[PTSD101]

Hey guys!

I've been looking at my addiction and as far as I can tell I am intensely afraid of feeling my emotional pain. Hence my NEED for something to cling to instead (smokes as my blankie per say).

Do you guys think your addiction is for the same reason?

If so is there anyone out there that has found a non addictive way of feeling?

[livelovelearn1986]

Yeah...I have both a fear of feeling and a refusal to admit im human and a refusal to deal with my issues and what has happened.

There have been points in my life I have turned to music, church, poetry etc.

But...now I think using is what I prefer....it is too easy...a quick fix

Live Love Learn

[PTSD101]

Hey totally get you there! It's hard isn't it! I often wonder if the people who don't have mental illness haven't been through crap, are better at dealing with crap and their feelings or are just better at avoidance!

One step at a time

Many years ago when I was a user/drinker I did so because my pain was so intense that I just couldn't bear to feel it. I used and drank in order to stuff my feelings. Now years later I no longer use or drink but I still haven't dealt with a lot of that pain. But I think I'm finally ready to seek out a therapist and begin my journey.

One day at a time is the best that I can do. I wish you the best.

[elevatedsoul]

feelings suck..
my problem is when what i use to cope stops working.. self consuming fear

I'm not addicted but feel like I understand why people seek other means to drown out their sorrow. I have loved addicted people all my life. Feeling and facing the pain is excruciating. There is no easy way that I know of to deal with the pain. One thing I do is to share my feelings with friends or people who can relate to my pain. It gives me a little comfort but I know that is not the way for everyone to handle pain. You need to find a way to get relief for yourself, to find another way of comfort that works for you. Some people work out, run, cycle, swim, read, mentor children, etc. Don't know if I've really addressed what you are asking but I do care and feel like I understand the need to bury feelings. Many people just go into denial and never face their feelings (they call themselves normal). jmo

[luckyl3]

same boat....or, working my way out of it.

i'm in some pretty intense cognitive therapy and that has helped more than anything with this...well, bp meds also - the 2 wouldn't really work without each other....

baby steps right? i think the biggest thing that's help'd is understanding or realizing it's only a feeling (or thought) and it's temporary - it can't really hurt you.

when "it" happens, don't run. just sit with it. there's a check list to go thru that i never get right.....physically what is happening in your body - heart rate, pulse, sweat, dry mouth, then try and identify what exactly it is you are feeling (it's usually a whole host of emotions) - don't let that part anger/irritate you, try and focus on calm breathing as you figure it out...when you think you're done that, try and find any memories attached to what is happening.

it took me some time to do this right as i felt like an idiot doing it but the end result has been 2 things - 1 you actually begin to discover the root of some of your problems and 2 by the time you finish doing all this stuff quite often the worst of the feeling/thought has passed....for me that means the god awful panic mode is ShutDown and it's a whole lot easier to not go out and screw up.

this stuff hasn't been a quick fix either....3 years and counting but i am getting better. i used to use every day and i used for one single reason - to not feel. now, i might do a shot once or twice a month and even that is in the process of fading away.

Yes, thank you for that. I used to suck my thumb then promptly graduated to drinking and smoking etc. I know what you mean about the 'blankey' effect. I am afraid to feel my feelings too. I feel like I am encino man and I am afraid to unfreeze (be sober forever) because a broken half dead woman is under all that ice. When it thaws, its going to hurt like hell. I know its coming. Like knowing someone is going to beat you up after school, the dread of it causes terror and we end up going back and sucking our thumb again, whatever our thumb may be these days. I am with you, wish I had some advice. I know its coming and I hope that it is true that whatever does not kill me will make me stronger. I am afraid of not being able to stop crying or function in my life. I have too many people depending on me to have a nervous breakdown. So it seems drinking and using are like pushing the pause button on complete healing. Oy, Ve! But all there is is hope, and I have been witness to people actually getting out of the life and I hear rumors that it is possible to be free. Some rats escape the mouse trap, who knew? Tells me it is possible.