[rawpasta]

Hi, I am male 17 and in grade 12.

I drink a lot and alone. Its not really like i choose to be alone, just all my friends ditched me and i dont have anyone to drink with. Anyways, I am usually pretty decently happy but every now and then i just feel really ****** or angry or mad and the only way I can deal with it is drinking. I dont drink often, but when i do drink, i drink a lot. So in a typical month, I'll probably only drink like 5 or 6 times. But each time I drink about 400ml of whiskey and get really drunk and blackout and cant remember anything.

I want to go to college and am waiting to get accepted. I just got fired from my part time job and have about 400 dollars in my bank account. I owe people about 1000 dollars but i can pay them back anytime, no rush. I am not of age and so I usually have to bother my neighbour for alcohol and alcohol in canada is expensive. I have no income now and little money. I want to save my money and buy some other stuff like music etc. But alcohol is like basically the only way i can get through my life now without it getting worse. And its a huge financial burden.

Whenever i begin to feel bad, i just cant do anything, cant do my homework thats due tommorow worth 15% of final grade for example.

I know it makes sense to just stop drinking because its not good for my health or wallet and makes things worse. But i cant stop because i dont know what else ill do. If i dont drink, my anger and self loathing would probably build up until i hang myself. so its to the point where either i:

1. drink and have poor health and no money but still get through school or,
2. dont drink, save money, have good health, but go crazy, dont pass school, start self harming again, might end my life.

So i dont know what to do

And if your answer is to see a therapist, id actually like to in theory. But in reality, id be to shy to say anything, waste of time, dont want my parents knowing anything is up.

So please help because I just dont know what to do. Thanks!

[Crourt]

Hello rawpasta, I think you should tell to your parents what's your problem. They can help you because they're your family, their support and advice can really help. Don't be ashamed because you have a problem like that, your family will surely help a lot because they care for you. Your first step is to be open to them and let them help you with your problem.
Oh and by the way, tell them all your problem and you really want to go to college. Hope this advice will be a good help. Good luck to you.

[arachnophobia.kid]

You sound like me several years ago with some minor differences. I was able to get out of the habit of drinking later in life but it got much worse before it got better. I hope that doesn't happen to you. I also unfortunately can't really offer any good advice since I wanted to stop for a long time but nothing really worked for me. I had to find a good enough reason to stop which ended up being a girl.

[Perna]

Originally Posted by rawpasta

If i dont drink, my anger and self loathing would probably build up until i hang myself. so its to the point where either i:

1. drink and have poor health and no money but still get through school or,
2. dont drink, save money, have good health, but go crazy, dont pass school, start self harming again, might end my life.

So i dont know what to do

There's a lot of assumptions about the future that are all made up in your head? Why can you not decide to have good health and good mental health at the same time? It is about choices. If you want to save your money and buy other stuff like music, you can choose to do that instead of spend the money on liquor.

When you get to college they often have counselling centers; you could decide right now to get a notebook/"texts" from the library and work on making friends/feeling better/getting a future life you would enjoy rather than be anxious, depressed, and self harming. What we imagine about the future is all imagined, in our little pea brains :-) and I have decided when I get anxious that I might as well make myself learn to imagine good things as ugly ones?

The worrying and possible things that could go wrong do not go away anywhere in life, one can only learn to work with them better and adjust one's attitude. I'm 63 and getting older and physically weaker/less able to do stuff and more often in pain, etc. That's not going to get any better? I can worry about that, imagine scenarios of pain or having to have someone else wipe my bottom for me because I'm physically unable or I can adjust my activity and attention to health issues better so it will be a longer time coming or less embarrassing. Just thinking up bad scenarios and giving up doesn't really take a lot of effort or do that much for us but cause pain?

"Decide" you do not want to drink. Buy a silly looking piggy bank and start saving money. Divide your money into payback-what-owed and "music" and what ever else you would like instead of liquor. Decide you don't like liquor and how it makes you feel and remind yourself of that and come up with something else to think/do when you are feeling anxious, depressed, alone, etc.

Think of other things choices besides just your two; two is not a "choice" situation, it's an on/off switch; decide to drink on a schedule/get your neighbor to buy you 1 miniature every 10 days or something instead of whole bottles. Make up some reason that you don't think your parents would mind your seeing a therapist for, tell them you are having trouble concentrating/doing your school work or you have relationship issues and you'd like to see a therapist for 10 sessions (start somewhere) and then use whatever little bit of therapy they are willing to give to make a plan for your future. It can be easier to make a larger plan and work toward that than just to narrowing focus on a single aspect of your life and how it is a problem. The adage about it being easier to steer a car that is moving is true. Do anything toward a direction you would prefer and you should find it easier to move in that direction and forward?

[rawpasta]

Awesome replies, really guys, great answers. Thanks so much. I think I will stop buying booze and when the time comes that i want to drink, i wont have any booze or any way of getting some and basically cutting myself off. I think I'll just avoid therapy. Don't think I need it. But, yea I'll see how it goes for a couple weeks and redecide from there. Thanks!

[RunningEagleRuns]

Maybe try to solve the problems that cause you to drink?

[BlueInanna]

Originally Posted by rawpasta

Awesome replies, really guys, great answers. Thanks so much. I think I will stop buying booze and when the time comes that i want to drink, i wont have any booze or any way of getting some and basically cutting myself off. I think I'll just avoid therapy. Don't think I need it. But, yea I'll see how it goes for a couple weeks and redecide from there. Thanks!

Hi rawpasta, I'm impressed that you're able to come here and say it's been a problem, kudos. I have 2 teens with drug issues. It's so hard to get better, but possible.

If the above works, awesome. But these temptation are strong & will only get worse if you continue. I think you're thinking ahead & see all the future problems it can cause. Quitting now is the better time to do it than later. I think you're very thoughtful and have a good brain.

But if above plan doesn't happen to work out, I think a residential or IOP (intensive outpatient) rehab would be ideal. This is why you'd have to talk to your parents about it, they need to help find & fund one. I think people don't tell family so they can keep the option open to continue using. It's a tricky dangerous slope.

My 19 yo daughter is in an IOP, she sincerely likes it. A lot. Her problem is heroin, but many people are in there for an alcohol problem. She's working out her issues - why she has the problem - and making new friends. Friends and social life are really important at your age, well and for all of us.

There is a lot of support out there, you're not alone. Please reach out for support. Best wishes, take care.

[rawpasta]

Man, I am feeling really like **** right now and wish I had a drink

[Perna]

Sometimes when you feel like **** like that, you have to just go to bed and call it a day? Grab a book and start reading about someone else's problem until you get enough of it in your head you can think about it while you fall asleep (instead of your own thoughts/worries) is what I do.

Do you drink enough water and take a B complex vitamin? Drinking uses both of those and that's why one gets hangovers (mostly because of the lack of water; the brain uses most of the water in the body and the body makes sure there is "enough" water for the brain so when you get short, you get the headache, etc., lots of headaches can be eased by drinking some water (takes some time though); people think OJ or aspirin help but it's actually the water in using those that is the key). I keep bottles of water (room temp) on my dresser for my needs at night (aspirin, vitamins, some meds I take in the middle of the night) and one in my bathroom (rather than a cup/tap water). Think up a healthy routine and put it into practice and it might distract you some from your reasons for wishing to drink?

[avlady]

take it one day at a time-in your case one moment at a time. yes vitamin b may help. drink water instead like perna said. just think of how bad you'll feel with a hangover even before you take a drink. that should give you a positive reason to not take the alcohol, it worked for me.

[Tist1975]

Hello. What you shared makes me remind of my brother. Aside from the fact that we already know about his problem and are trying to help him with it.

Why don't you tell your parents about your problem? I think there's a reason you're shy about it.

I really think you need help. All that anger and rage has to come from somewhere and trying to drown it in booze will not help.