[ComfortablyNumb5]

So my bf works 3rd shift so I'm always home alone all night to early morning. Well lately I've been drinking almost every night. And I black out and look at my phone the next day, horrified. He doesn't like to leave me money when he goes to work because of my substance abuse. But I've been wanting to drink so bad lately that I take bottles back and use change. Then I hide the cans in the trash. I feel about out of control at this point. But I'm just hiding it. I haven't told anyone because I'm embarrassed. I'm mostly embarrassed over the crap I do when I black out. I was acting so terrible the other night that my bf had to stay at his moms. When he told me the things I was saying I was horrified. Then my friend on fb said I said some horrible things to him that night. He hasn't talked to me since. I need to stop this.

[splitimage]

RxQueen,

I'm so sorry that you're struggling with drinking again. It's a horrible addiction to try and beat, and I know you've worked hard in the past to get off alcohol and drugs, so you can do it again.

I'm wondering if some face to face support IRL would help. it doesn't have to be AA, but that's the most convenient simply given the number of meetings they have, but there's also women for sobriety, secular organization for sobriety, and SMART recovery.

If you ever want to pm me for support, know that I'm around.

splitimage

[Misssy2]

rx..I know that once we re enter the cycle of drinking it is very hard to escape.
I too have slipped recently and still recovering from the one night I did drink.

I overindulged, puked my brains out and I still feel the effects from that terrible little binge.

Try to pull from the time when you had it under control and try to get back to that place.
You are not alone.

[jjlltt40]

Originally Posted by RxQueen875

So my bf works 3rd shift so I'm always home alone all night to early morning. Well lately I've been drinking almost every night. And I black out and look at my phone the next day, horrified. He doesn't like to leave me money when he goes to work because of my substance abuse. But I've been wanting to drink so bad lately that I take bottles back and use change. Then I hide the cans in the trash. I feel about out of control at this point. But I'm just hiding it. I haven't told anyone because I'm embarrassed. I'm mostly embarrassed over the crap I do when I black out. I was acting so terrible the other night that my bf had to stay at his moms. When he told me the things I was saying I was horrified. Then my friend on fb said I said some horrible things to him that night. He hasn't talked to me since. I need to stop this.

Hey I have been there , seriously even though 8 don't drink I got like that on opiate pain medication, people would tell me what I said and did next day, I been clean now 6 years but I understand what you are saying and I'm always available if want talk? JT

[ComfortablyNumb5]

Thanks everyone. I took a few days break and when I do drink I limit myself so I don't make an *** out of myself. Well last night I took it too far again and called my sister all kinds of nasty names. Not sure I regret that though lol

[madisgram]

Originally Posted by RxQueen875

So my bf works 3rd shift so I'm always home alone all night to early morning. Well lately I've been drinking almost every night. And I black out and look at my phone the next day, horrified. He doesn't like to leave me money when he goes to work because of my substance abuse. But I've been wanting to drink so bad lately that I take bottles back and use change. Then I hide the cans in the trash. I feel about out of control at this point. But I'm just hiding it. I haven't told anyone because I'm embarrassed. I'm mostly embarrassed over the crap I do when I black out. I was acting so terrible the other night that my bf had to stay at his moms. When he told me the things I was saying I was horrified. Then my friend on fb said I said some horrible things to him that night. He hasn't talked to me since. I need to stop this.

Yes u would benefit from stopping. Why? To get your life back.

[ComfortablyNumb5]

Yea my problem is being alone. I get dead dog bored here at home alone. I try to alter my feelings in any way. The last two nights I walked a mile to the store in 30 degree weather. Now that's determination. That's how bad I crave it.

[Misssy2]

rx I'm just confused...if your b/f works 3rd shift..aren't those hours you would be sleeping? Then you wouldn't be alone?

I'm alone all day because my b/f works 3rd shift...is that when you are walking to the store? During the day when he is sleeping? And then you are drunk while he is getting ready for work?

[ComfortablyNumb5]

Originally Posted by Misssy2

rx I'm just confused...if your b/f works 3rd shift..aren't those hours you would be sleeping? Then you wouldn't be alone?

I'm alone all day because my b/f works 3rd shift...is that when you are walking to the store? During the day when he is sleeping? And then you are drunk while he is getting ready for work?

No he goes to work from 4pm and gets home at 5am. Plus I go to bed late so I still have time to go to the store. But I'm sick of this. Sick of waking up every morning smelling like booze. I know he can tell. I'm getting myself in my same bad position I was in a few years ago. And the beer I drink is pretty strong so I'm pretty much blacking out nightly. This is very bad

[Moogieotter]

Hang in there Queenie. We're rooting for you.