[songofthesea]

Hello all,

I had a break up at the beginning of the year, and because I still miss him I've been sporadically checking up on my ex online. I've been blaming myself for the relationship failure until today, when I found out that he considers himself to have a love addiction – a fear or concern which he didn't share with me. So I've been trying to understand it. It seems it's the process of falling in love that's important, followed by an inability to actually sustain a relationship. Can anyone help me understand this further? Obviously I'm still living in the past and this isn't helpful to dwell on, but curious how you might understand it and its impact on your life and relationships...

[Pikku Myy]

Nah.... sounds like an excuse to me for lack of love from his part. Curious what other members comment hope you feel better soon.

[treevoice]

I think some people get addicted to the thrill of "New Relationship Energy". That giddy, over-the-moon, crush-y feeling. I think to call that a "love addiction" is a bit of a stretch, but it's just like anything else that releases feel-good feelings--some people just can't get enough of it (dopamine!). In my humble opinion, people like that can have a healthy life by seeking a lifestyle that compliments their needs; ie, consensual non-monogamous relationships. Polyamory is a legitimate alternative lifestyle for people who do not do well with monogamous love. Being honest and communicative and dating people who are open and understanding of that lifestyle isn't inherently bad, but hiding that reality about yourself till after the damage has been done and leaving a trail of broken hearts in your wake *is* bad. I hope you are able to find some clarity on what really happened. In any case, you shouldn't blame yourself. Even if you were the problem, you weren't the problem. Your incompatibility doesn't require blame. Best of luck navigating these murky waters! <3

Originally Posted by treevoice

I think some people get addicted to the thrill of "New Relationship Energy". That giddy, over-the-moon, crush-y feeling. I think to call that a "love addiction" is a bit of a stretch, but it's just like anything else that releases feel-good feelings--some people just can't get enough of it (dopamine!). In my humble opinion, people like that can have a healthy life by seeking a lifestyle that compliments their needs; ie, consensual non-monogamous relationships. Polyamory is a legitimate alternative lifestyle for people who do not do well with monogamous love. Being honest and communicative and dating people who are open and understanding of that lifestyle isn't inherently bad, but hiding that reality about yourself till after the damage has been done and leaving a trail of broken hearts in your wake *is* bad. I hope you are able to find some clarity on what really happened. In any case, you shouldn't blame yourself. Even if you were the problem, you weren't the problem. Your incompatibility doesn't require blame. Best of luck navigating these murky waters! <3

I agree. People get addicted to the feeling of falling in love. As soon as that feeling has passed they want to move on. As you said that falling in love releases dopamine - the same chemical that is released by the brain when using certain drugs. That is why you can get addicted to it. And I know that it is sometimes referred to as love addiction. There is a 12 step program for love addicts - Love addicts anonymous. Love Addicts Anonymous I know because I am addicted to a person.

[ComfortablyNumb5]

Oh yes I've been addicted to a man or the idea of love since i was old enough to date. I blame my BPD though. I once read a book called "addicted to love" that helped a lot. There's a few books with that title but if you want me to find the right one and give you the authors name, I have no problem with that.

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