[iamtwilight]

On May 9th I saw my most recent abuser (who is STILL causing me nightmares and all kinds of other crap even though it's been 7 months since I cut her out of my life) and even though she did not see me (I hid), I was in a state of shock. I went to the store and got myself some alcohol.

-sigh-

Then I was drunk on May 15th and May 16th.

My boyfriend does not believe in my alcohol-sobriety anymore, it seems.

That is not good. If we get to go to Sweden and move in together, I can't continue relieving my stress and anxiety with alcohol. I will be just like my father.

but I really don't want to. Not anymore. Maybe I did when I was younger, but I did not know of this side of him back then. He didn't make fun of me or my mom. He didn't hit us. This person is not fun. I don't want to end up like that.

I s w e a r I don't!

I've been sober for 3 days today.

Thanks for listening.

[DePressMe]

Hi Katie_Kaboom. Congrats on 3 days--the first few days can be some of the hardest days we ever face. It does get better!

I am in the same boat as you when it comes to not wanting to end up like my father--my biological father. He is a major alcoholic and I saw myself turning into him. That was scary--it still scares me to know that if I pick up, I could end up just like him.

Dealing with the abuse is going to be an important part of getting and staying sober. I was abused and resolving some of those issues has been instrumental in me not only staying sober, but being happy. Therapy has really helped me. Journaling and sharing here on PsychCentral also has helped me.

Remember, we think we drink to relieve stress, but in the long run, it just makes things worse. Our problems are still there when we sober up. Mainly, I was just hung over and broke the next day.

Keep us posted about how you are doing...it helps to share.

I hope you are doing okay...I hope to hear more from you. Hang in there.