[shakespeare47]

I'm not sure if this is the place to criticize 12 step groups, I'm sure this can be moved, if need be.

I was involved with a rather strange one for several years. I saw a counselor, who referred me to a pastor who ran a small group. The pastor claimed it was a 12 step group, and did talk about some of the concepts and the 12 steps, but he also set himself up as the leader and never talked about his own problems, but rather encouraged us to talk about ours, and then let us know what he thought.

He was fond of saying "you're only as sick as your secrets" and that was intended to be motivation for us to talk about ours... apparently it didn't apply to him.

His worst quality was that he would talk about other members when they weren't there. I called him out on that one. I don't think he liked me very much.

So, imagine a group of 5-7 guys all sitting in a room with a manipulative pastor who apparently thought he was in a superior position and able to help us, while claiming it was a 12-step group.

I'm trying to remember just why it was I stuck around for so long. I found out later that the church he pastors is one of those young-earth-creationist types.

[Altered Moment]

Doesn't really sound like a twelve step group. Here are the twelve traditions that a twelve step group is based on. There are leaders but they are regularly changed. Term limits and elections. A single meeting may have a secretary, really just a facilitator, someone to make the coffee and open the door, for six months and then it changes.

THE TWELVE TRADITIONS OF ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS
(SHORT FORM)
1. Our common welfare should come first; personal recovery depends upon
A.A. unity.
2. For our group purpose there is but one ultimate authority—a loving God as
He may express Himself in our group conscience. Our leaders are but
trusted servants; they do not govern.
3. The only requirement for A.A. membership is a desire to stop drinking.
4. Each group should be autonomous except in matters affecting other groups
or A.A. as a whole.
5. Each group has but one primary purpose—to carry its message to the
alcoholic who still suffers.
6. An A.A. group ought never endorse, finance, or lend the A.A. name to any
related facility or outside enterprise, lest problems of money, property, and
prestige divert us from our primary purpose.
7. Every A.A. group ought to be fully self-supporting, declining outside
contributions.
8. Alcoholics Anonymous should remain forever nonprofessional, but our
service centers may employ special workers.
9. A.A., as such, ought never be organized; but we may create service boards
or committees directly responsible to those they serve.
10. Alcoholics Anonymous has no opinion on outside issues; hence the A.A.
name ought never be drawn into public controversy.
11. Our public relations policy is based on attraction rather than promotion; we
need always maintain personal anonymity at the level of press, radio, and
films.
12. Anonymity is the spiritual foundation of all our Traditions, ever reminding us
to place principles before personalities

[shakespeare47]

He did give us a "12 step Bible".. it was a regular Bible with commentary on how the 12 step program could work with Christianity.

After reading some of the 12 step literature for myself, it didn't take me long to figure out that his group was not like a typical 12 step group, even though I've still never actually been to a "real" 12-step group.

[Altered Moment]

yeah there are variations on it. I once went for awhile to a group called overcomers anonymous. it was christian and based on the bible and twelve steps. it was a good group but not for me.

I guess people can start whatever group they want to start. question is how helpful is it to you. i used to kind of be taken in by the wise guru type but not anymore. usually it is all about their own ego. true wise gurus are very humble and don't advertise how wise they are.

[JadeAmethyst]

I agree with Zinco. Good luck finding a new group you can feel ease with.

[shakespeare47]

I just wanted to revisit this and mention that I've come to learn that a common practice of cults is to get it's members to confess to "sins" and then to use those confessions against the members, and as a coercion, as it is implied that if anyone leaves or does anything that the leadership might not like, those confessions would be made public.

It was definitely going on in our group. There were times when what I confessed was used against me in a manipulative way.

[Mygrandjourney]

It doesn't sound like a true 12 step recovery group to me, but rather a counseling group (hence having the pastor as a leader) that used 12 step philosophy as it's foundation. You might need to broaden your search to find one that works for you.

[shakespeare47]

Originally Posted by Mygrandjourney

It doesn't sound like a true 12 step recovery group to me, but rather a counseling group (hence having the pastor as a leader) that used 12 step philosophy as it's foundation. You might need to broaden your search to find one that works for you.

There were experiences I had many years ago, I'm just alerting others to the dangers out there.