Daily Check In #4

Today I double-masked & attended my first in person AA meeting since March. I've been doing Zoom meetings, but they've lost their luster over time. Oh, man! Walking into the Alano Club & sitting down with others of my ilk was wonderful! I'd forgotten how much I missed the Club & the familiar faces within! (They're limiting the size of meetings to 10 - first come, first served.)

I didn't mention my recent edible weed relapse, but I'll rationalize & just stick to the Third Tradition..."The only requirement for membership is a desire to stop DRINKING." I learned my lesson from the relapse & I'll leave it there. I hope that isn't too dishonest.

Good job, LittleEarthquakes

I just got back from an in-person AA meeting. As I posted before, I've been sticking to Zoom meetings since March, but started Monday & Thursday in-person (double-masking, of course). It's wonderful to be back.

We have quarterly Zoom business meetings, and yesterday I found out that probation officers here have been accepting screen shots of Zoom meetings as proof of AA attendance. That's just wrong! Folks should have the right to remain anonymous. Taking pictures of people in meetings has the potential to create major problems for attendees.

I agree - that's a major problem. The whole point of the program is anonymity. I know I'd definitely be annoyed if someone took my picture in a meeting.

I use so much of my time trying to be better - And the only way to do that is go into some form of psychosis? It can't be a slow bleed for me cuz I'm not easily surprised and easily go into psychosis from too much stress. But I feel like I'm going to go into a dark place - As much as I want to be positive. I subconsciously want pain and hold onto faith.

first of all I have to say I am stunned an amazed that I got into a situation just under a year ago. That I ended up having a problem with smoking crystal meth. I never in my whole life thought that I would be someone.
That had something like this happen to them.

All I can say is it is rough I know that there is a desire for me to wanna do it again, but I am too proud of myself, that I have kept myself clean and detoxing off all this nasty stuff.

And I am not about to my life back in the place where it was.

You should be proud of yourself. I've read that meth is one of the most addictive & alluring drugs there is. Putting the plug in the jug was hard enough for me!

There was an advertisement on my Facebook feed the other night for a drug that was supposed to help you drink less. Yeah...that would work in my case! I had to laugh, since I've accepted my alcoholism & know that one drink wouldn't do the job to my satisfaction.

Do you do zoom calls?

What's your forbidden food?

I had a minor set back i drank a tall can of someberry cider. A friend drove me crazy with demands she demanded that i take her dog out for sh.t break. She was the one who fed it cesar dog food. And blamed it on me. I got mad at her on the phone and said i was long way off and wasn't in the vacinity to take her dog out for a crap. I said i wasnt the one who fed her dog cesar...thats on you. And do you mind stop yelling at me, thats all you do when you have a problem is that you yell at your friends. No wonder no one wants to hang out with you anymore. I have better things to do then listen to your lame problems that arent mine.

So i am not starting my sobriety over again it was just a blip. One drink that didnt make me drink the rest.

This friend needs to grow up were not teenagers anymore. Were adults...and soon i was thinking of changing the password to 5G on wifi...to treat her a lesson.

Hello, greentires4me. While I've got a pretty big chunk of sobriety from alcohol, I don't count my days or anniversaries because I know I've gone back out in the past. I know many who post here don't like AA, but people in the program give out coins to mark anniversaries. The only coin I have is a 24 hour coin. Today is the only guarantee I've got. I'm glad you were able to stop at one cider. I know, however, that it can be a slippery slope if you try to replicate that. Today is a new day. Keep on keeping on!

I have 4 days clean right now. Wanting to get a sponsor but don't know about the mental illness stuff and who to ask.

Congratulations on your clean time. I don't know what program you attend, but in AA people usually give phone numbers to newcomers at their first meeting - use those numbers. If that didn't happen, try not to feel shy about asking folks for their numbers (I know...easier said than done!). Other than that, I'd simply suggest hitting the same meetings for awhile, listening for people whose messages you can relate too. Sometimes picking a sponsor to soon can be a mistake.

As far as mental illness goes, you can share as much, or as little, as you feel comfortable with at first. Most alcoholics & addicts have done enough crazy shite in their using days that the chances of shocking them are pretty slim!

Good luck with your progress. Keep us posted, childofchaos.

@buddha1too I prefer NA but my home group doesn't have any women who are currently taking on new sponsees. I've done both programs before... just done some of the steps through AA though. I asked a woman from the AA group I go to regularly earlier today, and we are gonna start working together. We'll see how this goes.

Great news, childofchaos! Having someone to confide in really helped me in early sobriety. While people sponsor folks differently, my first sponsor didn't rush me through the steps. Getting to know him gave me a firm foundation to work with. I know it's trite, but I feel the first word of the first step is the most important to my sobriety..."We." I can't stay sober alone.

Please keep us posted. I know it's tough struggling with addiction in addition to mental illness; I still go through rough patches. I hope you have great luck getting to know this woman.

It's going to be hard for me to sleep tonight because I didn't take phenibut today. I've been taking it every day for months - So I'll take a full zopiclone.

I was feeling perfect today - But I took a microdose to see if I would continue feeling better because I thought that taking one a few days ago was contributing to how I felt today - Like a catch 22 or w/e.

I started feeling mentally weak and my thoughts were meaningless - Yet depersonalized so I smoked the evening weed + 0.25mg of clonazepam and felt better.

So yeah... It could be because of taking kratom yesterday as well I'm not sure.

I just don't want to feel spacey. I felt like today, I was doing so good (Especially compared to yesterday and the day before that where I was feeling apathy and such) but I wanted to take something..

Hopefully tomorrow will be good and I'll try to not take anything and just be sober.

Someone on a YouTube comment mentioned this cheap wine a person was drinking in a video. I looked up the alcohol percentage in the wine. Then I looked up which wines have the highest alcohol content. Australian & California wines, by the way. Why would I look this crap up when I'm 4 entire years sober from alcohol.

...

Crazy, right? I was a beer drinker & even after all these years sober I still react to light beer commercials. "Great taste? Who would care about taste!?" When I was drinking I'd just look at the alcohol content listed on the cans. No problem if it tasted like cat urine as long as the alcohol percentage was the highest! You might have a problem if...

I've been wondering how you were doing, childofchaos. Ten days is a long time! Congrats! I hope things are going welll with the woman you decided to talk with in AA.

Great job childofchaos831!

I want to buy isopropylphenidate cuz I'm so tired but I know that I won't.

It would have been likelier that I'd have bought methamphetamine if it wasn't all of a sudden being cut with isopropylbenzylamine.

So be careful @ Anyone buying meth cuz people are dying 5 fold from it recently due to cutting from lack of supply.

I used to drink two oceans merlot. I was a never found of the California or british columbia(home province) wines. Covid has made a living hell for all of us who are sober. I find it more challenging to stay sober.

Many people are experiencing the same thing. I know you're not a fan of AA, but I know of several people in the program who lost their sobriety during the pandemic. Isolation isn't a good thing...& most meetings went to Zoom -- which isn't the same. Folks got lost along the way. I hope you're doing OK, greentires.

I'm with you greentires. With the lockdowns and stay at home orders, I'm very isolated. I often think of drinking. The only thing that's saved my sobriety are zoom recovery meetings - non 12-step and frequent contact with my addictions Dr.

Hang in there - this period will eventually end.