[splitimage]

I could have posted this here or in depression, since both are involved, but I thought I'd post it here, since I post here more.

I relapsed on alcohol just under 4 months ago, and have now been sober 2 months. I'm deeply depressed, and unmotivated. When I'm not in rehab, I just hide in bed.

I haven't worked full time since 2010 - been too sick with depression and alcoholism. I started working part time in January of this year at a no skill telemarketing and then fundraising job, which I lost because I missed too much work due to depression.

I'm currently living on social assistance, not enough to live on, and financial support from my brother. I hate this. It makes me feel like I sponge. I've applied for disability insurance but have been told the approval process can take up to 8 months. Even if I get disability, I'll still need assistance from my brother, which thankfully he's willing to provide.

Both my addictions Dr., and my psychiatrist are adamant that I'm not well enough to work yet. My pdoc wants me to try a 6 week course of transcranial magnetic stimulation, and has also talked about readmitting me to the hospital. But I'm bored out of my mind. I've applied to join a clubhouse for the mentally ill called Progress Place which basically does vocational rehab during the day, and then social activities evenings and weekends. Once I join there, I'll have more stuff to do and won't be as bored.

But and it's a big But I'm not sure how much of my depression is situational over being bored and not able to support myself. I have a job interview on Mon. for another low skill job, that I could probably get, if I wanted it. It has both full and part time options. Working part time would be an easier start for me, and still allow me to do some treatment, but I'd lose the medical benefits I get with social assistance - namely drug coverage. I'd still have partial drug coverage, but would have to pay a quarterly deductible of approximately 300 / quarter. And I'd still need assistance from my brother. Going back full time would let me support myself, and start to pay off debt, particularly when the minimum wage rises in January to 14/hr. This has a lot of appeal to me, since my independence is important to me, I'm just not sure I can handle going back to work full time. I'm pretty sure I can stay sober with the help of disulfiram, and appointments with my addictions Dr., that I'd negotiate time off for. I'd also negotiate time off for regular pdoc appointments.

Part of me thinks working would boost my self esteem, which would help with the depression, and I should at least try it if I have the opportunity, sort of a nothing to loose situation. If I can't handle it, I'll just wind up unemployed again and be no worse off than I am now.

Any thoughts would be appreciated.

splitimage

[bizi]

What is "disulfiram"?
I wish you much luck in this journey. I think starting part time then gofull time when you feel comfortable doing that. the daily place sounds promising. nice to hang around with people you don't have to explain yourself....
Be careful though I once had my wallet stolen at one of those places.
bizi

[rainbow in the dark]

Hi Split Image, I hope whatever you choose works out. $14/hr. sounds promising. If you could find a low stress job where you stay busy, it might help with your depression. Whatever you choose to do, not drinking has to come first. I've been free of alcohol for a while because I told myself if I drink again I'll get more depressed...wayyy more depressed.

I don't struggle with an addiction issue, but I am on ODSP and work part-time (usually 32 hours a week) and I find having a routine helps with my depression and anxiety. I also find regular exercise, and making time for meditation helps as well. I started at my job working 15 hours a week, and have moved up from there.

I don't think it would be an awful thing to try part-time work and see how it goes. You may find the routine helps give more meaning to your days, plus it does feel fulfilling to get a paycheck that isn't from the government, you know?

The worst thing that happens is you find it is too much, and you quit. Or you may find having a job is a helpful tool on your way to recovery. Nothing ventured, nothing gained.

[emgreen]

Originally Posted by splitimage

I haven't worked full time since 2010 - been too sick with depression and alcoholism. I started working part time in January of this year at a no skill telemarketing and then fundraising job, which I lost because I missed too much work due to depression.

It sounds like depression is stil an extremely big problem for you & remember that you're still early in sobriety. I've always felt sorry for telemarketers. That must be such a depressing job, with people consistently giving you a hard time...this must have contributed greatly to the underlying depression. I, too, missed a lot of work due to deep depressions, so I can really sympathize with your emotional situation ( I have bipolar disorder...with depression being my biggest issue these days).

Both my addictions Dr., and my psychiatrist are adamant that I'm not well enough to work yet. My pdoc wants me to try a 6 week course of transcranial magnetic stimulation, and has also talked about readmitting me to the hospital.

IMO, your doctors'/therapists' opinions should be taken seriously. Yes...It's sometimes difficult to differentiate between situational & physiological-centered depression. It's probably a bit of both. Also, with you living in Canada, SAD might be an issue for you...I know it is for me. Might it be possible for you to put off looking for a job until spring, when there will be more light & you'll have more sobriety under your belt? Your emotional health & sobriety should be your biggest priorities right now. I don't know what your brother's financial situation is, but if he can afford to give you a little assistance, I'd be tempted to accept it until your situation is more stable.

I've applied to join a clubhouse for the mentally ill called Progress Place which basically does vocational rehab during the day, and then social activities evenings and weekends. Once I join there, I'll have more stuff to do and won't be as bored.

Have you ever checked this place out? Are some of the attendees fairly high functioning? I'm not sure how it would make you feel if a majority of the folks there really struggled mentally or cognitively. Things might be different in Canada, but I've seen a few of the clubhouses in my area in which most of the folks are fairly low functioning - again, that's just at the clubhouse here in my town, though. Unless there are some higher functioning MI people, being there might make you feel worse rather than better. I'm just saying...Check the place out first.

Part of me thinks working would boost my self esteem, which would help with the depression, and I should at least try it if I have the opportunity, sort of a nothing to loose situation.

Are you sure it will raise your self-esteem? Weigh the pros & cons carefully. You might be right, or you might just be feeling guilty about accepting support from your brother until you get on your feet again. You know your situation best...

If I can't handle it, I'll just wind up unemployed again and be no worse off than I am now.

Actually, if you don't have some solid hunches, things could very well be worse (what a dark cloud I am, huh?). All I'm suggesting that untreated depression & untreated alcoholism can both kill us dead. We have to take great care to stay sane & sober.

I'm sorry to cast doubts on your plans...That isn't my intention. I guess I'm just putting myself in your situation. I know you dislike AA, but one thing they suggest is not making any huge changes for the first year of sobriety. In addition, if your pdoc thinks your depression might be treatable, I'd focus on that first. Again, you know yourself better than I do...Good luck!

[splitimage]

Thanks everyone,

Well the job was a non starter. It turned out to be a commission only financial planning job, selling insurance and investment products. It was with a reputable financial services firm but there's no way I could do that job. It would send me back to drinking for sure.

So it's back to my original plan. Finish IOP, maybe do transcranial magnetic stimulation, and get involved with Progress Place.

As far as the people at Progress Place go, it's a mix but generally people are on the higher functioning end of the spectrum, mainly because during the day you have to be working while you're there, and there's a wide range of jobs, depending on interest / skills. It operates more as a drop in evenings and weekends so I'm not sure what that atmosphere is like.

There are definitely some clubhouses I wouldn't go to, namely because I'd either want to slit my wrists or punch someone out after an hour, but they target a different population and offer different services.

[emgreen]

Originally Posted by splitimage

Well the job was a non starter. It turned out to be a commission only financial planning job, selling insurance and investment products.

That's a hell of a way to make a living. I wouldn't be able to do that.

So it's back to my original plan. Finish IOP, maybe do transcranial magnetic stimulation, and get involved with Progress Place.

Sounds like a plan! Will you continue going to you meetings? If I recall correctly, you're in IOP. I hope you're in a position to continue. It sounds like clubhouses are different in Canada. I have a cyber-bipolar friend in BC &
she likes going to her clubhouse, It gives her a chance to engage with other people. Anyways...I think you made a wise decision.

[splitimage]

Hi Emgreen,

Yeah - no way I could do it.

I'll still go to my meetings, and yes, I'll continue with my IOP. And then I'll hopefully start aftercare in Jan.

I think there's a terminology difference between the US and Canada. In Canada Clubhouses for the mentally ill are run around a specific philosophy of volunteer work during the day. This is as opposed to drop ins which is just a place to hang out and socialize that may or may not have some recreational programing. I've never been to a good drop in centre.

splitimage

[emgreen]

Originally Posted by splitimage

I'll still go to my meetings, and yes, I'll continue with my IOP. And then I'll hopefully start aftercare in Jan.

I'm glad to hear about it. Good for you making things all-around better for yourself

I think there's a terminology difference between the US and Canada. In Canada Clubhouses for the mentally ill are run around a specific philosophy of volunteer work during the day. This is as opposed to drop ins which is just a place to hang out and socialize that may or may not have some recreational programing. I've never been to a good drop in centre.

Yeah. Again, My friend out in B.C. really likes her clubhouse. It really did sound like a big community, of sorts! Things, or terminology, might be different. I'm glad you've got a social outlet. I've been isolating far too long.

[Bill3]

How are you doing now, splitimage?

[splitimage]

Thanks for asking Bill3.

Things are looking up. I got approved for disability, just found out this week and am now waiting to hear from the disability office when my benefits will start, but that's a huge relief.

I had my first day down at Progress Place, and it was really good. I wound up doing a bunch of different things. Admittedly they were all below my skill level, but at least I felt useful. There was a mix of cognitive abilities among the people there, but everyone was nice. I'm goiing to go back on Mon.

I had to drop out of IOP, as I missed too many sessions due to being depressed, but I have the option of restarting in Jan. if I want, and if I'm feeling better.

I saw a job ad, for people to take orders, over the phone, at a pizza place, that I'm going to apply to, today. That's something I know I could do, and would probably even enjoy somewhat. So we'll see how that goes.

I have no desire to drink, which is a relief, but I'm continuing to go to my Double Recovery meetings for support.

And I'm not as depressed as I was, which is a relief.

splitimage

[bizi]

This sounds good!
bizi

[madisgram]

SplitImage I'm so happy you're still here. Read your post. We have/had very similar challenges. Mine are resolved just for today. I take an antidepressant that works and have been sober using AA for almost 30 years now. Here briefly is the formula I used that gained me success. I first got my depression under control, inpatient in my case. (63 days). I knew if I didn't tackle that first my efforts to stay sober would be nil. Then I joined an intense outpatient addiction 12 step program 6 hrs/day 5 days a week for 6 months. I saw my post doc regularly and was in therapy. I attended meetings 6 days a week. I used U.S. welfare to have medical insurance while in outpatient. Then SSI when I completed my outpatient so I could work 20 hrs a week and still have medical coverage. The rest of the time was for meetings. I worked for about 4-5 months then applied for a career job. I knew I needed to take these steps gradually because depression or drinking or both would destroy my efforts. You and I have a double edged sword. If we don't in unison resolve our challenges IMHO we will fail.
I know in Canada not everything's the same as in the states but I do feel getting your depression under control and working a recovery program will yield you the success I've had. It's a tenuous balance at first but it can work. If your depression returns go to your post doc for tweaking of meds. If you feel like drinking double up on meetings and talk about it there. The group can be an excellent support tool.
Others may disagree with my approach but I feel there's no race to the finish line. Each step is vital. There are a few attitudes that will assist...a desire to be sober, fixing the depression and a willingness to do both at all times. Simplify and then add things to your life slowly. I'm so glad you have a loving brother to help you financially.
Of course my reply is only a suggestion. I wish you well. I'd love to see you as I feel now...happy, joyous and free.