Daily Check In #4

The other one reached it's page limit so here goes...

Tomorrow it’s 4 years 7months sober

Yay! Congrats!

Way to go greentires4me. That's awesome.

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I have always wondered what it would be like if I just started not counting the days I am sober. But also not counting the days I am not sober. I wonder what that would amount to. Regardless, I am going to be sober -- I just believe alcohol leads to more suffering for me.

What about getting a sober app to help you in your progress? Or a calendar you can mark up?

In addition to my ticker, in my signature, I have an app on my phone, that tracks sober time, and gives you milestones. Most of the time, I don't really think about how long I've been sober, although I really did in the beginning, but it's still nice to check my counters and see the time build up.

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Yeah, I feel like something physical would be best for me, as I tend to delete apps a lot. So, investing in a calendar would be good. I think I'm going to do that.

I've got it in my calendar on my phone the day I last drank. So I can reference. My sponsor has me counting self harm as well since I'm working NA and we agreed to count it as mood altering. So I have that day in my calendar too. I have the apps too, but I don't obsess over how long I have. A lady asked me at an AA meeting last night how much time I had since I said I was under 30 days and I had to look at my calendar... I didn't even know. Counting or not counting, either way can work. I've tried both and I think not obsessing but still counting works best for me.

I was down to 650mg phenibut last night and I think I felt withdrawals from that or weed withdrawal idk.. (Felt like I was going to fly into space). So I took 600mg phenibut this morning but I don't want to seem boring on the walk with everyone today so I took an extra 700mg..

Tomorrow I'll take just 700mg and decrease by 100mg a day.

I don't want to do drugs anymore. I want to study people that take chemicals.. and mice, etc...

I want to be a neuropsychopharmacologist

I was a mouse studying itself

No.. I can't do that.. It won't bring me happiness..

What will not bring you happiness?

Yeah I've been counting as of late.

I have a solid 12 days now!

I'm coming up on 30 days, on the 29th...

It's leap year so there is actually a 29th of February.

9
Days till 1700 days sober

Way to go childofchaos and greentires.
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Way to go greentires!

40 days here...

Greentires, that's awesome.

****s SAKE phenibut it like alcohol makes me social and I'm not social at all off of it. When I take it, I get peridlcarisis or what ever the **** and high blood pressure and these ****ing xanaxs and zopiclone are ****ed I want off everything I'm sick of waiting and life itself suck of people

My sponsor said something tonight that upset me more than I already was... I was trying to tell him I have been feeling sui. He said sometimes he feels like I want attention. WTF... I don't understand how someone can say that when the other person I already struggling. The only reason I survived Wednesday was because I dissociated... (I told the IOP T Thursday and we discussed things after group.) I haven't told my sponsor that part because he is also a social worker and I would really rather not deal with a welfare check. IOP T was ok letting me leave, I don't know what sponsor's level of comfort is... But really, I want attention because I get sui a lot? How about I'm sui all the time, at least passively, and I just don't mention it most of the time...

Sorry the whole "doing it for attention" mindset really pisses me off... I just needed to rant for a minute.

childofchaos, you're sponsor sounds spectacularly uninformed, especially if they are a social worker. Personally, if it were me, I just wouldn't mention it to them again, and just would consider dealing with the the SU ideation with help of your IOP and T.


I'd also consider looking for a new sponsor who has actual experience in dealing with mental illness. That's why I really like double recovery meetings. They get it, and it's ok to talk about both mental health and addiction in the meetings.

Hang in.

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Sponsors are hard to find at my home group. I'd have to go to another group to find one... I'd actually thought about that too. There just aren't any double recovery meetings here. We have one NA meeting that advertises mental illness talk is okay. And my home group is okay with it too. Some groups aren't.

115 days!!! In 5 days I'll have 4 months!! I give this win to my higher power. May you find something that helps you.