[sadie1]

Hi all, I am in recovery, been sober 1 1/2 years. Still have a hard time with urges, especially around family gatherings. This will be my second holiday season sober. I have an exit plan if needed. Sometimes I get anxious around my own family, drinking always took that away. I self medicated all my life, finally got clean and got real help 2 years ago. I drank with the meds for the first 6 months, that didnt work out so well so I stopped drinking. Now I just try to stay positive but my depression gets the best of me every time and i am left to sit with it. That is when I deal with urges, and I have them everyday still. I just want to get rid of my thoughts. Wondering if anyone else has feelings like that...

[vans1974]

Yes, I'm a recoving addict, I found the only way for me to stay clean was through the 12 step program of AA. It's a divine program, and I'm a firm believer in it! Hope that helps a bit and best of luck, the holidays are difficult!!

[thickntired]

Hi. Yes I can relate to your difficulties. I have 11 months sober and this is my first sober holiday. Right before Thanksgiving I found myself picking up wine bottles and reading the labels. Then I noticed that alcohol is freaking sold everywhere. My family do not get drunk but they drink during holidays and at dinner. I feel stressed and sad then I feel guilty because I should be grateful and happy like all the "normal" yahoos. Even in AA I was annoyed because all the meeting topics were about gratitude geeze! I started self medicating when I was 14, so I have few coping skills. I try to limit my visits to a small amount of time and remember that it's only 24 hrs.

Peace,

Tnt

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[luckyl3]

jesus god. i'm told the holidays are supposed to be all "Happy Happy Joy Joy" but i've yet to see it.

the whole ******** clan (my dads side) gathers cristmas eve to get as crap faced as possible, then sit there and sneer, talk about, and backstab each other........

my mom HAS to do her dinner "i just love having all my family around" but when you get there she's all sweaty and red faced from standing over a hot stove all day, in the process of snapping, guzzling wine faster than my dad can pour it..,never ending comments about how she cooked all day with no help and how ungrateful we all are....oh, and we've learn'd to eat as slow as possible, cause if you actually sit there and enjoy your meal she has a nervous breakdown that the food was eaten too fast and we're all out the door for a smoke.....!F&K!

it just goes on and on and on.....and that just my side of the family.

this will be my second year with clear eyes too. i am doing my best not to dread it cause that will only make it worse.
for me the anxiety and the stress it causes is the killer. i just can't deal with my family, and at this time of the year i have to.(family used to be #1 because i was too enmeshed with them, but i cut most of them out/off...like limited contact....and now my life is much better).

in the months leading up to, i made damn sure i don't miss a dose of medication, and in the 2 weeks prior to, i work out "plans" with my psychologist....i do a lot of cognitive therapy, so the plans are basically looking at how things have gone down in the past, why they were that way, how i'd rather them be, and what i can do to make it that way. the plans are on different levels to, physical, and mental.

even with all this tho - sitting there, surrounded by what looks like happy people.....i don't feel it, and at best that makes me feel awful. i force a smile - it's terrible, but these days i can't even be bother'd to fake small talk.....i leave and go smoke every 5 or 10 min.
eventually they zone in on me and i'm trap'd. want to know what i'm dong, what i've been up to. i want to scream. nothing. i've done nothing. i'm doing my best to stay well and that's taking up all my time....but i can't, cause *we're* not allow'd to go there...

anyways, sorry for the rant. hope i didn't depress you more.