[251turnaround]

I guess I'll preface this first with stating that I get that this is probably just a minor substance issue, but I really don't know where else to post this, so forgive me.

When I went back on ADHD meds a few years ago, I found myself gradually taking more than I was prescribed in an effort to further increase my ability to focus. Initially it was for that purpose, but eventually I started doing it just to get high. I had a psychiatrist who was more than happy to give me scripts for whatever stim I wanted at whatever dose I deemed necessary. At my worst point, I had accumulated a small stockpile of meds due to rapid prescription changes and I had evenings where I'd be doing 80-100mg lines of ritalin, up to 210mg of Vyvanse, or ~100mg of Adderall. I know I've likely done permanent damage to my heart as a result of this.

That was a few years ago and I still crave those highs. I told my therapist about this and she said it was outright substance abuse yet I'm still on Adderall after that.

Now I can't even get out of bed unless I take my Adderall. I don't even feel anything from it anymore. I don't receive any benefits to my ability to focus. It's the only thing that keeps me from being in a groggy fog the whole day.

I'm sure that what I experienced pales in comparison to what others have gone through here, and I know it doesn't compare, but it's starting to feel like a problem in my life. I want to be able to get by without it, but I can't. I can't imagine living without some kind of stimulant in my system. If I don't at least double my dose, I feel like a zombie much of the day.

I'm really not sure where to go from here.

[UpDownAround]

It compares; Adderall is a real drug with real addiction problems. I know; I had a problem with it and gave it up about 5 months ago.

I turned to caffeine as I weaned myself off of it. I drank a lot of coffee and took BC powder or Excedrin tablets for the inevitable headaches (both have caffeine). Sometimes I had an energy drink also. I stepped down the Adderall over a series of days until I was no longer taking it.

Then I had to (or at least chose to) turn my attention to all the caffeine and start stepping that down; reducing number of cups of coffee and switching to tea for the afternoons. I slowly moved up the time at which I switched to tea (40% the caffeine of coffee) until I drink only tea.

That's where I am now. I am not cutting out caffeine entirely and will continue to drink tea. This won't work if you don't like tea. English breakfast tea is probably the closest to coffee that I found and what I was using when I was first switching over to tea after having coffee earlier in the day.

For attention, I now use straterra. It is different than the stimulants. Instead of giving you a push, it helps you steer. It takes a couple of weeks to become effective and not everyone finds that it helps them.

My pdoc was the same way about stimulants. I have an attention deficit and stimulants are usually the most effective treatment. I had to be adamant about not being able to trust myself and requesting that I not be prescribed any stimulant, so she prescribed the straterra.

You can adapt to life without stimulants. Some of the days in the transition suck; you will have to drag yourself around sometimes. But it gets better. It won't get better while you continue using stimulants though; it will only get worse.