Negativity and the turmoil it brings

I have a huge problem, one that has haunted me since I was very young. It seems separate from my diagnosed Anxiety and Bipolar problems and is apparent in my Father and Grandfather. I feel like the most negative person on the planet. Scowling negative over every aspect of life. Jokingly negative even when I’m not really complaining or being negative. I can’t go one hour without saying something negative. This problem is obviously is effecting my marriage and my children. It also affects everyone around me including co-workers, friends and other family. Is there anyone else on this board that is just completely negative? I cant classify this being depression, it doesn’t “feel” like depression. And in times of not really being down I will still continue the negativity. It feels like a bad habit, so hard to break and deal with its eating me alive. The only salvation I have at the moment is I know about it and see what it’s doing to my loved ones. So everyday I now talk myself out of being negative and try to turn everything around. I think trying to help others feel better on these boards has helped some. And seeing how much it’s hurting my family has been a huge wake up call. Sorry if this is more of a ramble post, I guess I’m just throwing it out there to see if others are dealing with the same issue and how the get through the day without being a dark cloud.

And I am going to start seeing a Psychologist on this very topic alone, to maybe get some insight on how to control and change it. Like I said I don’t think its directly related to my disorders, it just feels different. And I see my Dad and Grandfather (who I both work with on a daily basis in our family company) being the exact same way. I would say its biological but I’m adopted so it has to be a learned behavior.

Anyways theirs my ramble of the day, if anyone wants to throw out some input it would be appreciate. Otherwise have a good Thursday!

I often appear negative (use to be worse) and it puzzled me because I rarely feel negative. It turns out I'm not really "negative" I'm just very good at and keyed into finding what is wrong in a situation so it can be fixed! I think it's like the half empty/half full thing; if you ask my opinion on something I'll tell you what's wrong with it instead of what's right. But because I find things wrong doesn't mean I don't "like" the idea/situation, but other people can't know that since I'm only mentioning the one side. I'm actually very "balanced" and can see both sides of a situation but since one doesn't have to "fix" a good thing, I concentrate on the stuff that I can work on.

Perhaps working with your Father and Grandfather is affecting you and making it natural to be negative because
it's all your hear? Do you have to continue working with them? If so, then it might help if you volunteered at a hospice, hospital, soup kitchen or habitat for humanity etc
to give you a perspective of gratitude. I'm in AA and going to
meetings helps me see the good in my life.
The great news is that you're aware of this problem and now you're working on it. Maybe you should have a glass
jar at home where your wilfe and children can point out each time you make a negative comment and you put a quarter in the jar. Then once every few months your family
uses the funds to do something special together or donate
it to an organization you all want to support.
I hope you continue your awareness and willingness to
change your negative ways...it's the key to your happiness
and mental health!
Annie

Another thing to consider is that most people in our society seem to have a tendency to complain much more than we use praise. Seeing the good and saying something about it is a practice to cultivate. Remember how parents sometimes tell kids that if you say something not very nice, now you have to say three things that are nice to make up for it? That's actually not a bad idea for adults to practice too. You could even make it five nice things, or seven.

IMO, you can't just stop being negative. You have to replace it with something, like being positive. We all need more praise and compliments. Why not let it start with you?

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Perna said:
I often appear negative (use to be worse) and it puzzled me because I rarely feel negative. It turns out I'm not really "negative" I'm just very good at and keyed into finding what is wrong in a situation so it can be fixed! I think it's like the half empty/half full thing; if you ask my opinion on something I'll tell you what's wrong with it instead of what's right. But because I find things wrong doesn't mean I don't "like" the idea/situation, but other people can't know that since I'm only mentioning the one side. I'm actually very "balanced" and can see both sides of a situation but since one doesn't have to "fix" a good thing, I concentrate
on the stuff that I can work on.

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Perna, very good I'd never looked at like that.....next time someone says to be "cheer" up I shall reply "The cheery side of me is fine, its the not so cheery side of me today that I am carrying with me lol"

I do different stuff with the "cheery" angle. I don't like being told to smile more, etc. either but I don't get annoyed at the other person anymore, I get alarmed because usually I don't know that I'm not smiling "as much" as I usually do apparently. If people notice and comment, I figure I must have slipped to being even more unhappy-seeming than I was before when they saw me last? I start paying more attention and if enough people say it over a couple days/week's time, I start working on it, seriously start looking for "fun" (seriously/fun? :-) and something to lift my mood.

But I make sure I get a wide range of "you are so negative" or "you should smile more," etc. whatever comment it is, from different people and not just certain people who have been telling me it all my life. If I have people who have been telling me all my life, I might hone in on frequency, if they've started telling me more often recently and try to adapt my behavior some.

I actually find it fun/helpful to pick on one incident that I got a negative comment about and see what I can do. My husband use to consistently get upset because when we got home from a car trip or arrived at another destination I'd unbuckle my seatbelt and the combination of me and the car not being designed well :-) when I let go of the seat belt it would retract the shoulder side too hard and smack against the window! He didn't like that for some reason so I made a decision and trained myself to keep hold of the shoulder portion and guide it up enough (to shoulder height) so it wouldn't smack against the window anymore. He didn't notice (or did but didn't comment) but I was really really proud of myself! I made sure to tell him how wonderful I was all for him :-) But it did feel good, working on a little, very specific incident and being able to make a difference.

I had a hard time when I was younger maintaining stuff like that (I'd pick a too hard project for my level at the time) but I use to occasionally do little things for my stepmother, get up early and unload the dishwasher several mornings in a row when she was expecting me to sleep in/be late/useless and was rewarded on the third day by her pleased comment. Of course I went back to my old ways, I was a teenager so needed my sleep and was a bit too self-involved yet but there are lots of things that are "easy" and it's interesting to work on remembering to do them. One simple thing is to pretend :-) you're listening to someone's negative comments about you and then thank them for their comments! That gets points :-) You don't even have to change, it just shows you're listening to their point of view. I'm a master of offering to help when I'm pretty sure the offer will be declined! You get the brownie points and the excitement of not quite knowing if you will be doing something you don't really want to do (but are willing to if you get tagged). Overall you appear "helpful" (or, worse case scenario, "pleasant"/polite) even if you rarely are.

You are not alone. I am King Negative. Almost everything is negative...the jokes, the job, my criticism of others and myself...all negative. And as far as memory goes, I most often remember negative things, not positive.

I hope your session(s) with the psychologist went well.

I'm glad you are going to see a psychologist for this. Negativity is a symtom of something else. Possibly the depression and/or the anxiety.

I am also very negative. It is something I don't like either but it is one of those things I feel 'stuck' on.

Good for you for deciding to do something about it! THAT is a positive thing!!

ECHOES

It sounds like a bit of a "bad habit"? Maybe you can make a "game" out of it and pay your children (if they're old enough) a quarter everytime they catch you saying something negative and also "correct" the negative immediately with a positive? My stepmother made my brother pay a quarter everytime he forgot to put his napkin in his lap at dinner . . .Or, kiss your wife everytime she catches you :-) If you do something "fun" like that it will take away some of your negative feeling for yourself. I find laughter or fun a good helper. Treat it like a video game where you're shooting at the negative comments. Eventually you'll get to seeing them "faster" so you can stop them before they come out of your mouth and/or start thinking other, more positive thoughts instead.