Is it possible to be addicted to being a bully or putting people down?

My mother was an incredible bully, constantly putting certain (not all) people down. I don't think she would fit the mold of a narcissist because they believe they are better than everyone already. Rather, she had a need to be better. Consequently she would put people down - usually targeting those already weak in self esteem - to make her feel better for her own inadequacies. I am convinced she was addicted to doing this; that it gave her some sort of high to make herself feel better at the cost of others. I'm certain she enjoyed this.

Anyone else's thoughts?

[Mygrandjourney]

Originally Posted by rcat

Is it possible to be addicted to being a bully or putting people down?

My mother was an incredible bully, constantly putting certain (not all) people down. I don't think she would fit the mold of a narcissist because they believe they are better than everyone already. Rather, she had a need to be better. Consequently she would put people down - usually targeting those already weak in self esteem - to make her feel better for her own inadequacies. I am convinced she was addicted to doing this; that it gave her some sort of high to make herself feel better at the cost of others. I'm certain she enjoyed this.

Anyone else's thoughts?

IT might look like an addiction, but it's probably something else. You refer to her in the past tense; is she still with us?

[vonmoxie]

I think anything can be an addiction, or can have addictive aspects; any behavior that jazzes our neural activity in ways we find irresistible could potentially be addictive.

That said, there's certainly plenty of differential where types of addiction are concerned; for instance a behavior addiction is going to be very different in nature than a narcotic substance addiction. But that doesn't take away from the fact that there can be addictive properties to a behavior that affect us without our even knowing sometimes.

I think there's a ton of people who are addicted to ego-strokes, however they may prefer to get them. It's sad that anyone feels they have to put others down to make themselves feel bigger, but I would imagine that it's a very difficult habit to break. Especially in cases where no significant incentive to do so has been perceived. Just my opinion.

[starfruit504]

Originally Posted by rcat

Is it possible to be addicted to being a bully or putting people down?

I don't think she would fit the mold of a narcissist because they believe they are better than everyone already. Rather, she had a need to be better. Consequently she would put people down - usually targeting those already weak in self esteem - to make her feel better for her own inadequacies.

That actually fits the mold of a narcissist completely. They aren't secure. They keep themselves very busy putting down others to pull themselves up.

Helpful refs: https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog...re-narcissists, https://www.psychologytoday.com/cond...ality-disorder, Narcissism or High Self-Esteem? What Is Narcissistic Personality Disorder?

[Mid-Life-Larry]

rcat, the behavior you've described is exactly how my mother-in-law behaves. It's upsetting, unsettling and constant!!! -- luckily, I only see her for a few weeks a year (and it's coming up real quick, holidays). It's effected my wife drastically, but she doesn't see it, is blind to it and refuses to admit any fault in her mom's behavior. I've been the subject of attacks and have been accused of "being too sensitive, too nice." -- it's very nauseating to me.

To make matters worse dear M.I.L is heavily involved in her church and volunteers every chance she gets (then turns around and talks badly about all those she 'helps'). EVERYONE thinks she is a wonderful giving person -- I have reminder her how unChristian-like her behavior is, but it's usually ignored or laughed off, ... "now let us pray".

I don't look forward to the next few weeks......

Sounds like my sister.

[Fuzzybear]

She sounds much like the step ....
This woman also plays "lady bountiful" at her church

[unaluna]

Omg, totally my mom (r.i.p.) and my brother. The problem is, its also possible to "inherit" the trait when its all you hear.

[alieninshadows]

It's possible that it could be ingrained into someone to be negative towards others or focus on negative things.
My mom is a bit of a narcissist. She would always try to get me to fit this standard mode of appearance and conduct so I wouldn't embarrass her. If I did something wrong, or make a mistake, even with homework, she had a way of making me feel stupid. Then she tends to compare me to others. Sometimes it's snearing at someone else she thinks looks sloppy or has a voice that sounds unpleasant to her. I often wonder if she would get me de-voiced if I spoke with a raspy or "annoying" voice.
I tend to focus negatively on things, but I'm aware of it and try not to do that. But nonetheless, I'm drawn to darkness and negative aspects. I think this is natural as villains and the bad news always peaks the interest of people, in general. That's why the news mainly has bad news in it and why people are more quick to take notice when kids are misbehaving. I personally think it's a natural human inclination rather than an addiction.

[avlady]

i think the natural human inclinaion rather than addiction posted by alien sounds pertanent here. maybe she is narcissant, but there may be an ingrained element to it.