[Chartres]

I'm new in AA, started going about six months ago but have not had continuous sobriety. About a month ago, I finally asked someone to sponsor me and she has been great. It is incredibly difficult for me to let other people in, but I have been opening up to her and felt very thankful and positive about this. Just within the last week, I have started to think that with her help, maybe I could stay sober and that it is okay to let myself depend on her.

Tonight she texted me that her daughter killed herself. It is so horrible! I feel so badly for her and her family. Especially since I have been suicidal at times myself. In fact, a big reason why I want to stop drinking is because I can get into a really negative, suicidal place when I drink.

I just don't know what to do. I feel powerless to help her. She asked me to find someone else to be a temporary sponsor. I completely understand this. But there is a part of me that feels sorry for myself - just when I was opening up and developing a relationship where I could trust someone and let them help me....now it is taken away.

But then of course I feel terrible for making this about me. Such conflicting feelings!

[Little Lulu]

This is a loss for both of you - she lost her daughter and you lost a sponsor which is no small thing. Sponsors can be very meaningful people in our lives. I have had the same sponsor for ten years and she is tops on my daily gratitude list.

I hope you find a new sponsor soon, continue to work on your recovery, and offer what support that seems reasonable to this woman.

One day at a time ...

[Altered Moment]

I am so sorry for you and your sponsor. That is a big blow. Maybe you can support your sponsor. Where I live everyone always brings food over. Like food can heal anything. But it is a way to try to reach out and say you care. Maybe you could try that. Let her know you are there for her. In my opinion sponsors should be friends first and not some almighty guru with all the answers. they are human.

[notz]

I agree with Zinco that supporting your sponsor as best you can during a time like this is a nice thing to do. You could talk with a newbie about how AA has been for you so far just as a way to honor your sponsor.

Stay close to your group, and find a sub as a check in point person while your sponsor is absent. Let us know how you're doing.

[psychstudent123]

This is a very complicated situation you are in. Conflicting feelings are normal in this type of situation. You are only human and we have adapted to think of ourselves more than others. It is of course horrible that your sponsors daughter has committed suicide. I know a lot about suicide as 3 of my childhood friends had committed suicide and i have had very difficult conversations with friends and family as to why they should not just kill theirselves also. Drink is usually the common attribute to most suicides so i advise that stay away from alcohol as much as you can and try to be among sober people with positive attitudes towards life. I've learnt that being with the right people can profoundly change your attitudes towards behaviours or addictions (alcoholism for example). As i also have a bit of a drinking problem i hope you can get out of the rout as its nothin but a downward spiral into a pitt of dispair. Good luck in the life change.

[ramirorico]

You feel abandoned and it hurts. Try to keep her in your life. She said to find a temporary sponsor not a permanent one so the relationship is not over.