing from your therapy.

Yeah, after like 8-9 years sober a T read my past history and noted I had a drinking problem--which I did! And even though I got sober without AA and had been sober for so many years the T started off our 1st session with advising me that AA attendance was a necessary part of my treatment....the whole you're an alcoholic for life and you'll relapse without AA and all that crap. When I said I got sober w/out AA and had stayed sober many years w/out AA and that I did not want to drink--she said I was in denial...she got rather hostile. She had the mindset that AA was the only way and if you were not in AA then you are not truly sober....yadayada...I dropped her as a T because she obviously lacked much education or knowledge about current addiction research. AAhhh....

I can't even . . . they have a 5% success rate.

I always hear them continue to blame everything on their "disease" even after they've supposedly taken a thorough look at themselves and have gone through all the steps. (Note: once you've stopped drinking, your actions are your fault, not the fault of alcohol.)

The majority of their book hasn't been updated since it's been published.

They don't believe anyone can get sober without AA.

If you've been sober for years before going into AA, when you go in they make you start at day one anyway, completely discounting and disrespecting all those years of sobriety.

They don't believe you're sober if you're not in AA -- even though I've met people in AA who have some terrible behavioral problems.

They don't believe you'll stay sober without AA.

They think more AA meetings is the answer to your issues when really you might need therapy, meds, a med change or more therapy.

I can go on and on and on. AA makes me so angry.

It's true, AA helped me when I was first getting sober. And it does help a lot of people. But the general hypocrisy was too much for me. I felt more confident doing it on my own, and I'm fine, 5 years later.

I feel that many people just switch alcohol addiction for AA addiction, and never get to the root of the problem.

How can anyone say they have a 5% success rate. AA doesn't keep statistics. Treatment centers might but I don't think they track everyone who goes through one. The courts might but that is hardly a fair sample when they are forced to go. I don't see how it is possible to have a success rate on AA, it just isn't tracked.

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There actually have been a few studies by a few groups, including AA itself: Effectiveness of Alcoholics Anonymous - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

We're addicted to rehab. It doesn't even work.

http://www.npr.org/2014/03/23/291405...-step-recovery

Well, there is that saying, "It works if you work it." However, I think there are pros and cons to A.A., and I do not think A.A. is for everyone. I have met plenty of people who have gotten sober, and stayed sober, without it. I also think it is wrong for her to decide that you are an alcoholic. That is simply not her place, and she shouldn't be using her job to promote A.A. It's supposed to be "attraction rather than promotion."

I think you're missing the point. The point is that her T is pushing A.A. on her without reason. I go to A.A., but I do not feel it is for everyone--and certainly not meant to replace much needed therapy.

The studies and AA's surveys seem to say 30 some % and even up to 50% and 80% and 90% for long term sobriety. The first two studies only ask about a couple of meetings in the last year or at sometime in your life which is pretty meaningless. The 5 to 10% figure comes from one professors opinion and his colleagues disagree with him. Not based on any science. I didn't know AA did surveys. I don't have much faith in any survey or study. It is just way to hard if not impossible to track.

Sorry, this is way off topic and I will shut up now. The T is totally wrong in her approach to the OP as I have stated in a previous post in this thread.

This is an older thread and the OP apparently hasn't been here since it was revived. Since it's gone off topic, I'm going to close it.