[Mbluish]

I’ve been a closet alcoholic and have not gotten help yet. It’s in my genes. This is the first time I’ve admitted that to anyone. I’ve struggled with anxiety and other issues and drinking helps me cope. It’s gotten pretty bad more recently. There have been cases when my husband gets upset with my social drinking. I didn’t know he knew as much as he did until today. I thought, for the most part, I have been good at hiding it. I know I need help. I don’t know that a 12 step program is for me. I don’t know where to start. I don’t want to lose my marriage. I don’t even know what I am asking here. I just don’t know where to start. Guess I just need support or advice. My marriage is in big trouble.

[bizi]

Do you have a therapist? If not then I suggest that you get one ASAP.
I also suggest going into couples counseling.
AA is not for everyone but the principals are good.....I suggest going a few times there are many different meetings. I went to a meditation one which was good. also went to an atheist meeting...not for me.
There is an on line meeting place called smart recovery. They have on line meetings.
There are a bunch of books that you can read. I am reading on called this naked mind. I like it.
I wish you much luck in this journey.
bizi

[TunedOut]

While I do think their is a genetic component to addiction, I also think we become addicted to substances because we need to numb our feelings for some reason. It could be past trauma, anxiety (IMO some people are anxious from a very young age--others develop it because of their environment--anxiety can get severe enough to cause problems in many areas of our life) or another tendency or current problem that has become too overwhelming for you. Some of us have painful thoughts that we have to learn to acknowledge, accept, and then develop better habits to cope and better thinking patterns. So I agree with Bizi that finding a therapist who can help you figure out what issues you are numbing, rather than acknowledging and facing is an important part of overcoming an addiction. That you realize you have a problem is a good step. It would also be good if you could talk about it with your spouse. If you can't, then beginning that conversation is also important for your marriage.

[sarahsweets]

Honesty will set you free. Talk to your spouse and let it all out, and Bizi was right, find a good therapist. I say try AA a few times before deciding its not for you.

[bpcyclist]

In my experience doing this for awhile, addicts and alcoholics quit using when they are done and not a minute sooner. They don't do it for a spouse or a kid or a job or for any other reason than that they have finally had enough. Just something for you to reflect upon.

I am an AA person, myself, but I did SMART Recovery for years and it can also be useful. Maybe check them both out and see what you think.

[sarahsweets]

Originally Posted by bpcyclist

In my experience doing this for awhile, addicts and alcoholics quit using when they are done and not a minute sooner. They don't do it for a spouse or a kid or a job or for any other reason than that they have finally had enough. Just something for you to reflect upon.


I am an AA person, myself, but I did SMART Recovery for years and it can also be useful. Maybe check them both out and see what you think.

100% correct about addicts and alcoholics being done when their done. I had to have my own bottoms through pain and consequences. Unfortunately for me pain and consequences are my main ways of learning to change my behavior.

[happysobercrafter]

Here's the link to Smart Recovery: Self Help Addiction Recovery Program | Alternative to AA - SMART Recovery

I encourage you to remember you will get great advice and not so great advice. As you get better, you learn to distinguish between the two and think for yourself. That is one reason I am not in favor of AA. They want you to think you are powerless over your disease. You are most definitely NOT powerless over your disease. You can learn new habits, if you choose to, and better yourself and better your life. That choice is yours to make.

Do you have a therapist? A good therapist will help you untangle your thoughts and get better.