[splitimage]

I'm feeling really bad, both emotionally and physically. I relapsed yesterday, and drank a bottle of whiskey.

Was sick as a dog all night and still feel really awful this morning.

I hate that I keep doing this to myself.

Ok -so starting over.

splitimage

[unaluna]

Yeah the physically sick part is getting to be a big deterrent, the older i get. Im not getting emotionally smarter or stronger, its more like, oooh no - thats gonna make me queasy or dizzy or out of breath or sleepy, and im getting to be a real wuss!

[Sabrina]

Such a struggle. My thoughts are with you splitimage.

[Misssy2]

Originally Posted by splitimage

I'm feeling really bad, both emotionally and physically. I relapsed yesterday, and drank a bottle of whiskey.

Was sick as a dog all night and still feel really awful this morning.

I hate that I keep doing this to myself.

Ok -so starting over.

splitimage

I did this last week....and when I saw your post today I asked myself WHY..when we know we are going to feel HORRIBLE..with emotion and physical...do we KEEP doing it?

Because, when I am doing it...I feel a reprieve from every problem, every ache and pain...everything there is...and that is why I do it.

My fear is always...will I carry on for ever or 28 days...or till I die?

I never can just drink 1 day...its always 2..and usually if I go by 2...it takes a hospital visit to bring me back to life..since I don't eat....when I drink. I went 28 days last time and drank vodka for 28 days.

I hope you are feeling better today and not drinking. And want you to understand...that someone else understands.

[Misssy2]

Originally Posted by splitimage

I'm feeling really bad, both emotionally and physically. I relapsed yesterday, and drank a bottle of whiskey.

Was sick as a dog all night and still feel really awful this morning.

I hate that I keep doing this to myself.

Ok -so starting over.

splitimage

I did look at your blog..you have been holding it up for a very long time, since 2011...this shows how strong and committed you are to yourself and some level of sobriety (comfortable or uncomfortable).

ps. you haven't written since Feb. and one of the main things I liked about your blog was no matter what was going on...you managed to write monthly. I also read you struggle with not only addiction but weight control. Life s*cks sometimes...just does. Hang in there...and stay strong.

Split image the beauty of it is you said yourself... you blew it yet you are starting over...
that is half the battle, the other half is putting the cork in the bottle and leaving it there...blessings and tc

Just checked out your blog. You write well. We have some things in common, except I'm managing to work and am kidding myself it's all OK. I don't want to think about reality too often. I admire some of the things you've done, like go with the emotional flow. No way I'd do that unless I've had a few. Gin is mine. Whiskey gives me a headache and vodka makes me sick fast. It used to be beer, wine or cider but the ABV wasn't high enough. It would is so hard. I hope you are feeling better.

[Refuse2Sink]

I relapsed this weekend while on vacation to visit my Dad. Screwed up royally. I had 9 months clean. We just have to pick up the pieces and strive to work harder at our sobriety. I feel extremely depressed too.

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[emgreen]

It depends on what time you woke up, but we only have control of the 24 hours ahead of us. We may not feel like drinking, but I have to remember it's a daily reprieve. I sure messed up my life when I was drinking heavily.

[ComfortablyNumb5]

I drank all last week after the biggest fight between my bf and I. Cops were called. I drank the entire week after and I feel like such filth. We can do this one step at a time. Sleep it off and I'll meet you at the wagon to get back up.

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[splitimage]

Thanks for the support everyone. I'm sorry that so many of us have shared the relapse experience.

I'm on day 9 sober today, and am just grateful that I didn't do more damage to myself when I did drink.

Taking it one day at a time.

splitimage

Sending you hugs.

[splitimage]

Thanks.

I'm really struggling today. I really want to drink. My body is screaming for alcohol and my mind just wants to numb out. I'm depressed, can't find a job to save my life, and am running out of money. Drinking won't change any of that, but it will let me forget for a day at least.

Drinking has seriously messed up my life, yet I keep going back to it.

I feel like such a loser.

splitimage

[notz]

Drinking today won't help tomorrow. Double down your efforts and don't drink! It never helps you, it always hurts you. Maybe you will have to accept some other kind of job. Just don't Splitimage, please, you need you right now more than you need this demon that's slowly killing you!

[Pixies]

You only ever fail, when you give up. Starting over is always a great sign, it means you're strong and will not give up the fight. Keep on going, one day at a time, you've got this.

[splitimage]

Thanks Notz and Pixies,

But I gave in and went on a pretty bad 3 day binge and then spent the last 18 hours throwing up everything I tried to put in my stomach. I'm finally managing to keep stuff down now.

Ok - so now to get back on the wagon, so today is day 1.

splitimage

[Refuse2Sink]

I've been clean for about three weeks again, since my relapse after 9 months clean I am proud of myself for not doing what I always used to do-spiraling out of control and going on a binge. We can definitely screw up but the important thing is to learn from it and try our damndest not to do it again. Hope things are going better for you now...are you doing any better since your last post?

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[splitimage]

Thanks for asking Refuse2Sink,

I'm still struggling. I haven't binged, but I am still drinking - a couple of pints of beer at lunch a couple of times a week. I know I shouldn't but I'm just not ready to stop.

I'm waiting to hear about getting into a rehab.

splitimage

[Moogieotter]

Hang in there. It's worth the struggle. Getting off of drugs and alcohol has been the best thing I ever did for myself and my family. You can do it.

moogs