[GTheVisionary]

The title say's it all. I need to know why you guys drink, and how long have you guys been drinking for. My father's almost 50 or possibly older then that, well hes around that age. He's been drinking for a long time, i know deep down he wants to stop but i dont think he knows how to. So i need some input on this, i want to help my father i don't want to have to bury him any time soon. OO by the way thanks.

[splitimage]

Hi there, welcome to PC and the addictions forum.

I drank for a long time too - started drinking regularly in my 20's and became a daily drinker in my 30's and finally decided to quit when I was 38. That was 5 years ago. I've been struggling with staying sober ever since then, I've had lots of relapses but I keep trying.

Why'd I'd drink? Simple - to numb out. So I wouldn't have to feel my emotions, because I didn't know how to handle them or how to cope with life. Towards the end I was drinking simply because I literally needed to drink, I was physically dependent upon alcohol to the point that if I went 12 hours without it, I'd start getting physical withdrawl symptoms bad.

You say you think your Dad want's to quit. What makes you say that? If he does that's good, but it can be really scary and it was hard for me to even imagine life without alcohol and I'm younger than your Dad.

If you want to try to talk to him about getting help try to wait until he's sober if he ever is. Suggest that he go to an AA meeting, You'll find AA in the phonebook or you can google it for your city. They most likely will have a central line that you can call where they'll tell you where meetings are. I'd also strongly suggest that you have him talk to his Dr. if he has one about his drinking and help with quitting if he does decide he wants to stop. I don't want to scare you but alcohol withdrawal can be dangerous if someone's been drinking heavily for a long period - I've had 2 withdrawal seizures and came close to having a heart attack / stroke on one withdrawal. I needed medical detox where they give you drugs to reduce the risk - it also by the way makes the withdrawal a lot less painful.

Your Dad might also like to consider getting formal treatment. Some people are able to get / stay sober just using AA alone, and that's great. Some people need treatment. There are lots of treatment options in terms of residential vs day treatment and varying lengths of time. I don't know what country you're in or what your health insurance situation is like, but it's possible that addiction treatment would be covered (it's covered by public health insurance in Canada for example). His Dr. might be able to help with referals there too.

I wish you well in helping your Dad.

splitimage

[Leed]

Hi ~ Splitimage gave you some great advice. Whether your Dad goes just to AA or goes to inpatient treatment, he has to want to get sober more than anything else for it to work! If it's just a half-hearted approach, his chances of staying sober aren't very good.

I drank HEAVILY for over 20 years. I passed out nightly and had regular blackouts. I'm very lucky I didn't die from it. I finally called AA and asked for help. They welcomed me with open arms and helped me until I could help myself. They showed me how the program of AA works, and helped me work the 12 steps of recovery. My first meeting was July 29, 1993 -- and I haven't had a drink since. That was almost 19 years ago and by the grace of God and AA I pray I'll never drink again!

The same can hold true for your Dad IF HE REALLY WANTS IT. You can talk to him about it, but all the pleading & begging won't help if he doesn't want to get sober.

Some people have done an intervention on loved ones, but this should be done ONLY with a trained specialist -- contact an AA member for more information on this. Do NOT try to do this on your own!!!

Best of luck & I hope you can get your Dad to either meetings or detox. God bless & take care. Hugs, Lee

[notz]

In the beginning I drank to loosen up at parties and get togethers, I really liked the buzz too! Somewhere along the way I drank because it was my way of coping, I drank to be numb and not be a full participant in my life. I thought I could handle it, truth be known, it handled me. It handled me like a tornado handles a tree...snapped me right in two.

In my late 30's I just couldn't begin a day without drinking, couldn't end a day without drinking either. Things got bad, all those close to me had had enough. It was hard for them to love me anymore while they watched me get worse and worse. They wrung their hands because they didn't know what to do. They didn't want to turn their backs but they couldn't continue. Of course, I didn't help, I was chasing them away 'cause I thought I wasn't worth saving. I hope that gives you some insight into "why."

What happened? I got a good look at myself one night in the mirror. Physically, I didn't look too good. I kept looking and replaying so many drunk episodes in my head. Still looking at how bad I looked and felt. The next morning, I promptly started drinking wine and I got drunk. Somewhere in the stupor I called someone for help. They came over and sat with me to keep me safe.

So, It's been several years since I walked into my 1st AA meeting. It's where I needed to be to get that monkey off my back. Darn good place to go. Everyone is like everyone else...all got trouble with that alcohol. People from all walks of life, every occupation you can think of and they welcome you kindly with understanding because they've all been there.

Ask your dad to try 6 meetings. It doesn't matter if he's still drinking or not. Ask him to go to a meeting or 2 or 6 and that way he'll know where to go when he's ready. Or maybe he'll be ready then. Remember, he'll be ready when the disease of alcoholism gets to a point where he has to make that decision. It's his to make.

Remember, you can't make anyone do anything. Show him some options and then you've done all you can do.

For yourself, there's Al Anon where the only requirement is that you have a problem with someone's drinking. I highly recommend it. You shouldn't have to be alone in all this. Try 6 meetings yourself.

Stay on PC and write in this Forum, there are many good people here who can give good perspective for you during this tough time.

[Altered Moment]

I was a hard core alcoholic for 17 years. I got sober and stayed sober in AA. The concept there is that I was powerless over alcohol. Meaning I could not possibly quit under my own power. I needed lots of help. So in my opinion your father has to really want to stop for himself and get help to do it. I was powerless because the mental obsession to start drinking was bigger than my will power to not drink. Once I started, on most occasions, I could not stop. There is actually a biological reason for the not being able to stop part.

With my Dad we did a professional intervention and it worked. Look it up.

[glok]

Hello, GTheVisionary. I too had to stop the toxic brew from owning me. You have been given excellent advice.

One more thing. Your father has a problem. Please do not create a second one by allowing his problem to become embedded in your head and overwhelm you. Establish sound boundaries to look out for yourself.

[trying2survive]

Originally Posted by GTheVisionary

The title say's it all. I need to know why you guys drink, and how long have you guys been drinking for. My father's almost 50 or possibly older then that, well hes around that age. He's been drinking for a long time, i know deep down he wants to stop but i dont think he knows how to. So i need some input on this, i want to help my father i don't want to have to bury him any time soon. OO by the way thanks.

i stated drinking when i was 16..i drank excessively for 25 years.
my 3rd DUI was the last straw for me.

i was tired of it costing me so much money, the judges, the court systems, the jails & pleading for my freedom.

when i started it was for "fun" , everyone was doing it back then. worse case scenario a cop would drop you off at home, drunk and you had a lil explaining to do to your parents.

my parents got divorced when i was 16 and things started to get out of hand,though i was never close to my parents..they were still "mom" and "dad' and i expected them to stay together..well they didn't and that sent me over the edge.

like many of the other posters said, it can be done,but you have to want it..i did it. i quit for a year and a half to see if i could, longest i had ever been sober in my life. now i only drink occasionally and nothing like before and almost always at home. i'm not out all hours of the night drinking and driving and inviting trouble anymore.

since i had quit for that year and a half..i find myself drinking less and less. i had a few for this holiday weekend but only on the 4th, nothing yesterday or today. before i would have drank the whole time through.