Daily Check In #3

I need to realize that beating myself up over slipping up isn't going to help. I need to focus on positive replacement behaviors that help me socialize and have fun without using substances or pornography.

That's my check-in for the day.

Day 3 of sobriety for me. My positivity is returning and I'm glad the sense of hopelessness is evaporating, as well. That's one of the worst parts.

Looking forward to returning to AA, utilizing meetings, and just making a fresh start. Sobriety being foremost in terms of any other progress I might make within this life I've been granted.

I'm going to begrudgingly let my doctor refer me to counseling as well. I say 'begrudgingly' because I've had plenty of counseling over the years. Yet, in saying that, I need to do something further, to deal with my ongoing mental health problems. Best I not think about it too much and just do it.

Thank you.

@mote.of.soul
Congratulations on getting to day 3. I find the first couple of days are always the hardest. And I'm glad the hopelessness is vanishing.

Good for you for trying counselling again. I know it can sometimes feel like, more of the same, but I've found I've learned something new from every counsellor I've had. Would it be possible for you to see someone who is experienced in addictions? That might be helpful for you. I know it was for me.

splitimage

Thanks @splitimage, it's a good idea and I should look into it. After all, the problem of addiction is obviously a lifelong thing. I just really need my mental health to improve, so talking to a counselor in depth - about anything, really - may help, yes.

Thanks for your encouragement and for relating as well. It's good to know there are people who can identify here at PC.

I have 13 days... I was in the hospital until yesterday. Now it's up to me.

Good job childofchaos831!

Keep on hanging in there!

I have 11 years clean and this morning I was thinking about drinking a martini, which I used to like. Maybe several. I am just at a place where I am so sick of this bipolar thing that I really don't want to do this anymore. I am worn out. It's too exhausting. It's too hard. I am not going to act on these thoughts, but I am where I am. Not happy today.

childofchaos, you can do this. You've had long sober/clean periods before so you know how to do it, even if it feels really hard. I'm glad you're out of the hospital - I always hate being IP. I hope you're able to enjoy the holidays without too much drama.

bpcyclist, isn't it weird how cravings can come out of nowhere, even after a long time sober. Good for you for thinking it through, and posting about it here. I get being fed up with mental illness too, sometimes I just want to say F-it and go off my meds, which would be spectacularly stupid and dangerous.

I'm going down to my clubhouse today to hang out and volunteer. I'll have dinner there, and then go to the Double Recovery meeting. I'm really looking forward to that since it's a while I've been to one.

splitimage

hugs to those that need them
(((((HUGS))))))
bizi

Thanks splits

Managed to string together 8 days without a drink... That's good, right? I think so...

1,603 days clean and sober from alcohol

Rare low dose benzo
Rare extra Vyvanse
Occasional low dose weed
Low dose phenibut
Nicotine spray
Occasional alcoholic drink or two when social
5-10 year break from psychedelics

I'm craving something.. Like a cigarette.. (I quit 4 months ago) or cocaine...

Feeling very tired and physically hurting this morning.

I hope you feel better today! How is the sleeping going?
bizi

Too many emotions and recklessness. Feel like doing drugs.

I feel like I should go to AA meetings. Maybe I wouldn't be so dang lonely if I went to one.

usually there are a couple in towns different nights of the week. Try a few out to see if any of them feel right.
None felt right for me so I don't go...though I only tried out 2 groups.
bizi

Feeling better now. Just was feeling reckless cuz I had to take care of my mom all night when she was crazy drunk and delusional. I got stressed induced psychosis for an hour and thought I was God, that reality was fake and my mom was a robot.

I hope you're feeling better now Des.

Feeling antsy and like drinking, so going down to my clubhouse today and will stay and go to the Double Recovery meeting. That always makes me feel better.
splitimage

you are doing so well split!
bizi

Glad to see some familiar faces. I haven't been on PC in a while. Sorry to hear about your mother, Desoxyn. As a former drunk, I look back & realize how miserablel I could make others. Glad you're going out & doing things, splits. Isolation ain't good...for mental health OR sobriety.