[trippinmickey]

I've been clean and on my meds. for my bipolar for over a year now .I've made the mistake of going off my meds. a couple of times before over the past 5 years and using drugs was one ways I handle being off my meds. But now I have been thinking the using to fit in . Let me explain my wife and kids are at opening day baseball for my son its a big event but I'm home alone i just cant handle all the different people the the sounds and movements it makes my head spin and I will start freaking out .In the past I have used drugs to deal this and they work great I'm able to go out and do things like normal people spend with my family and have a good time .Its hard never going to family events or baseball games out to the mall so I don't wont to use to get high but just to be like every other parent I'm not going to use I've learned not to make that mistake but as I sit here alone today its all I'm thinking about .

Dose any one else go though this?

[Perna]

Oh, trippinmickey, that's too bad you have to miss time with your family. I understand about the noise and movements; I had that problem with going to the Circus with my husband; thought I'd have an interesting time (had never been to a circus) but I had to shut down instead and was miserable. My husband didn't understand and wouldn't leave.

You should teach your wife to do streaming video :-) Then you could watch just the "event" without all the surrounding goings-on. Have you ever thought of trying to invent a "blinker" device like they have on some horses in horse races so they will stay on task and not get spooked by their shadow (very common; horses see their shadow and try to "jump" it which gets them out of stride, etc.) or the other horses around them? Maybe doing something like videotaping an event so you focus only on what's in front of you would help?

[DePressMe]

trippinmickey, I spend a lot of my time alone in my house. It is extremely difficult for me to be in a crowd. All the commotion confuses me and makes my head spin. Then, although I know it is not true, it feels like everybody is staring at me--like they know how anxious I am--they are just waiting for me to do something stupid. Drinking and taking drugs did calm me down enough to be able to be out in public. Now, I try to get out when I am feeling strong, but I don't force myself to stay at an event very long or to go to a bunch of them. Maybe you should talk to your pdoc about some meds for anxiety. They might be able to give you something to help.