Daily Check In #3

I was sitting on my bed and she came in and I said that she shouldn't be drinking with her heart condition and then she started crying denying that she was going to control my money and about her problems and because I drank a moonshine (It was only a shot) and all this other confusion.

She says arguing gives her heart palpitations.

Now I feel even worse about everything.

Edit: I gave her a hug and said sorry I'm so mental and she said it's ok and that I have to be honest with her so I told her about the bottle of jack. She told me to put it in the freezer.

I'm only to drink a shot or two with a mixer. That's only if I feel like it.

I think that's a good compromise and doesn't make me feel like I need to drink so much to rebel because I can't have any.

Other drugs I stay away from of course.

I missed IOP yesterday because I had a seroquel hangover and just slept in too late. So I have to go today. But I think I'm also going to go for acupuncture again today. Hopefully it will relax me, the way it did on Mon.

splitimage

I'm not confused, well maybe I am.

I let go in an image of a positive solution.

You need to say that, in those words, to a health care professional. It's really important.

I called around to every rehab in this area and surrounding areas... No openings til fall. I might go to emerge today...

Heheheh!
Pic not showing for me but it say 11 mos 30 days...

Staying up until midnight?

Congrats childofchaos. That's awesome.

I went for acupuncture again yesterday, but it wasn't as calming as there were people in the next room, talking really loud, and it was a distraction to meditating. But I still felt a little more relaxed. And I had the technician put the seeds in my ears for the weekend.

I think it's definitely helping me with staying sober.

splitimage

I did stay up past midnight, but not for this. Since the hospital I haven't slept very well. Gonna hit my normal meetings today.

Are you getting a cake? Or going somewhere to celebrate your one year cake?

Congratulations childofchaos!!

Out of curiosity what app do you use to count how long its been?

the addict in me and the borderline in me are good friends right now and they're both fighting for the steering wheel

Green, I don't think I'm getting cake. Unless someone wants to go after the NA meeting tonight... I'm going to AA for the medallion and then sneaking in to the last half of my old NA meeting for the keytag. AA is at 8 and NA at 830 so it makes it hard, but I'm gonna try. I also didn't sleep well, woke up way earlier than I wanted to after not getting to bed til late...

Skye, I use IamSober. Someone else in this thread uses it and I liked it and asked the same question! Its better than the other counting apps out there in my opinion. You can also get daily motivation push notifications thru it which I like.

Woohoo! Booya and awesome! Way to stick with it. I hope to join the club soon. But today is your day; enjoy it!

Take it away from them. Rational Jess, who knows life will be better without the drugs, needs to steer.

congratulations child!!!!!
way to go!!!!!
hope you got to both meetings!
bizi

Only 33days until my new milestone!!

I liked it better when I was craving just psychedelics yesterday.

My Concerta must have worn off so I have unbelievably low energy and very very foggy mind? So I crave meth.

But I don't know if it's an actual craving. It's a mellow craving like "Maybe it will help me".

What am I supposed to do with such zombified mind? It's like I'm trapped inside a mind with no brain chemicals. How is this feeling my fault? I didn't ask for this.

I'm scared at how such low energy I have. I'm moving slow. I don't want to put effort into anything. I have dreams and a real mind that just gets shut down sometimes. When I feel this way, I see no light at the end of the tunnel.

Desoxyn, I'm sorry you're craving meth, but I'm not surprised. You spent years using, and your brain got used to it, so of course you're going to want to use - it's your brain's "normal" and feeling sluggish is part of early recovery.

I'm currently in an IOP program, and the facilitators were talking about Post Acute Withdrawl Syndrom (PAWS) and they said it can take up to 2 years, of complete abstinence for your brain to heal. You might want to google PAWS and read up on it, as it sounds to me, like that may be what you're experiencing.

Hang in there, and post here as much as you like/need.

splitimage

Thanks splitimage, PAWS is what I'm feeling.

Guys and gals, I think I've relapsed. It's affecting me emotionally, enough that I sought out pain. Who am I is the question at hand

made it thru a dinner where I really wanted to drink but did not.
I will wait until after my appointment with my psych doctor and until thursday night when we get to memphis, our official beginning of the vacation.
bizi

Yesterday was in the ER for a pulled muscle in my back. I thought it might be kidney stones but it wasn't. They only gave me one pain pill. I decided to buy some pain pills off my old drug dealer. Met with him, gave him the money etc. He went to go get it. I had a change of heart and texted him back to cancel. He gave me my money back minus $50.00. I'm glad I didn't get the pills. It was worth losing the $50.00 to stay clean and sober.

tomorrow its 2 years 11months clean and sober...

Congratulations on the good decision!

you can be very proud of yourself for this!
good going!
bizi