Daily addictions check in #[two]

Been clean from all mood-changing substances since January 17, 2018.

How is their cooking?
bizi

I have allergies really bad but unfortunately I bought something that I cannot consume due to my asthma hopefully my pharmacist has something I can take it’s raining today so not too bad!

So spring has sprung yesterday was really nice hot and warm but I just sounded like I could play kazoo through my nose.

I hope that I can stay awake today I have to leave for an appointment at 1pm to see my doctor.

I have to stay away from all the substances right now it makes me hallucinate badly!

Rum, Jack Daniels country cocktails and Percs. Great combination. I think once the stress of the dissolution after 31 years of marriage will change things.

167.9, an 18 pound weight loss in 4 months.
AF since valentines day. 37 days.
bizi

6 days clean. Not sure how long it's going to last honestly. It's been a really rough week. Relapsed in self harm, not proud of it, been fighting with my family and my girlfriend. A lot of triggers :/

Jess,
Sorry to hear it has been so rough; very glad you are still trying hard to break free.

Jess please don't hurt yourself.
(((((HUGS))))
come here and post I am on here frequently if you want to chat. Have you ever been tot he chat rooms here?
bizi

Way to go, bizi!!!

Keep up the good work!

I am going to weigh myself on next Thursday at mental health.

I feel like I done wrong I put my therapist in her place. See it all happened when I disassociated for 10mins while she was telling a stupid story about her professor being bipolar and she was relating it to me. I heard that bit and piece but everything else was non essential! She went on and on and wasted my time once again. We’re suppose to be talking about the assault that happened last year.

Jess, I'm really sorry that you are struggling. Please try not to self-harm. I know it feels like a solution in the moment, but long term, it just makes everything worse. And hold onto your sobriety, it's hard but you're doing great.

Bizi - way to go on the weight loss, and AF days.

I have IOP again today. I'm starting to get to know some of the women. I'll post a more thorough description today when I get home.

splitimage

yes split let us know how it is going!
((((HUGS))))
bizi

I have a hard time posting about myself unless I'm relating to someone else's situation. I've been a member of this group for years, and hardly ever started a thread. I think it's part of my illness. My lack of letting down the walls, for fear of judgement and criticism.
I'm going to start trying to be more open here.
I've been sober since early Jan, but I'm really not living. Just doing the day to day things to exist. On a brighter note, I am hoping that since Spring is here, I will become more active. I start a new job on Monday, and really feel good about making it work.
I also suffer from agoraphobia, so my world is getting smaller. I intend to improve this situation. I am in therapy, but I don't go very often. Thanks for being here.
Sans

Sans, good for you for taking the step to open yourself up a bit more. I know it can be hard and scary. Congratulations on the new job. I hope it goes well. Well done on the sobriety.

I am slightly agoraphobic myself, and have a really hard time forcing myself to leave my apartment. I'm working on it, but it's still hard.

splitimage

Thank you Splitimage
I appreciate your kind words. I really need some good lessons on speaking to people. I’m excited about your opportunity with the group. I hope it’s going well.
I’m signing up for a self defense class. Lol Maybe I will feel more safe in this world.
Sans

Thank you sans for sharing.
Good luck with your new job. Is it at home or do you have to go into an office? Is it full time?
I worry about your anxiety.
bizi

Hi guys,

Thought I'd post a quick update, now that I've had a few days of IOP.

I really like the program. The facilitators are good, and we cover a wide range of topics - learning about addiction, managing triggers, relapse prevention, managing emotions, and self esteem. It's a small group, there are only 6 of us.

What I don't like is the facility it's in. It's in what's called "The Adelaide Resource Centre for Women". Adelaide is the street it's on, and it's a social services hub, serving primarily homeless women. So most of the main floor is a drop in centre for homeless women, where they can also get showers, and do laundry. I don't want to sound classist but I really wish we were somewhere different. It's obvoius from the clientel that many of them are severly mentally ill, and should be in some kind of mental health care facility. There are a lot of women talking to themselves, or yelling, and just generally being disruptive. We can hear all the noise in our meeting room.

Breakfast and lunch are served by the city of Toronto, as part of their homelessness services. None of the other IOP participants eat lunch there, instead they go out to the many restaurants in the area. I can't afford to eat out 5 days a week, so I'm grateful for the service. The food's not great but it is filling, and there's always fresh fruit for desert. The guiding rule in the room seems to be don't make eye contact with anyone.

The IOP offers acupuncture several times a week, after the group ends for the day. They weren't able to offer it this week, since we weren't in their regular meeting room. However they offered us the option of having mini needles stuck in our ears, to wear over the weekend, and I decided to try it. So far I haven't felt anything particularly different, so I'll be interested to try the real acupuncture.

Location aside, I think it's going to be a good program.

splitimage

Hi Bizi
I’ll be working outside the home, in the cafeteria of a high school. It sounds pretty easy, cashiering and preparation of sandwiches. I definitely think this will help me get into a routine of getting out of the house. I have to learn techniques on dealing with my thoughts and feelings, or stressors because my usual behavior has been to work hard and then come home to self medicate with drinking.
I really haven’t worked since I’ve stopped drinking, except I’ve taken a job or two, only to turn them down eventually. I’m a nursing assistant but I cannot seem to do this job since my mom passed a year ago, and I was her caregiver most of 4 years. I’m sort of looking for my place to fit in again somewhere, until I move out west this summer.
I’m hoping that the sobriety I’ve maintained since Jan will give me the strength not to go back to my old habits. My plan is to remember the ugliest times of drinking as a deterrent.

Enjoy your Saturday!
Sans

I am wishing for you a good saturday as well sans.
((((HUGS)))))
bizi

Splitimage
I’m glad you’re liking the program! That’s a great sign for success. I also experience a homeless and severe mentally ill environment when I go to therapy. I’m bothered and scared because lots of angry outbursts and things I don’t understand are going on.
The acupuncture sounds interesting. I always wanted to try alternative healing methods.
Wishing you much success in this program!
Happy for you!

Good to hear the program has started, Splits.

Nice to hear you are trying to get out more, Sans.

Same old, same old with me. Tomorrow is 9 months.

Congratulations on 9 months UpDownandAround. That's awesome.

splitimage

T-minus 3 months for 1 year!!

Congrats Updownaround!!!!

9 months is serious business!

Thanks! I was just about to post that today makes 9 months!

Congratulations Up down and Around!
Does it get easier?
Sans

It has for me. I haven't had a strong urge in over 6 months. I get "longings" sometimes, when I think it would be nice to be able to enjoy a glass of wine watching the sun set someday, or have a couple of craft beers with some seafood down at the sound. Those are different than immediate cravings where you want to go get a big can of high test malt liquor from the store and guzzle it in secret. I had those at first.