[FrozenYogurt]

Hi, I'm not sure if I'm in the right place, but I figure this is a safe place. Last August I went to inpatient rehab for opioid abuse. I had been taking painkillers, heroin, whatever resembled an opiate high. At my worst, I was taking approximately 100mg oxycodone per day. One day I cracked, and went to get help. But I wasn't ready to quit then. I thought I was, but I relapsed a month later and haven't stopped since. I convince myself that I'm not as bad as I was, but I am, truthfully. Maybe worse.

I took some fentanyl last night. My breathing was so poor that I was afraid I wouldn't wake up. I feel like I'm really ready to quit now. Where do I go from here? Every day I wake up wanting to get high. I think about it every day. I have to do something now before I lose my attention on getting better. But I'm afraid nobody will take me seriously, since I'm not actively in w/d. Is a suboxone or methadone treatment possible? Honestly, the only way I feel like I'll get better is with maintenance therapy. No matter how long I go without them, I'll always crave them.

[kaliope]

i really am not familiar with the treatment procedure for opiates but i know that going to a detox center/rehab now that your ready is the place to be. i dont believe they can turn you away just because you are not in withdrawals. it is not just about treating the physical symptoms. it is the addictive thoughts that are most important to treat. a great start would be going to as many narcotics anonymous meetings as you can a day. lunch meetings, evening meetings. i believe they are even early morning meetings. they can teach you what to do about those thoughts. good luck to you.

[FrozenYogurt]

I've been to several NA meetings and 6 weeks of outpatient. None of it helped. It just didn't work for me. I've been to therapy and that didn't help. I'm frustrated because I feel like I need to do this for myself, and I've made genuine attempts to do so, but I haven't found a single thing that makes those thoughts go away.

[spondiferous]

Hey FY, I'm sorry to hear of your struggles.
What options do you think would work best for you? I'm in Canada, and I don't know if it's different there but here, you don't have to be in withdrawals to enter any kind of program. In my experience, detox and recovery are vastly different processes for everyone. I was afraid when I came into recovery that I wouldn't be able to (and didn't deserve) help because I wasn't "sick" enough: I was "only" an alcoholic who only "occasionally" dabbled in drugs, and I didn't have delirium tremens yet. I wasn't homeless. So how bad could it be?
The truth is, I was done living the way I was living. I tried so many times to quit and couldn't. I had no access to help or resources. I didn't know what to do about it. What I ended up doing was trying the SMART program, which didn't work for me. I ended up relapsing. After a year of being "back out" (relapsed), I entered a drug and alcohol recovery house (inpatient treatment facility) with a minimum 3 month commitment, and ended up being there 4 1/2 months. It was 12-step based, and everyone, regardless of substance problem, went to both AA and NA meetings.
That ended up being the foundation that got and kept me clean. I am nearing my 9 year sobriety anniversary. I spent my first 3 1/2 years immersed in 12 step stuff, and don't regret a single day, though I know different strokes work for different folks. After those 3 1/2 years I did many other things, including 16 steps, various group and individual therapies, skills-based groups, clinics (for other issues), mental health help, spiritual seeking, etc.
I encourage you to figure out what it is you think will work for you, and try it. Outpatient can be difficult because you still have so many hours in a day to figure out what to do with yourself, and while millions of people get and stay sober that way, some people cannot. On the other hand, inpatient is not always an option for people. I don't know what it's like there, but you may want to look into as many resources as possible. If you want to know anything about my journey, or just need someone to talk to, please feel free to private message me. I rarely check the forums at times.
In the meantime, I wish you the very best in your recovery journey. It is ****ing hard, but I can promise you, no matter how life turns out, the sober way is the best way. However hard you have to work right now, it is worth it.

[notz]

Originally Posted by FrozenYogurt

I've been to several NA meetings and 6 weeks of outpatient. None of it helped. It just didn't work for me. I've been to therapy and that didn't help. I'm frustrated because I feel like I need to do this for myself, and I've made genuine attempts to do so, but I haven't found a single thing that makes those thoughts go away.

In my opinion, the majority of people who get sober get it by going to meetings, therapy, possible medications, getting a friend who knows what addiction/recovery is like, etc. all at the same time.

Any addiction is nasty as you well know. Play the odds in your favor, throw everything you can at it and try, try again. Don't give up!! My first drink of alcohol was when I was 15 and my last drink or drug was when I was at age 40. Now I'm 61. I tried over and over to quit but nothing stuck. Finally it did. Keep trying!!!

[unwinding]

If you look in your area, there may be some NA meetings you can go to. Or sometimes if there aren't you can use AA meetings as a good substitute. They go off the same format and generally its the same information. I went to plenty of AA meetings to recover from my cocaine addiction I previously kicked. If you need someone who has some experience you can always send me a message! Good luck! Take care! stay safe!

[Mygrandjourney]

Outpatient treatment can be very effective if your living situation is conducive to recovery (meaning no other addicts living w/ you). Have you considered or been recommended to consider replacement therapy such as Suboxone or Methadone? They have been controversial, but if done right, have also helped many.

[Crazy Hitch]

A sincere congratulations from me to you FrozenYogurt for saying:

"I feel like I'm really ready to quit now."

At any stage we are going to make a change we need to acknowledge what it is that we really want changing and you seemed determined and motivated towards wanting this and I believe that this is a positive motivator in driving you towards making these changes.

May this be successful for you. I believe you can.