Daily Check In #3

The last one is about full use this one.

As for me it's day 4 and all I want to do is my addiction. I know it gets easier... Well to a point.

Congrats on day 4!

It is hard work that you are doing, you are worthy of this effort.
bizi

It does get easier. Congrats on getting started!

Looking back over the past 6 months:
I have bounced around 10 pounds....170-180.
Today at 175 I am stuck right in the middle of that.
bizi

I have managed to stay at/under 164 (which is a 24.9 BMI) for 3 months and below 160 for a couple of weeks. I decided to stay under 160 because it gave me too much anxiety to be just under what I had determined was my new max (aka scream weight). I am around 157 now. This gives me room to spot a trend up and turn it around well before I get to 164, even on retained water spikes.
Last summer I was 223. That was toward the end of the summer when I started the diet. I had some small ups and downs during the summer and was over 225 a couple of times.

You have lost almost 70 pounds!!!!! congratulations!!!!!
how did you do it?
bizi
who sits in awe.

The single thing most responsible for my success is discipline. Motivation has a short shelf life. This is relevant on this forum because this is also true about beating addictions.

I tracked every single thing I ate, every day, no exceptions (even if I am guessing or picking a similar item that might be way off). I still do. I use myfitnesspal site/app for that. I bought a digital food scale and weigh food whenever possible; guessing at portions is a big source of inaccuracy.

I weigh every other day with few exceptions (weekend away or forgetfulness are the exceptions) always first thing in the morning before my shower. I still do. I set my calories goal to lose at varying rates during my loss, slowing down when I got closer. I eat pretty much whatever I want and just limit portions and make tradeoffs. the calories tracking app also shows me were I am with protein, carbs and fats and I just make sure I am getting at least the minimum of each.

I walk a lot and I don't log it all as exercise to give me more calories. A lot of people get into trouble because some of the walk tracking apps give you fantasy calories (way more than you burn). I adjust numbers based on results on the scale.

I am trying to fix this alcohol problem of mine, but really lacking will power. Got an appointment with alcohol services on friday. Hope they can help.

Had to go back in the psych hospital again but held on to the sobriety still... Friday. Just have to make it to Friday.

Addictive things spike your pleasure and then crash it, but the baseline lowers. So you get more highs and lows, and progressively more lows. […] In the healthy cycle, with anything, you get less extreme highs and lows and progressively more highs. […] So while the addict is controlled by pleasure, they actually have much less pleasure in their life.

– Daniel Schmachtenberger

I am not drinking right now because I am trying to lose weight. I have stalled at 175.4 for days. This is frustrating...I am trying to limit what I eat and not snack, I even took an extra medication for bathroom reasons to see if I need to be cleaned out!
By friday morning if I don't see a budge in the scale I am going to drink at trivia friday night.
My Aspen clinic supplements and shakes come in a few days. Talked to my psych doctor she wants to see what are in the supplements before I take them, oh and I am going to get a b12 shot every month.

bizi

Child - the countdown to a year is in the little numbers now! Still trailing you by 17 days (I think). Congrats!

I am going to be something of a broken record as the same advice I gave bzi on weight loss applies to abstinence on drinking - discipline. Especially early on when the benefits haven't really started kicking in yet. You can't make yourself like it yet, so you have to make yourself do it anyway because intellectually you know it's the best decision and you will be happy about it before long and for a very long time afterwards.

Are you tracking calories accurately or just "trying to limit"? The first option always works if you set a goal that is well below what you burn. Try tracking everything for a few days (get the MyFitnessPal app or a similar one) and staying under 1400 and compare that to how you had been eating.
I don't think only waiting until Friday will be giving it much of a chance, especially if you aren't tracking. I also think drinking is not a good choice for you and I think you agree with that. Please don't sabotage yourself.

You better still be trailing me!

Why can't I beat this thing?!?!?!? Back to square one. Or rather day one....yet it's all I think about.

I'm still back here. On day one, I am not sure I would have bet I would make it to a year even if you offered me 10:1 odds. At this point, I would give you 10:1 odds I will make it to a year and take your money. 2 years and 5 years and 10 are looking like achievable goals instead of pipe dreams. Approaching my 60th birthday has a big impact; I have started thinking about mortality more and looking at things that improve the odds of a long healthy life. Seniors drinking like I did have a greatly reduced chance of good health and/or a long life. Lots of occasional bingers become hard core alcoholics in retirement. Scary stuff.

I'm glad you were able to look at the consequences. In the moment, when we are upset, it's hard to think things through. It's hard to look at what will happen long term if we take one drink.

For me, that one drink turns into half a bottle and within 3 days, I am extremely suicidal and don't see the point of life at all. Alcohol is deadly to me, but not in the traditional sense. I am younger, 35 years old. Alcohol may not physically kill me like it would you, but it would kill me in a way. I would just die by my own hand rather than a medical consequence of the alcohol itself. That is my consequence. That is why I choose to not drink or drug.

Well, day 0 again. Stayed up til 7am drinking, smoking up, eating and sniffing benzos. Felt nice but today sucks ***.

I will weigh tomorrow, forgot to today. will see if I have lost any, I hope so.
thanks for your support.
bizi

You're back here, so you haven't given up. Deep down, you seem to know you need to beat this. You just have to come up swinging until you do.

I'm so depressed and lost. I think about suicide on a regular basis but I know I can't go through with it so I get high instead. Or I cut myself instead. I just need some help.

Right now I feel like I have a benzo hangover and I'm sleep deprived and I'm smoking just non stop the stress is real.

A friend was walking towards me with her friend from the liquor store and they were carrying booze and they said "What are you up to?" and I said "I'm buying booze" and they laughed.

I'm going for a walk with my mom at 6. She can't know about the bottle of jack I bought so I drink alcohol at night. I took a shot of moonshine. Quite immoral if you ask me but she called me to go for a walk after I drank it.

She was the one that told the liquor store to stop serving me when I was 18 because I drank too much. Now her excuse is that I have schizophrenia.

I mean, I don't know what I'm doing. I'm just sick of this high dose antipsychotic medication and I feel nothing anyways.

I'm playing guitar with a friend at 8 and left my pint of rum at his place.

How do I even know I have a problem with alcohol? I just want a buzz. I'm a stimulant addict and think psychedelics are healing. I hate opiates because they make me feel numb and they're impossible for me to get addicted unless I'm in physical pain.

I'm just impulsive. I don't want mental health problems.

So yeah, that's my update...

I feel like a complete worthless waste because my mom said she would control my money if I buy alcohol again. She's drinking alcohol right now.

She could smell the shot of moonshine I drank but I didn't tell her about the bottle of jack.

I don't see the problem when I was happy and now I'm in so much mental pain because I'm being controlled.

This doesn't make any sense.

I'm sick of all this confusion.