[MissCharlotte]

Last week my 22 y o son was arrested for DWI. He blew over double the legal limit. Luckily there was no accident and no-one was hurt.

This is not his first episode with dangerous alcohol interactions. He nearly killed himself once in high school and again in college, from alcohol overdose. Although we strongly suggested it, he has not gone to an AA meeting this week nor has he taken initiative to get counseling.

Today I told him that he could not drive my car unless he attends 90 days of AA first or get counseling. He is very angry at me and is moving out. He is trying to blame me, and said that all summer long I made a bigger deal of his drinking than was necessary.

I have such trouble surrounding this. I am a co-dependent type trying to construct a boundary and this is really hard for me. But, I won't stand by and watch him kill himself or someone else. I grew up in an alcoholic family.

Am I doing the right thing? It feels like the right thing.

[splitimage]

Miss Charlotte,

I'm really sorry - it's hard to watch someone you love not admit to a drinking problem. I think it's perfectly reasonable for you to not let him use your car until he gets some kind of help. After all it's your car and how would you feel if he killed himself or someone else while driving it.

The thing is, a lot of times alcoholics won't get sober until they really want to, at least that's how it was in my case so you have to remember to look after yourself too in all of this. Have you ever considered going to an Alanon meeting. I've heard really good things about alanon as a support network for friends and family of alcoholics.

He may be angry now, but maybe getting charged with a DWI will be enough to shake him up into getting some kind of help.

--splitimage

[ECHOES]

Sometimes the other person's anger makes us think we have something to feel guilty about. Probably that is a purpose the anger serves, although I know full well the anger is real. It's hard to keep it separate though. The anger is about him and his denial of what it being put plainly in view by way of the DWI and your asking him to get help. I also bet he is angry with himself but would never in a million years admit that.
His anger is to make you feel guilty so you'll change your mind. Stick to your guns, MissC!

We're here for you

[Christina86]

((((((((((MissCharlotte)))))))))))))))))

I'm sorry things are so rough for you right now. I think you did a good job, especially with trying to set boundaries. Sometimes that's all you can do to protect yourself. I hope he realizes soon that he may need to take a serious look at his drinking, but only time will really tell.

Take care of yourself.

[silentandscared]

L know it must be really hard for you to stick to your guns but it could have beenso much worse. He is really luckyto have you around him and hopefully soon he will be able to see what u see. In the meantime You Are Doing The Right Thing you are loving an dprotecting him.

Take Care of yourself in the processxxxxx