[freespirit37]

I have tried for months now to attend AA meetings daily as suggested by old-timers and my sponsor. The fact is, I get very triggered by them and this causes me to cycle through extreme mood swings for at least 2 days until I calm down. During these times, I am distressed to the point where I can barely function. I am unable to work or accomplish much of anything. I am behind on all my bills right now and I really need to focus on working so I don't end up homeless. I really don't see attending daily meetings as being helpful.

I've decided to go to meetings just a few times a week and I feel better about it, except that I am going to get some pushback from my sponsor. Other AA members will assume that I am drinking or am going to drink because I've cut down on meetings.

I do not believe that all alcoholics are the same. We all have different personalities and what works for some does not work for others.

I'm curious as to how often others here attend AA meetings and if you've been able to maintain sobriety.

[Moogieotter]

Hi freespirit37,

I just do scattered meetings these days. My first meeting was almost 24 years ago. I have been in and out of the program since then. Currently closing in on 3 years totally clean and sober and I might have been to 20 meetings this stretch.

Best of luck,

moogs

[Buffala]

You are responsible for your well being, and if going to certain meetings are causing you so much distress that you can't work I would say it's not good for you.

Sometimes old timers talk can undermine the recovery of people who also have mental-health issues because they forget that everyone's recovery experience is different and different people need different levels of support.

I found that I am generally in a good place when I attend one AA meeting a week, and one Codependents Anonymous meeting a week, but that doesn't work for everyone.

I've run into old timers who are convinced that what they did/do to stay sober worked for them so it will work for everyone. Maybe they did need daily meetings or they were out there drinking, so they assume you're doing the same.

Also, I suggest you talk to your sponsor about how much anxiety this "requirement" is causing you. On the coins they give out it says to thine own self be true, not "do everything your sponsor and the old timers tell you to do."

[freespirit37]

Hi Buffala,

I agree with everything you said. The old-timers are exactly like that.

But the only requirement for membership is the desire to not drink and I keep coming back to that.

I am now going to about 4 meetings per week. I go randomly, whenever it fits in with my schedule. And I find that I actually ENJOY meetings now. I really hated meetings when I went every day.

I expressed my anxieties to my sponsor last week. She has backed off this issue. I must say I'm not used to that. I'm not used to people respecting my boundaries and being supportive. I really expected her to continue to try and convince me that her way is best. I'm really surprised, and happy!

[Velouria]

I started out by going to AA meetings, went for a year or so, then stopped. I couldn't take the constant blaming of "the disease" when everyone was not drinking, the staunch belief that AA was the only answer for sobriety and that any other method would not work, and the incredible contradictions between people's behavior and how they preached the steps and the slogans. And also, there is the apparent replacement of one addiction (alcohol) for another (AA meetings). And while it's better to be in AA meetings than drinking, they all seem to think that if you're not at meetings, you're not "sober," even if you're "dry." It's ********.

But most importantly was really the blaming of "the disease" without taking personal responsibility. It was very deflective and it annoyed the hell out of me. They also seemed to often disregard how mental illness could play a huge part in substance abuse.

I've been sober for almost 6 years this April. I only went to AA for one of those years. I took what I needed from AA and left. It's all about resolve, self-awareness, and ultimately "thinking through the drink," to use a slogan. You just have to remember it's not worth it -- going back to drinking is not worth the loss of what you've rebuilt for yourself, and of your relationships.

Originally Posted by Velouria

But most importantly was really the blaming of "the disease" without taking personal responsibility.

Personally, I don't believe that alcoholism is a disease and never felt the fellowship they talked about in AA or bought into the 12 Step Program.

I drank for over 20 years and it's been almost 20 years since I stopped. I'm not "whiteknuckling it", and it's no longer a part of my life. If that doesn't equate to someone else's definition of sobriety that doesn't bother me at all.

I don't do drugs either, and while I don't have nearly as much clean time in from getting high (5 years), I'm not using and have no desire to.

Again, this is just my own personal opinion and experience. If it works for you that's great.

[freespirit37]

I understand what you are saying Velouria, and I find myself thinking the same kind of things. I have trouble calling alcoholism a disease as well. I can call it an addiction, but not a disease. If I call it a disease then that could lead to me avoiding personal responsibility, and I could rationalize it to the point where I could go back to drinking. (I couldn't help it, the disease made me do it, etc.)

I also dislike the assumption that if you don't go to meetings daily, then you must be drinking. That may be true for some people, but not everyone.

I do think though, that working the steps is important for my recovery. My goal is not just to stay sober, but to get better.

The cheesy slogans do annoy me a lot, because they don't really answer the deep questions or deal with the real issues.

For instance, when I was upset about inappropriate things that some of the men were saying in meetings, my sponsor would say, "Remember that some are sicker than others." Okay that doesn't help. Maybe I don't WANT to be around those who are sicker than me and I shouldn't have to be.

[Velouria]

Originally Posted by freespirit37

I understand what you are saying Velouria, and I find myself thinking the same kind of things. I have trouble calling alcoholism a disease as well. I can call it an addiction, but not a disease. If I call it a disease then that could lead to me avoiding personal responsibility, and I could rationalize it to the point where I could go back to drinking. (I couldn't help it, the disease made me do it, etc.)

I also dislike the assumption that if you don't go to meetings daily, then you must be drinking. That may be true for some people, but not everyone.

I do think though, that working the steps is important for my recovery. My goal is not just to stay sober, but to get better.

The cheesy slogans do annoy me a lot, because they don't really answer the deep questions or deal with the real issues.

For instance, when I was upset about inappropriate things that some of the men were saying in meetings, my sponsor would say, "Remember that some are sicker than others." Okay that doesn't help. Maybe I don't WANT to be around those who are sicker than me and I shouldn't have to be.

I think alcoholism/drug abuse is almost always a symptom of a larger problem, such as mental illness. I really do firmly believe that.

And that's what makes me so mad when people blame their disease -- chances are, they are blaming the wrong thing and should be in therapy, in addition to going to meetings. Meetings are not free therapy in any way.

But that's my opinion.

Working the steps is important. I don't disagree. But I think the steps need to be revised. For instance, the idea of "powerlessness" -- many people take that idea so literally. I don't believe I am powerless over alcohol, though. I can go to a bar and hang out with friends and not even be tempted to drink. But I am powerless over it once I start drinking (that's for damn sure!). If I decide to drink again, it's not because I was powerless before taking the first sip, it's because I said, "**** it, I'm gonna drink anyway." I'm still making the decision.

The steps kind of force you to shoulder the blame without telling you to understand why you've behaved the way you've behaved. "Inventory" sounds like just a log of what you've done wrong. You make amends with people you've wronged along the way -- but what if you already did that? What if you'd been practicing Step 10 the whole time you were drinking anyway? They don't believe you at all!

As for the whole "Some are sicker than others" comment about men saying inappropriate things -- that's a contradiction to taking them having to take personal inventory! And you shouldn't have to be in a room with people who are saying things that are offending you. It's counterproductive. You shouldn't have to be in an AA meeting, where you're supposed to feel safe and be focused on getting better and learning effective coping skills, with people who are making you feel uncomfortable.

Okay. I'm really sorry this was so ranty.

holy crap dehuman your avatar is amazing. ahahaha.

[shortandcute]

Originally Posted by Velouria

I started out by going to AA meetings, went for a year or so, then stopped. I couldn't take the constant blaming of "the disease" when everyone was not drinking, the staunch belief that AA was the only answer for sobriety and that any other method would not work, and the incredible contradictions between people's behavior and how they preached the steps and the slogans. And also, there is the apparent replacement of one addiction (alcohol) for another (AA meetings). And while it's better to be in AA meetings than drinking, they all seem to think that if you're not at meetings, you're not "sober," even if you're "dry." It's ********.

But most importantly was really the blaming of "the disease" without taking personal responsibility. It was very deflective and it annoyed the hell out of me. They also seemed to often disregard how mental illness could play a huge part in substance abuse.

I've been sober for almost 6 years this April. I only went to AA for one of those years. I took what I needed from AA and left. It's all about resolve, self-awareness, and ultimately "thinking through the drink," to use a slogan. You just have to remember it's not worth it -- going back to drinking is not worth the loss of what you've rebuilt for yourself, and of your relationships.

You have a really good point there. I also agree with what you are saying about the mental illness part. In my case, I feel that my alcoholism is a symptom of having bipolar disorder. A lot of times in A.A., people will insist that all mental illness is simply a result of drinking and/or not working the steps; but in my case, the drinking was because of my mental illness.

[shortandcute]

Originally Posted by Velouria

I think alcoholism/drug abuse is almost always a symptom of a larger problem, such as mental illness. I really do firmly believe that.

And that's what makes me so mad when people blame their disease -- chances are, they are blaming the wrong thing and should be in therapy, in addition to going to meetings. Meetings are not free therapy in any way.

But that's my opinion.

Working the steps is important. I don't disagree. But I think the steps need to be revised. For instance, the idea of "powerlessness" -- many people take that idea so literally. I don't believe I am powerless over alcohol, though. I can go to a bar and hang out with friends and not even be tempted to drink. But I am powerless over it once I start drinking (that's for damn sure!). If I decide to drink again, it's not because I was powerless before taking the first sip, it's because I said, "**** it, I'm gonna drink anyway." I'm still making the decision.

The steps kind of force you to shoulder the blame without telling you to understand why you've behaved the way you've behaved. "Inventory" sounds like just a log of what you've done wrong. You make amends with people you've wronged along the way -- but what if you already did that? What if you'd been practicing Step 10 the whole time you were drinking anyway? They don't believe you at all!

As for the whole "Some are sicker than others" comment about men saying inappropriate things -- that's a contradiction to taking them having to take personal inventory! And you shouldn't have to be in a room with people who are saying things that are offending you. It's counterproductive. You shouldn't have to be in an AA meeting, where you're supposed to feel safe and be focused on getting better and learning effective coping skills, with people who are making you feel uncomfortable.

Okay. I'm really sorry this was so ranty.

No need to apologize!I totally see what you're saying. One time I was at a meeting, and during the meeting, one man started talking about having taken his little grandson to the pool that day. Then, he started complaining about the women actually wearing bathing suits to the pool.Then, he started going on about how they wanted to get raped, and how women who get raped are asking to get raped, etc! That is totally uncalled for anyway, but especially at an A.A. meeting. Especially if there are women there.

[justa_seeker]

I understand what y'all are saying. I've been around many meetings, and feel I just don't fit in. I almost always wanted a drink after those meetings.Thanks for helping me to know that I'm not alone in my thoughts regarding AA.I have been sober now for at least 4 years.
thanks for writing everybody, i appreciate it very much.

[ElCambio]

I've never been to an AA meeting, but from what I've read on this board, I'm not interested. haha.
--
To discuss the "Is alcoholism a disease?" question, I believe that it is based on my own experience; my great-grandfather was an alcoholic, and he committed suicide while drunk. Also, I was hooked right from using immediately. (I have ADHD too. Maybe that had something to do with it?) Of course, your decisions and ignorance make the whole problem worse, and you need the treat the problem to have it go away.

[avlady]

my son attended substance abuse clinics. he said he knows he has a drinking problem, but didn't think he should have been with cutters and drug addicts and heroin addicts. it drove him away. he probably should have gone to AA but i myself had been to meeting years ago and didn't like the 12step program either. i havn't had a drink in years, i stopped myself because i was feeling like i was dying. please pray for my son too, he is still dealing with this too.

I go to meetings now because I live in a rural area where nothing else is available...

However, when I was in the city, I found many other options which worked better for me. Different approaches work better for different people...

Some other groups people find useful, SMART, 16 Steps, Daytox (don't know if other people have an equivalent or what it is called other places?)

[LifeGetsBetter]

I still attend one AA meeting a week. I'm my group's treasurer and chair the Monday meeting. But, I came home cranky tonight. Nearly everyone who spoke was so full of themselves I couldn't stand listening. Really put me in a bad mood.

[Sesiley]

Originally Posted by LifeGetsBetter

I still attend one AA meeting a week. I'm my group's treasurer and chair the Monday meeting. But, I came home cranky tonight. Nearly everyone who spoke was so full of themselves I couldn't stand listening. Really put me in a bad mood.

I attend them a lot. And there are more fakes than real. Brush it off and keep what you have by giving it away...

Sent from my SAMSUNG-SM-G750A using Tapatalk

Check out SMART
smartrecovery.org

16 Steps
charlottekasl.com/16-step-program

Both are great alternatives available in many cities. Oh, I miss them... You can still go to 12 steps but these do provide an alternative.