[LibertyBelle]

When we got together he had been clean for 3 years and was finishing school. A year ago, some tall tale happened and he relapsed, and he's been "getting clean" and relapsing over and over again for the past year. Now he's on cymbalta and remeron too. In addition to xanax. I saw him yesterday and noticed 2 huge swollen (bright pink) looking welts on his hands yesterday and asked him, he said they were old, I'm calling shenanigans on that. They totally were not from weeks ago. I'm sick of being lied to & I don't think he's really serious about getting clean. It wouldn't even bother me if he didn't lie, to be honest. But, he just treats me like I'm his parents or anyone else in his past who yelled at him about this, and that's so not my style. I just don't think I can be with a liar. I think I should break up with him. Also he started smoking and wasn't a smoker when we got together. I feel like a victim of a bait and switch scam.

Should I just leave him or stick with him, if you say stick with him then how can I support him and get him to be honest with me, because I really can't tolerate being lied to at all.

[madisgram]

probably the best thing is for you to distance yourself from him, imo. it does sound like he's using. if it were me i'd tell him why i was detatching from the relationship. active users when confronted will protect their use at all costs. family, concerned friends and significant others.
i hope he gets honest and recovers but only time will tell. the most important person for you to focus on is YOU. i wish u well.

[LibertyBelle]

Originally Posted by madisgram

probably the best thing is for you to distance yourself from him, imo. it does sound like he's using. if it were me i'd tell him why i was detatching from the relationship. active users when confronted will protect their use at all costs. family, concerned friends and significant others.
i hope he gets honest and recovers but only time will tell. the most important person for you to focus on is YOU. i wish u well.

I have been distancing myself from him. I rarely see him at all anymore. I haven't been intimate with him in months.

[interecreperum]

As a recovered heroin addict, I would say that it's important that he has something to live for, however, he doesn't want to ruin your life or drag you down.

That's a tough one for me, because it holds a high personal value. You could always force detox (locking in a room for a couple weeks) or, you could get him to a clinic for methadone (not recommended). He will hate you for a bit but, he'll thank you later.

If you cut him from your life, he may feel abandoned, which could lead to depression and possible self-harm. You shouldn't feel obligated to put up with it, however, he wants you to be involved in his addiction about as much as you want to be involved in it.

I apologise for rambling, simply trying to help.

[LibertyBelle]

Originally Posted by interecreperum

As a recovered heroin addict, I would say that it's important that he has something to live for, however, he doesn't want to ruin your life or drag you down.

That's a tough one for me, because it holds a high personal value. You could always force detox (locking in a room for a couple weeks) or, you could get him to a clinic for methadone (not recommended). He will hate you for a bit but, he'll thank you later.

If you cut him from your life, he may feel abandoned, which could lead to depression and possible self-harm. You shouldn't feel obligated to put up with it, however, he wants you to be involved in his addiction about as much as you want to be involved in it.

I apologise for rambling, simply trying to help.

He just got a good job. The lying and the smoking bother me more then anything else. I can handle lots of things but I can't tolerate lying. Smoking just reminds me of death and cancer, I can't be in love with that, let alone tolerate it being pressed against me.

Rambling is cool with me Thanks for your input.

[The sphinx27]

I'm in recovery from heroin/opiates myself. I think the best I can say is to confront him and say you are not happy. You are sick of the lying and sick of the drugs. Tell him you are by his side. Tell him you need to get help and you will not deal with this life anymore. Tell him if you love me you will go and get help. I see one person said methadone,it's not a bad thing and anything is better then shooting heroin. However if he has a full time job methadone will be very hard because of what they make you do. Have you or him ever thought of suboxone? It worked for me and you can be on it and still hold down a job. But the best thing about it in my opinion is that you absolutely under no circumstance can get high on anything while you are on it. So if he is on it and relapse it will not do anything for him and he will know it is a waste to even try. That would deter most addicts.

[LibertyBelle]

Originally Posted by The sphinx27

I'm in recovery from heroin/opiates myself. I think the best I can say is to confront him and say you are not happy. You are sick of the lying and sick of the drugs. Tell him you are by his side. Tell him you need to get help and you will not deal with this life anymore. Tell him if you love me you will go and get help. I see one person said methadone,it's not a bad thing and anything is better then shooting heroin. However if he has a full time job methadone will be very hard because of what they make you do. Have you or him ever thought of suboxone? It worked for me and you can be on it and still hold down a job. But the best thing about it in my opinion is that you absolutely under no circumstance can get high on anything while you are on it. So if he is on it and relapse it will not do anything for him and he will know it is a waste to even try. That would deter most addicts.

Yeah he was on suboxone for a while last year, but not anymore.

[Malachite]

Dear LibertyBelle,

In light of the date of this post, I hope; you have moved on. I mean, is there really anything more important than defending your personal boundaries? Are they not what defines you?

I hope, all is well,

Larry

[Marshellette]

Run, run away as fast as you can.

There's an old joke:

Q: What's one thing that always comes out of a junkie's mouth?

A: Lies.

[kala83]

it sounds like a hard place to me in I am sure you care about him but his addiction sounds like a real problem....even if you do care for him the best thing you can do is distance yourself but be there for him if he does need emotional support if things get bad enough maybe telling him you think he should go into a rehab program is a good idea...