Daily addictions check in #[two]

Congrats on the 2 + 5, greentires4me!

I guess you could say I abused clonazepam in the way that I got it from a dude who had it prescribed to him to help me come down off meth. Now I don't get it as a PRN lol...

A psychoactive drug acquired illegally is going to be a red flag in recovery. I was getting my opioids legally, but I was lying about how much pain I was in and how bad my cough was. When I came clean to my doc about it, that was the end of it. If I were bedridden with back pain I would probably get something. But anything short of that I have to deal with using aspirin or ibuprofen.

lets all party...party like its 1999!!!

I think I was in a drunken stupor at that 1999 party...

I got rid of someone who we had been friends for 5 years and he just used and abused my good nature

Augh NO! If I could go back to 1999 and undo anything, it would be my partying. 1999 was towards the beginning of when my drinking was becoming a problem. It then took me 3 years to admit that it was a problem, and 7 years to finally ask for help.

Had a strong urge to drink last night (screamed in my head " I want a drink") as I was overwhelmed with paper work.
Usually I drink when I do paperwork. I resisted though!
sigh
Was able to finish making a deposit, jeff dropped it off at the bank for me.
I decided to try to take a bath, I was really tired/achey ...discovered that I was not a bath person, had used some epsom salts. The water was hot enough but the tub was too small.
I will stick with my infrequent showers. Which I love when I finally get in there!
Woke up early this morning due to a coughing spell left over from my cold.
I guess I should take something before leaving. I don't have to leave the house for an hour or so...should have gone back to bed but I woke jeff up coughing and did not want to bother him in case I would start coughing again.
So I am starting my 2nd cup of coffee.
yawn....
blah blah blah
bizi

I wanted a drink drink too I opened the bottle of alcohol free wine I had in the fridge it was putrid. So I spat it out in the in sink and poured the rest down the toilet!

And grabbed an IRN BRU instead

Bizi,

Good for you for not drinking. Hope the cough eases up.

splitimage

You're doing great, bizi! Congrats on passing up on the opportunity to drink.

I was never a wine drinker, greentires, but I fear if I were to try a non-alcoholic beer it might bring back too many "good" memories & scam me back again. However, once a year, or so, GF & I will buy a bottle of sparkling grape juice to celebrate the new year, or such, but that just tastes like grape juice with fizz. I'm glad you didn't drink, greentires. Those urges can be mean.

Great job bizi, it gets easier over time.

I sometimes wonder about our family tradition. We get a sparkling apple cider that tastes a lot like spumante, pour glasses and do toasts. It didn't cause me any real concern at Thanksgiving, but I did a head scratch about whether it was a good idea or not.

Dinner:
WE shared a large order of ribs, I had 4 thai ribs, (jeff had 5 ribs) and a side of broccoli, some thai sugar beans and some salad.
very filling! oh and I forgot....sweet potato/pecan/bread pudding for desert, we shared.
The meal was fantastic!!!!
Our bill was only $28 plus a $6 tip and we still have money left on the gift card that I got today from a client. ya!

I only drank coffee and water today.
bizi
who is still stuffed from dinner.

Way to go, bizi! Another sober evening!

I haven't been to a meeting in a few months now, but they always have readings focused on getting through holidays at Thanksgiving & Christmas/New Years. Two things that always made sense to me were having an exit plan, & having someone to call if your resolve is dissolving. Whatever works for you, though. It's just that for some families/colleagues, the holidays include drinking, so it's something to think about before you find yourself in a bad position.

Way to go on not drinking Bizi. Your dinner sounds fantastic, and isn't it amazing how much cheaper it is to eat out when you aren't drinking.

emgreen, I agree having an exit plan is essential, for any function. When I was early in sobriety, and still had a car, I found the excuse "I"m driving and I absolutely don't drink when I'm driving." to be very handy. Now all my friends and family know I don't drink, and it's just a non issue. Drinking when socializing was never that much of an issue for me, largely because of the driving issue. It's when I'm home alone that I get the urge to drink the most.

splitimage

keep up the good work, bizi!

I went to the flaming hospital last night then voices came back several weeks without them being in the forefront and now I am being bombarded by them I had it and everyone is being assholes about it the cop who picked me up the psych nurse at the hospital the ER doctor I wasn't looking for a fix or maybe I was I am sad and depressed and fluctuating in and out of psychosis. All they ask if I did hard core drugs no no and no. I hate them all and they can tell me is that we heard this before ******** and telling me that the voices are not real well they are real to me!

I woke up to six gazillion people wanting to hurt me I hate this why can't things be simple?

Ps only drugs taking were 3 cans of pop.

I am sorry you did not get the help you needed.
((((HUGS)))))
bizi

That's horrible, greentires! I'm sorry you're going through this!

Ugh typical hospital. Hope you feel better soon.

Did they offer any assistance? I hope you get through the episode soon.

they only told me to get a hold of my psych nurse and talk to her....but I was talking to a psych nurse...apparently the last psych nurse i saw there told me the hospital was a safe place to come to but how do I judge with that BS one says one thing and the rest tell me i waste resources....maybe someone should tell them that they waste resources!!!

Greentires, I'm sorry you had such a bad experience at the hospital, I swear I don't know why some people go into medicine. I hope you're able to stay safe through this, and get a hold of your psych nurse.

Well, I screwed up yesterday. I relapsed. I ordered a 750 ml bottle of vodka and drank it, so needless to say I'm feeling awful today, both hungover and frustrated with myself.

And the stupid part is I don't really want to stop drinking. I just wish I could moderate and have a couple of beers in a bar, once or twice a week. But I know that's BS'ing myself as I never stop there. And I can't afford financially or physically to go back to drinking the way I was. But I also know that I'm generally happier when I'm sober, once I've been that way a while. So I've just got to get back there.

I'm trying not to beat myself up too much over it, 'cause that just leads me to want to drink more. I've just got to accept that I can't drink and focus on that.

So today is day 1, again.

splitimage

Relapse is part of recovery. Start over today and leave yesterday behind. Just try to stay sober today and don't worry about tomorrow.