[mortimcfly]

I've been struggling really hard lately with not relapsing.

I have been so stressed out since my last real relationship fell apart last year, and I was doing so well with not indulging in blow (I get withdrawl symptoms such as phantom drips and and cravings when I am stressed out); had been clean for about a year and a half.

I guess I should say I started experimenting with it when I was 18, had just graduated high school. I had only ever smoked pot prior but after having some drinks one night with some friends I tried it. It had replaced my addiction to self harming, basically just swapped one for the other.
I wasn't an addict until about a year later, I moved provinces and started making friends (which was a big deal to me) and was working in a bar. Next thing I know it was just so readily available (where I lived, pot was expensive and hard to find) and everyone did it while partying. I ended up having to move home over a year later with my boyfriend at the time, as we were unable to keep up with bills, or even feed ourselves, as all our money was going to that next ball.

Anyways.

I was clean for so long and then I relapsed. It wasn't full blown - it was a functioning relapse, but every time I did it, I would be so depressed and spend all day the next day crying and hating myself for relapsing. I think I have dipped into it about 6 times in the past year. I have been so angry at myself.

More or less just venting, I have some ways to cope with the withdrawls and cravings but mostly find just isolating myself from anywhere that it may pop up in is most efficient, but hard. The last guy I was seeing was bad for buying it - knowing my history with it - when we would be drinking, and then offering me it, when I can't say no.

Anyone else here struggling with that dastardly drug?? I love it, but hate it so much. I'm here if anyone needs to vent as well! I know it can be difficult trying to recover - it pains me that I don't even have family to turn to as I could never bear to let my mother know, I kept it a secret to keep from breaking her heart.

Much love and thank you

[Introvrtd1]

no drugs but alcohol....im sorry you're having a rough go with that mortim....i hope you can find relief....

hopefully u can seek relief in therapy or home remedies such as turmeric (tea), or ginger....vitamins and minerals to replace you're body's potassium and magnesium.

sugar slowed down my recovery, and its the one thing that i still stuggle with besides the occasional cravings.

stay positive, and keep up the abstinence....it gets better.

Hang in there......

[mortimcfly]

Thank you muchly!!

I hope the road to recovery is going well for you!

I am trying lots of at home remedies and distraction methods. Sugar I find is a huge craving turn on for me, found out it lights up the same area of the brain as blow, so it makes sense. Have done a large diet do-over and it seems to have helped somewhat

[Introvrtd1]

Originally Posted by mortimcfly

....... Sugar I find is a huge craving turn on for me, found out it lights up the same area of the brain as blow, so it makes sense......

yup...i know that feelin

[Misssy2]

Alcohol me too..but to me they are one in the same..addiction is addiction..powerful, baffling..sucking the life right out of you.

Just curious how long you were sober....wondering how old you are and how much longer you will fight this battle...or if you will get the "gift" of sobriety...which I hope I have again..it feels like I do....and it feels to me like Intro...is doing well too.

6 times in the past year...is 6X too many...but honestly..it seems like you are "fighting" to be well...my b/f is addicted to cocaine in crack form....he had a good 30 days clean last month..but before that used everyday for 3 years in a row....and he is using again...I don't know how often cause he no longer lives with me.

I'm dissappointed we are in our 50's...but I understand addiction...I have addiction problems...and I hope you get the gift...

I don't know how to explain it..I'm trying...its weird..its like you FEEL relieved of a burden you know the relief you feel is you no longer crave your drug of choice....AND you feel super elated..but afraid at the same time that the feeling will go away. And the gift is you just tend to change..and they do call it the psychic change in the Big Book..and I am not an AA thumper or NA thumper but there is truth to having a psychic change (the changes in the way you think of things)...

I had that in 2005...and didn't drink for 8 years.

And then I drank again for the last 3 years...I think I have almost 60 days sober now...And about 20 days in I had a dream I was drinking...when I woke up I thought I had a hangover...and when I realized it was a dream...I was SO HAPPY...I jumped out of bed..thanked God over and over that it was a dream....got myself iced coffee and have had the "gift" since.