Hoping someone has some answers…..

A week ago, my ex-husband was brought to the emergency room because he was in bed screaming in pain and could not get up to walk. He had been complaining of back pain for weeks, seen his doc and been to the ER on 2 different occasions. This time, he was finally admitted.

He is 53 and a raging alcoholic. He has been since his teens. To say that he has gone through the DT’s while in the hospital is an understatement. But they are now over for him. What has now been left behind is a man whose mind is completely gone. He doesn’t know where he is at any given time. He doesn’t know what day it is, or how old his children are or who the doctors and nurses are.

Our oldest daughter has been the one to do most of the visiting and all the contact with the doctors and nurses for his care. Last week the social worker drew up a document for their father to sign giving them power of attorney so they can pay his bills and make decisions for him and his care. Unfortunately now, he is in no way able to make the decision to sign the form. So now, they are drawing up paperwork for my daughter to go to court to gain legal guardianship over him.

My question to you all is this……Have you or anyone you know gone through this mental incapacity from the DT’s and had it permanently, or recovered from it in some way? The doctor said there are enzymes that are now missing that his brain needed to function with while he was drinking. Now they are not there anymore and he is totally out of it. His back issues are that he has a compression fracture in L4 L5 and needs to do therapy to get walking again. His legs have atrophied and are painful to use also. They did have a neuro visit him yesterday for some testing to rule out other reasons for his loss of capacity. We should hear the results of that sometime today.

It certainly looks like the girls are in for a rough summer trying to get everything taken care of for their father. It’s already causing some grief between the two of them. Of course, I’m stuck in the middle as usual and not happy about having to play devil’s advocate here. While this man was abusive mentally, emotionally and physically to all of us over the years, for some reason or another I feel compelled to reach out and help in whatever way I can.

Oh well, thanks for listening to me rant and rave. We’ll get through this as we get through everything thrown our way.

Hugssssssss
J

sabau2, The medical name for what may be going on with your ex is calls "wet brain" or Wernicke-Korsakoff syndrome. This is from an online medical encyclopedia:

Wernicke-Korsakoff syndrome

Definition:
Wernicke-Korsakoff syndrome is a brain disorder involving loss of specific brain functions caused by a thiamine deficiency.

Alternative Names:
Korsakoff psychosis; Alcoholic encephalopathy; Encephalopathy - alcoholic; Wernicke's disease

Causes, incidence, and risk factors:
The syndrome is actually a spectrum, including two separate sets of symptoms, one of which tends to start when the other subsides. Wernicke's encephalopathy involves damage to multiple nerves in both the central nervous system (brain and spinal cord) and the peripheral nervous system (the rest of the body).
It may also include symptoms caused by alcohol withdrawal. The cause is generally attributed to malnutrition, especially lack of vitamin B1 (thiamine), which commonly accompanies habitual alcohol use or alcoholism.

Heavy alcohol use interferes with the metabolism of thiamine, so even in the unusual cases where alcoholics are eating a balanced diet while drinking heavily, the metabolic problem persists because most of the thiamine is not absorbed.

Korsakoff syndrome, or Korsakoff psychosis, tends to develop as Wernicke's symptoms diminish. It involves impairment of memory out of proportion to problems with other cognitive functions.

Patients often attempt to hide their poor memory by confabulating. The patient will create detailed, believable stories about experiences or situations to cover gaps in memory. This is not usually a deliberate attempt to deceive because the patient often believes what he is saying to be true. It can occur whether or not the thiamine deficiency was related to alcoholism and with other types of brain damage.

Korsakoff psychosis involves damage to areas of the brain involved with memory.

Expectations (prognosis):

Without treatment, Wernicke-Korsakoff syndrome progresses steadily to death. With treatment, symptoms (such as uncoordinated movement and vision difficulties) may be controlled, and progression of the disorder may be slowed or stopped.

Some symptoms -- particularly the loss of memory and cognitive skills -- may be permanent. There may be a need for custodial care if the loss of cognitive skills is severe.

Other disorders related to the abuse of alcohol may also be present.

Complications:

Permanent loss of memory
Permanent loss of cognitive skills
Injury caused by falls
Difficulty with personal or social interaction
Alcohol withdrawal state
Permanent alcoholic neuropathy
Shortened life span

I don't know that this is the case with your ex, but alcoholism is one tough disease, on many, many levels.
Richard

Thank you so much Richard. This is exactly what is going on. My daughter just called me with his dx and was told it was Metabolic Encephalopathy. In hindsight, this has been going on for a long time now. He is completely malnourished sometimes eating only 2 times a week. Regardless, even if he ate better, it probably wouldn't have made any difference at all.

Thank you again Richard for your post. It is most helpful. The doctors are not confident that even with treatment he will regain much of his functions, adn we believe he will have to be institutionalized. My daughters are in the process of filing for guardianship of him. It's such a sad state and my heart goes out to them for having to deal with this. I will as always be by their side helping them through it all. And I do have compassion for him even though he did some horrific things to myself and my daughters. He is sick and a human being and as such, deserves care.

Hugsssssss
J

The disease of alcoholism is a terrible thing. Your ex-husband is a reminder to us all that our disease is out there doing push-ups to try and defeat us. My disease wants me dead, but it will settle for me being drunk. Sorry you and your girls have to deal with this. It is bringing it into perspective for me. Thank you for sharing, it will help me stay sober for one more day. Keep us posted.

((((((((((undertheradar))))))))))))))

Thanks so much hon. I'm glad I could help you stay sober for one more day. I'm very glad that you are doing that.

We knew for years that this day would come for Bob. There was not telling him, cajolling him, threatening him, educating him, loving him, hating him, just nothing would ever sink in far enough for him to want to care or understand. The disease had it's stronghold early on and never ever weakened for all these years.

The doctors are going to treat him for this problem, but they do not hold out much hope. They feel he is too far gone in this disease and probably doesn't have much time left.

Any time you need a reason to stay sober, feel free to come back to this thread and re-read it. If that helps you to make it one more day, then I am blessed to know that someone is trying and succeeding!

You are in my prayers and I send you strength and peace.

Hugsssssss
J

I hope i may ask a question???

Does anyone know the time span of when this disease may happen?? At a certain age perhaps? My father is as well a raging alcoholic....and has been since he was young....he drinks literally from 5 am till around 8 pm .....with very few breaks in between....i am just wondering..i dont live with him thank god so i cant see the affects come ....but i was just wondering....and sabau...my heart goes out to you in total admiration as well as to your daughters...because the day i take care of that man will be the day i die.....i mentally could never stand it....it would be probably emotional death for me....no offence to any alcoholics..just that my dad is a very very bad bad man.

love to everyone here...inny

{{{{{{{{{{sabau2}}}}}}}}}} I admire you and your girls for doing the right thing. Thanks again.

Yes I know of a man who did recover to a degree to only pass away 2 years later. But he functioned normally for those two years. Miracle? maybe. Anything is possible.
Resentment not good to hold on to. Forgiving does not mean forgetting and does not mean we do not feel pain. Just means we choose not to hang on to it.

(((((((((inny)))))))))))

It's hard to say what the time limit its. Everyone is different. But I can pretty much guarentee you this, he now, cannot survive without the alcohol. If he were to quit, the DTs would be horrible and it's quite possible that this kind of thing would be a part of his existance.

I don't blame you at all for not being able to take care of your father. Everyone's life is different hon. You have your own very good reasons and that's ok. My oldest has always been "daddy's girl" and my youngest has always been his other child. She bares the greatest pains and has the hardest time coming to terms with helping him at all. In my eyes, you can only do what you can do....that's just the way it is.

In my life, I have learned how to forgive those that did me and my girls wrong, but I will never forget. My heart feels freer since I learned to forgive. I don't hold the anger and the pain within my heart anymore. It is now freer to feel the good things in life and not perseverate on the bad things that happened that I cannot change.

I hope someday Inny my friend, that you will be able to free yourself of that darkness. It doesn't mean you have to give in to anything, only that you take care of the light in you to come shining through

Hugs 'n Kisses
J

(((((((mlyn)))))))

You are so right m'dear. I think with time and maturity people can learn to let go. At least that was how it worked with me anyways. I'm glad the man you knew had 2 years of relative health before he passed. It is sad for sure.

Hugssss
J

i hope i can be as wise and smart and wonderful as you when i get older ((((((sabau))))) my heart is with you always

(((((((((((((((((((sab))))))))))))))))))

i'm with inny. you are such a good compassionate person to think like this after everythng he has done. i admire you and hope too that one day i will be as wise and forgiving as you.

love jinny xoxoxoxoxo

((((((((((inny & jinny)))))))))))))))

Thank you my sweets.

It takes a lot of thinking and reasoning to get to this point. It takes logic and the will to pick yourself up, dust yourself off and start all over again. It also takes learning to love yourself and forgive yourself first before you can forgive others. I still struggle with it, but I believe I have succeeded more than failed.

Love you ladies!
Hugsssssssss
J

Well....get this one folks.....

It's not "wet brain" at all that Bob is suffering from.....

His hallucinations and all were being caused by.....now get this
the nicotine patch they were applying to him every single day!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

His regular doc never figured it out, the nurses never figured it out, it took THREE visits from his neurologist to finally put it all together and remove the patch. Within a short time, he was back to himself, knew where he was, why he was there, who people were, what year it was, who the president was...etc etc etc. Only thing he can't remember is all the time he's been out there from the patch.

Good lord, our health care system at it's finest!!!!! grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr

Flippin' MAROONS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

What they put my kids (not to mention Bob) through is horrible. Damned people....need THEIR heads examined!

Ok, I'm done ranting now. Thanks for listening....see ya!

Holy crap the NICOTINE PATCH?????? Wow.....I never would have thought.....never known anyone to hallucinate from that. It must be really rare!

I used one years ago for awhile but had terrible nightmares from it. So it stands to reason that they could make someone hallucinate too. It is right on the package as one of the side affects.

I feel badly that I never gave it a thought and suggested that might be the problem, then again, I'm not a freakin doctor or nurse!!!

Go figure!

omg....how weird...well at least its nothing as serious as wet brain

Yeah it was wierd inny....and I'm with you and glad it wasn't anything more than the patch.

I guess, even though its been a horrible couple of weeks for my girls, they have had what you might call a "dry run" through all that will happen when he does take a permanent turn for the worse. And it will happen. It's been a good learning experience for them. Too bad they took it all out on me as usual *sigh*

(((((((((((inny)))))))))))))

Hugs
J

You are one tough and sweet lady.... and you and your girls will be in my prayers.... (freewill)

Thank you dear (((((((((((freewill))))))))))) We can use all the prayers we can get!

Hugsssssss
J

Remember that we take out our frustrations on those closest to us because we know they will love us no matter what

Radar

Yes under...you are so right! Thanks for that reminder!



Hugssssss
J