I abuse alcohol and am very afraid

Today I admitted out loud to myself that I abuse alcohol and that scares me. It starts out where I pick myself up a bottle of wine to have with dinner. I drink the whole bottle and want more, so I get into my hubby's hard liquor and drink to oblivion where I black out and don't remember a thing. Has been like this for a few years now, its getting worse my hangover is not a headache like it used to be, now its extreme anxiety, pounding racing heart, I can't relax as soon as I try to rest my body won't let me. I dont need to drink, I just lose control when I do. There is alcoholism in my family my younger brother died of Cirrosis of the liver 5 years ago. I drink maybe once or twice a week and when I do I make a fool of myself and I drink alone. I can drink socially sometimes but then that evil addiction comes where I want to drink and get drunk. That what scares me. Its the fact of not being able to control that feeling, it's like there's an evil twin that takes over and I can't stop it. I feel like I am not in control and that's what scares me. I just needed to get those words of my chest and am ashamed that I have a dirty secret. I am a mom, wife and run my own business, own my house, kids have there health. So why do I want to destroy what I have....it's getting worse

Hi Valfor,

Congratulations on admitting you have a problem with alcohol. That's the first step in solving the problem.

If you think treatment would help you break the habit, talk to your GP, and be totally honest with them about how much you're drinking, and ask for a referral to a rehab.

Mutual support groups can also be very beneficial in helping people stop. There's AA which is pretty much everywhere. I usually tell people to try 5 different meetings before deciding if AA is right for them or not as each group has a slightly different dynamic.

If AA isn't your thing, I highly recommend Women for Sobriety. The downside is there aren't a lot of real life meetings, but they have a fabulous support board, and the program is specifically designed to be done on your own without support meetings - the meetings are a huge bonus. Google them.

There's also secular organization for sobriety and SMART recovery. Again not as many meetings, but their philosophies are good.

I hope you reach out and get some support for quitting drinking.

splitimage

Split image thank you and I can so relate to the things you have said in your blog. My recovery has also been an adventure and continues to be. It feels good to read about what one has been through, it makes not so alone.

I was very disappointed in my self because All my Yoga and mindfulness practice along with CBT and meds when I needed them. I felt I should no better but alcoholism is a disease and am going to have relapses and as long as I don't give up on myself I'll be ok. See how positiveness works. Thanks again for reminding me that I'm not alone and I can get through this ��

Wonderful! Now get to meetings and get a lot of phone numbers... and stay connected with others outside of meetings... use the phone as your life line and you will be glad that you did... tc

SPLIT IMAGE hi so I called AA an they told me to attend a meeting and they will hook me up with a buddy that will met me and we can go togeather in my area. So again I know I must put my pride aside. Because of my job I know a lot of people so what hppens when and if I meet people I know. How do you get through the embarresment, I know its stupid but the ugly addiction says no! People will know than. Is that ol school or what! How do you get through that. As you can see my anxiety is taking over :

And you would see them at a meeting because......? If they're at the same meeting as you then they may have a desire to stop drinking also. It's amazing who you'll see sometimes in meetings but you are usually there for the same reason. There's a bond among people who attend meetings, even if you've never laid eyes on them ever in your life, there's a connection. Decide what is more important, your perceived embarrassment for being seen at a meeting or as you put it, "I make a fool of myself..." when drinking.

Notz is right. People you see at meetings are there for the same reason you are - and they have every much as much interest in maintaining their anonymity as you do. I attended AA regularly for 5 years and never had my anonymity broken.

I know it's really scary, but AA is a safe place.

Good luck.

splitimage

Congrats on admitting you have a problem! And it's good that it scares you and that you know the seriousness of it. You're like me, a binge drinker. And that binge drinking can easily become an everyday thing. And that anxiety and pounding heart you wake up to is the effects of withdraw. And the symptoms only get worst! I actually fell off the wagon after a year sober in a moment of weekness yesterday but I woke up today, felt that heart racing and head pounding and said "nope not again, slow down wagon I'm jumping back on!" Point is, if at first you don't succeed, never stop trying. Pull out all the guns and do whatever you need. Therapy, AA, rehab. I too would black out every night. I remember one of the last nights I drank, I didn't even remember going out to dinner...at 5pm! I was blacking out on a nightly basis. And no I'm not high and mighty, I've gotten sober and went back to self medicating with alcohol a number of times. Only thing keeping me on track now is that I'm older, wiser, back on my meds, and I have my bf and step kids around. I would never want them to see me like I was. So it takes willpower and support. Have you talked to your hubby about this? Support is important whether it's from family, or a friend from AA. I know I couldn't of done it alone! Good luck we're all rooting for you

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Well done on admitting it, that is half the battle. I've been a binge drinker (and much more) for a number of years. Recently completed a stint in rehab and all going well so far. I understand exactly how you feel - that was me a couple of months ago.

I have talked to husband about it, we have fought over the years on my abuse of alcohol. He tells me he supports me but he is also an enabler, he drinks as well but he doesn't abuse it like I do. If I want to spend time with him its always doing stuff he wants. I would love to go see a movie but instead he wants to watch hockey and of course have a drink so I start with him and have a drink, he's off to bed and I continue. Its a tough struggle and he thinks if you want to quit, quit! that I have to learn to live with people who drink because that's what they do and that I have to have self control. I understand but at the same time it's very hard and that's why they call it an addiction!! I'm not blaming him for my drinking but he knows I have a problem and having alcohol around tempts me. I feel like such a weak person but thank you I appreciate the advice, it helps talking about it