Daily addictions check in #[two]

I am still not having the short term urges but still having some of the images in my head. The cold the last few days makes me wish I was on a warm tropical island. The movie in my head has tiki bars and mai tais. It doesn't make me want to actually drink in real life; it just bugs me that I have so many images to shake. I didn't realize how often I thought of drinking as one of my primary leisure activities. When I would fall while snow skiing, my line was "My butt needs a barstool." I doubt I will ever ski again, so that one is easy to forget about.

Well I screwed up, went off my Antabuse and relapsed again. Ordered a bottle of vodka and drank it yesterday and this morning. As a result I feel like crap.

splitimage

Good morning friends
I’ve avoided this thread and being accountable for my 40 years of on and off binge drinking. Now I’m going to have to learn to love myself, or at least try a little compassion.
I’m scared but there is a small glimmer of hope. I feel thankful to have had this group, even if I never fully jumped in, you guys always gave me a boost of hope when I needed it most!!

splits - all you can do is keep hammering at the problem. At least you are not in denial and are actively trying to fix the problem.

sans - it starts with hope. Posting is a good step. Welcome!

So sans I have a question have you been reading this thread without us knowing?

Not everyone I know who used to post here were sober I mean to the point given it up completely.

Splitimage- party as long as you want till you make that decision to stop we will all be here for you or I mean we never left your side

Hi Greentires4me
I read a lot on the forums, and even if I don’t post my thoughts, I still feel it helps to know that we are not going through these struggles alone.
I’m not particularly sure if I read this thread before, but I always read messages posted in the addiction support section. I believe I’ve posted on occasions, but not on a regular basis.
At least not thinking of stopping drinking permanently until now.

Hi guys! Passed the 2 month mark yesterday! Been having really strong cravings and vivid dreams lately though :/ Almost stopped by a buddy's place for some clonny's on the way home

Hang tough and stay clean, Jess. Congrats on the 2 month mark!

Just woke up, it's 2:48 in the morning, I'm almost in tears because I just had a really bad using nightmare. I don't want to go back to sleep :/

I'm gonna learn some Queen Bee.

I SNEEZED ON THE BEAT AND THE BEAT GOT SICKA.

Jesslynn
Congrats to you on the 2 months and 2 days! Hope the dreams become easier to handle. Maybe it’s the subconscious mind doing some cleaning out work. Music is a great idea to get your mind off things!

Queen bee? Is rhyming rap words?

Beyonce, the queen herself! I suggest you listen to Formation and Yonce/Partition! Sick.

Thank you! 2 months snuck right up on me. And my girlfriend is right behind me, doing fantastic

Music is a great way to get out of your head and become someone else eh.

Took 45 minutes to get all dressed up and we ain't even gonna make it to this club! ha.

Music is good treatment, though sometimes it is depressing when I hear one of my favorite rock and roll songs on an oldies station. I do listen to new music also, but the ones I like best are grounded in old blues rock (like Kaleo).

give me missy elliot or Eminem, or 50 cent or Tupac....okay I am old school....

but I still listen to Green Day, Blink 182, Simple Plan, Marianas Trench, Offspring..

200 days!

Congrats Up! <3

UpdownAround congratulations!!

Congratulations UpDownAround. That's awesome.

Well I'm back. Been drinking heavily since Sun. Managed to stop today, so it's my Day 1. Taking it literally an hour at a time.

splitimage

Didn't get around to posting... hit 7 mos on Monday! Been sidelined with the flu this week, since Saturday pretty much... went to the doctor on Monday and got tested (the little swabby thing) and then started Tamiflu that night... feeling better, but still feel like a zombie...

Nice to know I am still chasing you, childofchaos. Congrats on 7 months!

Childofchaos
This flu season is bad. I didn’t get the shot. Hope you’re better soon! So great on the 7 months!!! Awesome!

Hi Splitimage
I’m really pulling for you on this struggle you’re going through. You have been extremely inspirational to me for a long time!
I’m on my 6th sober day, and many times during the day, I think that I’m not going to make it as a sober woman because alcohol has been my best friend, my medication, and the one thing I look forward to in life.
I’m nearly 200 lbs and my liver is not agreeing with my lifestyle. So I’m giving it my best go round, for the hundredth or more time.
This is the hardest thing I’ve ever tried to accomplish. I quit everything, but the one thing I always stayed with was drinking.
Let’s talk and coach each other.
Whatever it is that’s sending you back to drinking, can be conquered!
Xo
Sans

I get so tired and only take methylphenidate on special occasions. My mom dispenses one in the morning when I'm too tired. I have 2 left and just wanted to drink out of frustration so I did. Then I went to the bar a few nights later and drank just 3 beers and it helped a bit.

I should have better coping mechanisms but as far as I was concerned, I wasn't tired anymore and I haven't taken much of anything in 5 months or something. I just live in the middle of nowhere and was the only one at the bar so the guy gave me free chips. Just small things I like to appreciate.

The night before last night, I found some empty plastic wraps from like 5 months ago that had some crystals in it. I scraped them off with my card and crushed. I stayed awake for 24 hours. Then I went to sleep.

In the morning I took my antipsychotic injection which makes me more tired so I went back to sleep.

I can never erase those memories of wakefulness from my mind.