Daily Check In #3

I haven't been out here and posted in a long time; I have kind of made the issue not a part of life I spend much time thinking about. Day 855.

Hi UpDownAround, nice to see your name, and congrats on your name. I'm glad you've reached the point where it's a non-issue in your regular thinking, Hope to get there myself.

splitimage

I am home, and back to day one. I have a lot of "I can't" in my head.

5 months sober in just over a week[!], which has gone quite fast for me.

Now that the weather is becoming sunnier though, I've been getting the drinking bug a bit. But I just shift my thoughts away from drinking and remind myself of the reality of my alcoholism - and if you're an AA person, that's all about Step 1 and powerlessness.

Wishing everyone encouragement on your journey's.

We're powerless, folks! Don't drink and drug!

Relapsed...

Fret not, @childofchaos831, and just keep trying and trying. It's normal to stumble at times.

childofchaos

I'm sorry you relapsed, but it's not the end of the world. You know how many times I've relapsed and started over. The important part is to try to learn from the relapse, so if the same set of triggers arise in the future, you won't be as tempted to use. And get right back on the sobriety wagon.

I'm cheering you on.
splitimage

I was gonna go skiing today but I slept in. Took 2 hours to fall asleep last night so I was asleep by 4am. It's from phenibut withdrawal. Took a 1mg xanax.

I was over the withdrawal but I decided to take more for a few days because it makes my hikes so much more fun like alcohol. Everyone else was drinking alcohol, smoking cigarettes and marijuana. I feel left out. I don't want to be moody and depressed.

It's hard.

But it's been like 4 months without cigarettes.

Good for you.

On day 1 again... I'm probably going to end up in the hospital again by the end of today... I've been in a couple times recently, one after a su attempt. If I'm honest with the T at PHP, I will be in the hospital by the end of the day.

(((((((childofchaos831)))))))

I hit 17 months yesterday for one of my addictions. And also had to restart on the one I'm trying to stop. Something needs to click. I need to be stronger to help others. But my mood has suffered. I wish I could do what I used too.

My dad is taking me around the city and I need to go back home to take 2g phenibut cuz I am withdrawing.

I feel negative and have no good thoughts.

My dad brought me to the music store which is an awesome place and I didnt feel like trying out the electric guitars or even looking at them cuz depress so I took phenibut now will take a nap and wait for it to kick in. I really hate this it's like the universe is teaching me a lesson but all the hikes i did, I was happy and care free but now I have no happy thoughts.. it makes me care more.. kill apathy and I realize that my depression my whole life has just been apathy.. not caring about anything..

12 days sober from drinking alcohol as of now. I don't even understand sometimes why I want to be sober. It's almost as if other people are putting desires in my mind... Anyone ever experienced that? I am such a pushover that I accept advice from nearly anyone. So when people say I should stop drinking, I think I have a problem with alcohol. But no therapist or doctor has ever told me I have an addiction to alcohol or anything else. Why is there this disparity between what the professionals think and what I think?

There are many books out there about how to quit drinking.
I am at day 28 and have lost 8 pounds so am happy about this.
I have always been a binge drinker.regular drinking became problem drinking as I got older (I am 56)I am bipolar and this interacts with my drinking. I also have other OCD atype/addictions...Food, skin picking and internet usage.
Tell me more about your drinking if you want to.
bizi

I have been able to quit for this short time this time. I am planning on just telling people, "I don't drink" next time I am at a social function. I am confident in my non-drinking self. The thing that was making me doubt the whole quitting alcohol thing was just my mental state, which I think is pretty negative (or at least was pretty negative). I am taking care of that by (hopefully) switching psychiatrists. Thanks though...

Have a good day!
((((((HUGS)))))
bizi

Tomorrow 21st of November: 1g phenibut
22nd: 900mg phenibut
23rd: 800mg phenibut
24th: 700mg phenibut
25th: 600mg phenibut
26th: 500mg phenibut
27th: 400mg phenibut
28th: 300mg phenibut
29th: 200mg phenibut
30th: 100mg phenibut

1st of December: 0mg phenibut :/

30 days alcohol free!
8 pounds gone

bizi

Day 2..... Grumble. I keep slipping because of circumstances. And then I get sad and use once again. It's a terrible cycle.

Rome was not built in a day.
(((((HUGS)))))
bizi

Yes, back to square one for me, as well. Too much anxiety to deal with so drank for 2 days. I'll just keep pluggin' away though, and doing my best. Climb back on the horse again. Get back on the wagon again.

All the best to everyone. Just one day at a time.

It really is just one day at a time. I've had so many relapses since I started my sober journey 13 years ago, that there's no way I could even count them. The only thing that seems to consistently work for me is taking Antabuse, all of my long sober periods I've been on it.
Just something to think about.
splitimage

hey split!
glad that the antibuse keeps working for you!
I have thought about it. right now I am able to be alcohol free for 32 days. I think my meds are better. I have bipolar disorder 1. OCD and excoriation disorder, a mild case. Have an addictive personality: alcohol, food, internet, picking.

Have a great day!
bizi