2nd offense but not addicted?

My SS22 was arrested for the 2nd time for possession. The first one was in VA and this one is about 4 years later in TX. Both times, he was in his car smoking and got pulled over.

He and his GF were both telling us they had stopped smoking pot.

I suggested maybe he needs to go to rehab and both his mother and my husband have said, no, he isn't "addicted". So, 2 drug related offenses, and lying about using, but he isn't addicted.

Are you out of the loop, financially, etc? How do the discussions between you and your husband go when this comes up?
You might want to come up with some sort of agreement with your husband to protect yourself, both emotionally and financially, should your stepson continue drinking/using/driving, etc. It can get very expensive for families unless they set limits.

Tough Love is letting them go to jail or rehab and take responsibility for their actions. That is the only way we do learn (((hugs)))

Without intonation, it is difficult to be sure, but this comes across as if you are scoffing rather than asking. If this is the case, and your mind is made up, then please disregard this. If you are asking however...

Two drug related offenses does not an addict make - any more than zero drug related offenses mean that someone doesn't have a problem with drugs. It could simply be that he enjoys smoking pot - thinks that the laws against marijuana are unfair and arbitrary (i.e. legal on this side of an imaginary line between states - and illegal on the other side), and has little respect for authority.

As for the lying...well, I've told my doctor that I've quit smoking cigarettes in spite of the fact that I haven't simply because I am tired of listening to him telling me I should quit. It is my choice to smoke and the cost is already high enough without tacking on a speech every two weeks to the cost.

Ok, Point well taken! LOL!

When DH and I discuss, he says it isn't his problem, SS22 is and adult and its his problem. He says I worry too much.

We agree that he gets no money from us. We did not and will not bail him out, pay his fines, etc. So I don't worry about it financially. I am just so heartsick with disappointment because I thought he was getting his act together. He is barely making it financially as it is, his mother pays a large amount of his expenses each month, his GF who hasn't worked for the 2 yrs they have lived together just got a job 3 days ago. And now this, in TX he will automatically lose his license for 6 mths, and the most important thing in his life is his car and driving, so that is going to throw him for a loop. I don't know how it works, his first offense was in VA and this one in TX so I don't know if this charge will be a 1st or 2nd, but if he has to do any jail time, he loses his job. Then what? I am just very worried about him.

I think we all realize that it is difficult to see someone you care for struggle, but as has been said, most addicts, especially younger ones, don't learn from what we tell them, but from experiencing the consequences of their actions first hand. Family members should all be on the same page as it appears his mom is enabling by covering his expenses ,etc, so he has a cushion. I've talked with addicts who have had to ride the bus or train and every day they do so, they are reminded that actions have consequences and they appreciate the privilege of being able to drive that much more and perhaps will take steps to preserve it. If he is an adult and is treated as such, yes he will be unhappy about not being able to drive, but once he gets through it, he might think twice before getting behind the wheel with alcohol or drugs on board. I think currently, you can't escape DUI charges across states as there is a national database. It is a serious public safety issue. Just remind him in a compassionate way that if he follows the conditions of his suspension, he will be able to drive again and find a non judgmental way to connect the behavior with the consequences.

I agree with those that said the number of offenses doesn't base weather or not he has an addiction. Having a second offense may mean he should stop driving around with pot on him. And in my case and number of "bad habbits", I have no offenses yet I was a full blown addict. Call it luck, or maybe I have yet to have my day. But whatever happens to me I'll know that I've put myself there. Your SS just needs to man up and face these legal actions. Maybe they'll let me off easier if he offers to go to rehab. And who knows, maybe he does have an underlying addiction and pot is just the tip of the iceberg. And of course they're going to tell you they've stopped smoking. Just like I'm not going to tell my dad I fell off the wagon last night. So don't be too surprised there.

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

I'm guessing he will have a record for lifetime and or go to jail for a few months but definitely will be paying some $$$ for the courts. It really depends on drug the amount, the state, the judge

Sent from my SM-G920I using Tapatalk