[Raynaadi]

I've been knee deep in resentment for about 2 weeks now and my sponsor is a teacher so our regular meeting time was messed up. Instead of calling her and going over the inventories, I saved them all until we could meet today. (Something I will try not to do in the past lol)

I'm not going to go into the resentments, but basically it came down to me getting resentments due to my judgements. That was the pattern I saw on my own, and then my sponsor added that I was being intolerant. So basically I was being intolerant because of judgement, which led to anger and resentment and we know where that leads us. I could have gotten dangerously close to a drink. Thankfully, I didn't.

She said that my intolerance might come from the fact that I've gotten so comfortable with my sobriety. I've fallen into a rut. Going to the same meeting place at the same time every day, not varying my meetings, not hearing different people speak, and getting so comfortable with my own program and in my sobriety (which is totally true and not a bad thing; I've been extra diligent about my step work) that I was becoming intolerant of others, both in and out of the rooms. WoW. She hit the nail on the head.

Then I got to my meeting and the topics were "principles before personalities" and "using the tools of the program to deal with judgement" WoW again.

I was floored. If there was any such thing as the perfect AA meeting for me, that was it. I couldn't believe it.

Then my best friend shares...and she says she's going out of her mind. She starts crying and says she can't even share on the topic, just that something major went down right before the meeting and she knew she had to get to a meeting because she knew it was the only thing that would keep her from drinking. When she cries, I cry and I have to run to her, so as soon as she was done sharing I went and sat by her and then we talked for awhile after the meeting. She left to home and call her sponsor and I went to BF's.

We got food and just sat down to eat when my other good friend calls from Vermont. She's there for 9 days on an amends trip. She had an inventory to read and couldn't reach her sponsor. So she called me and we talked through it. She said that one of the amends got put off until tomorrow by the other party, and she was glad because she didn't want to go into an amends while she had this resentment because she couldn't be of service.

I was like ding ding ding! Wow! I clear up my resentments this afternoon, help my friend after the meeting, help my other friend on the phone later, AND this newcomer girl asked me to sponsor her. All these service opportunities pop up after I talk over these resentments, notice my patterns.

My friend here just called to let me know things are ok with her for now...she's facing some tuff stuff but I get to be there for her now.....

Why am I posting this? Because today was a huge turning point in my recovery. I wasn't being complacent, but I was getting comfortable. I was being judgemental and intolerant because of that, and I thought I could put off sharing my inventory with my sponsor.

This third year so far has taught me so much about myself. The first year was learning how to get sober. The second year was learning to live sober. And now this third year (well the 3 months into it haha) so far is learning how to grow....

I'm just still amazed on this strange road to recovery. I wish I could claim the following as my own, but I got it from my friend's myspace: "The less I know, the more I grow."

Soooo true.

[sabby]

Don't you just love it when a plan comes together???

((((((((((((((((((((((( Rayna )))))))))))))))))))))))

You were in need of an "attitude adjustment" and low and behold...you got it! Like I always say, "We always get what we need"!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


sabby

[tranquility]

That's fabulous! It seems like when we are ready for a message we get it!

I'm sober 3 years 6 months and I always say that I learn slow, but once I get something it just comes and hits me like a ton of bricks.

Good for you and I'm glad you saw the lesson in it!

Tranq

[shadowalker164]

Nothing puts me further from that next drink than working with someone else.

Ray, I will bet money, that while you were listening to your upset friend, giving freely, something of yourself, for just that hour you were not thinking about your own inventory.

I tell my guys, “I ain’t much, but I am just about the only thing I ever think about.” But sometimes, when the need is clear, I get out of myself and think about someone else. And it feels good.

I have a friend who has been sober over 20 years and he tells me he is just scratching the surface of this program. We have much to look forward to.

Richard

[Raynaadi]

Definitely much to look forward to, not only in ourselves, but everyone around us. I definitely wouldn't be happy without the fellowship.

I'm just glad the curve ball that got thrown to me was a good curve ball lol.

[splitimage]

Rayna,

It's great that you were able to help so many people. It's awesome how the program works.

--splitimage

[undertheradar]

Hi {{{{{{{{Ray}}}}}}}}!!

For me, resentments are un-met (is that a word?) expectations. So expectations, not judgements are the cause of my resentments. And yes, it seems that a newcomer comes into my life just when I need it. You are an inspiration to me and others.

Love,
Radar

[Raynaadi]

Yes I can definitely get resentments from expectations as well. Most resentments boil down to fear, and fear to me stands for false expectations appearing real. So I do the inventory and then fear becomes face everything and recover, so I don't ***** everything and run.