[Breakingfree29]

Hi.
I have come here to finally tell someone the whole truth. I can't tell my friends, my family or my counsellor due to the reality of my situation.
My marriage has always had its ups and downs. I have contemplated leaving many a times due to lack of communication, support and care. Some days can be fantastic. Others can be just damn lonely.
When I met my husband he was 24 and a drug user. I was 19 and had tried a little weed and speed but never really craved or actively sought it.
I told him I was not into it and to be with me, the meth had to go.
He let it go without a second word and on big events like New Years or birthdays, the boys would get high. It was a rare occurrence and even so, I was not impressed as I could not understand why they could not just get drunk and be happy with that?
8.5 years on, and a young son, our next door neighbours invited us to smoke some meth. I was sceptical, knowing drugs and I did not mix well together (anxiety, panic etc) but did it anyway.
It was the worst decision I could have made.
I didn't panic. All anxiety was gone. I felt great on it.
Slowly but surely every 2nd weekend, we would get high. Then every weekend. Then maybe get a bit more on Sunday to help pull through on Monday.
After a year, we were needing it every day to be able to function and stay awake.
The roller coaster has been a nightmare.
My husbands come downs are nasty and brutal (emotionally) and he hated that I too was now addicted. He kept saying I am supposed to be the one who stops this. Pulls us away from this.
I did try. It took me a week off work sleeping and eating and he still got high anyway!
I won't go into every detail, but whatever we had - has gone. The things he used to love about me (ditzy blonde, naive) he now despises.
I have met someone else who has been through this before and is helping me to see that I have to stop this. Meth will ruin me, if it hasn't already.
My husband and I have decided to seperate, and all we do is blame eachother.
What I want advice with is, when I get clean, will I see this completely differently? Will I realise I was the problem or will I see it as I do now - both addicted to meth, he is the buyer and he won't stop buying it (not that I complain) and to escape this, we need to seperate.
Please be kind with your judgements.
Thanks

[splitimage]

Meth can be one nasty addiction. I have a friend who used to be a high paid, hospital exec who is now unemployed and homeless due to meth addiction.

It sounds like you've gotten clean? If you have congratulations. If not, I urge you to get clean, for your sake, and the sake of your son. He does not deserve addictive parents.

I would say the most important thing is your, and your son's safety and sobriety. And if that means leaving the marriage then leave.

Your partner might wake up and decide to get clean, but if not, then at least you're at less risk of being sucked in.

Good luck.

splitimage

[punkybrewster6k]

Originally Posted by Breakingfree29

Hi.
I have come here to finally tell someone the whole truth. I can't tell my friends, my family or my counsellor due to the reality of my situation.
My marriage has always had its ups and downs. I have contemplated leaving many a times due to lack of communication, support and care. Some days can be fantastic. Others can be just damn lonely.
When I met my husband he was 24 and a drug user. I was 19 and had tried a little weed and speed but never really craved or actively sought it.
I told him I was not into it and to be with me, the meth had to go.
He let it go without a second word and on big events like New Years or birthdays, the boys would get high. It was a rare occurrence and even so, I was not impressed as I could not understand why they could not just get drunk and be happy with that?
8.5 years on, and a young son, our next door neighbours invited us to smoke some meth. I was sceptical, knowing drugs and I did not mix well together (anxiety, panic etc) but did it anyway.
It was the worst decision I could have made.
I didn't panic. All anxiety was gone. I felt great on it.
Slowly but surely every 2nd weekend, we would get high. Then every weekend. Then maybe get a bit more on Sunday to help pull through on Monday.
After a year, we were needing it every day to be able to function and stay awake.
The roller coaster has been a nightmare.
My husbands come downs are nasty and brutal (emotionally) and he hated that I too was now addicted. He kept saying I am supposed to be the one who stops this. Pulls us away from this.
I did try. It took me a week off work sleeping and eating and he still got high anyway!
I won't go into every detail, but whatever we had - has gone. The things he used to love about me (ditzy blonde, naive) he now despises.
I have met someone else who has been through this before and is helping me to see that I have to stop this. Meth will ruin me, if it hasn't already.
My husband and I have decided to seperate, and all we do is blame eachother.
What I want advice with is, when I get clean, will I see this completely differently? Will I realise I was the problem or will I see it as I do now - both addicted to meth, he is the buyer and he won't stop buying it (not that I complain) and to escape this, we need to seperate.
Please be kind with your judgements.
Thanks

No one will judge you here. An addiction is an addiction. Meth is one of the worst to fight. It is an epidemic all over the country. Good people and good families are destroyed by this poison. Do whatever it takes to get clean. Whatever it takes to save your life.(((hugs)) Blaming eachother will get you nowhere. Make some tough decisions and remove yourself. Its the only way. This stuff is deadly and you wil not get better until you remove yourself from the situation. Sorry to be so harsh but im trying to save your life here..you are not alone. Millions have gotten caught up in this without knowing it only takes one time of using.

Sent from my SCH-S720C using Tapatalk 2

[gma45]

I am so sorry that this drug sucked you in. It is one of the worst. I just lost a friend because of it. I would suggest getting away from it as far as you can and if he doesn't want to, get away from him too. I agree you can't play the blame game just do what is best for you and your child and run don't walk and don't look back. Sometimes or should I say most times you do have to change your situation and associations to get clean. We are here for you, I wish you the best.

[thickntired]

Congrats for what I believe from your post you've kicked meth! The best thing I've learned is written on the AA chips "To Thine Own Self Be True." I agree with everyones post that you need to save yourself. Don't get high to save your marriage. My husband still drinks, and I found a lot of help through Alanon.

Peace,
TnT

[helper1234]

Originally Posted by Breakingfree29

Hi.
I have come here to finally tell someone the whole truth. I can't tell my friends, my family or my counsellor due to the reality of my situation.
My marriage has always had its ups and downs. I have contemplated leaving many a times due to lack of communication, support and care. Some days can be fantastic. Others can be just damn lonely.
When I met my husband he was 24 and a drug user. I was 19 and had tried a little weed and speed but never really craved or actively sought it.
I told him I was not into it and to be with me, the meth had to go.
He let it go without a second word and on big events like New Years or birthdays, the boys would get high. It was a rare occurrence and even so, I was not impressed as I could not understand why they could not just get drunk and be happy with that?
8.5 years on, and a young son, our next door neighbours invited us to smoke some meth. I was sceptical, knowing drugs and I did not mix well together (anxiety, panic etc) but did it anyway.
It was the worst decision I could have made.
I didn't panic. All anxiety was gone. I felt great on it.
Slowly but surely every 2nd weekend, we would get high. Then every weekend. Then maybe get a bit more on Sunday to help pull through on Monday.
After a year, we were needing it every day to be able to function and stay awake.
The roller coaster has been a nightmare.
My husbands come downs are nasty and brutal (emotionally) and he hated that I too was now addicted. He kept saying I am supposed to be the one who stops this. Pulls us away from this.
I did try. It took me a week off work sleeping and eating and he still got high anyway!
I won't go into every detail, but whatever we had - has gone. The things he used to love about me (ditzy blonde, naive) he now despises.
I have met someone else who has been through this before and is helping me to see that I have to stop this. Meth will ruin me, if it hasn't already.
My husband and I have decided to seperate, and all we do is blame eachother.
What I want advice with is, when I get clean, will I see this completely differently? Will I realise I was the problem or will I see it as I do now - both addicted to meth, he is the buyer and he won't stop buying it (not that I complain) and to escape this, we need to seperate.
Please be kind with your judgements.
Thanks

I read over your post, and I think that you have fallen into what many would call use through peer pressure. When you met your husband was using you as a reason not to use, and it worked for awhile, until you started using too. Now you need to focus on yourself, try not to blame, but take responsibility for your choices. If you are clean, get supports to help you fight this thing, and schedule your time so that you are busy. Even if you have to do volunteer work or go to Narcotics Anonymous meetings more than once a day, you need to keep busy and get some clean time under your belt. If your husband is willing to get clean with you, it will have to mean NO use whatsoever, and he will have to start working on his own treatment, as it is an individual thing. If he is willing to get clean and work on issues, then you can move forward with the relationship, if not, then you will have to make the hard choice on go it on your own. Good Luck, and God bless! helper1234