[Shrekterus]

My brother can and has been addicted to about everything. He's now lost is wife, daughter, house, car, etc.. My mother took him in and he's in DAY TREATMENT which I was against since he's been roughly 200 times and I think he needs long term care but that's not my question now.

So, my parents are divorced, Dad calls me last Friday (circulatory communication skills are a must for my family) and states that my sister in law called and told my dad that my mother, who is getting my brothers disability checks, only sent her (my SIL) half of what she needed to make her car payment and that my mother was with-holding my brothers klonopin (sp?) even though it is prescribed.

I then do the good thing that all good circulators do, call my mother this past Monday and tell her what I heard from my Dad. My mother think's he's doing better w/out his medication and sends me an e-mail she received from one of my brothers therapists saying how well he's doing (he could BS the Pope and not blink an eye so blah blah blah). I then tell her that I could give a flip about how well he was doing, my point in telling her was that HE HAS BEEN TELLING OTHER PEOPLE THAT MY MOTHER IS NOT GIVING HIM HIS MEDICATION. This was a huge beacon to me showing how he was using the triangulation to set up an escape when needed. She's not talking to me again which is fine but I suggessted she may want to address this issue with him since she thought he was doing great. Really, how else would my sister in law know he wasn't being given his meds if he had not told her and then made a point about them being prescription?

[Christina86]

((((((Shrekterus)))))))))))) Woah, I'd hate to be in that situation. Personally, I'd talk to your mother and convince her that he needs INPATIENT treatment, and if that doesn't work - talk to your brother himself. He's an adult, and if he's rational and realizes that he has a problem, he may be willing to seek help especially since it doesn't seem like him not getting a prescribed medication can reallllllllly be disasterous.

Just to be clear - your SIL is your brothers wife? Does she honestly want anything more to do with him, or she just wanting the money? I wonder why she wasn't the person to take him in, if he's her husband.

If all this fails - talk to your brothers therapists. I know there is "confidentiality" but it sounds like the Ts realllllllly need to be made aware of how messed up this situation is.

I'm sorry you're in this situation, as is your family. I hope you find a solution that actually helps all involved rather than just enabling bad behaviours consistently.

[Shrekterus]

Thanks. I'm trying to get a grip on the issues I'm dealing with in this situation. My mother WILL NOT find a way to get him in long term care which is what he needs - in my opinion. She's quit talking to me over my responses regarding him like my suggesstion that even a halfway house with day treatment would be more beneficial and leave him more accountable, than living with someone who needs to think he's getting better. It's a complete calling out on the BS factor - if he were around people that don't care if he makes it, they're going to be more likely to call him on his BS.

I feel horrible as I went off on my grandmother this morning for sending my sister in law (yes, his wife but she doesn't see she owes him anything at this point which is another crazy maker for me) money. My bro and his wife have lived off my family for years now. Well, not lived but used funds from my family to clean up their messes.

I'm starting to feel like Ferris Buelers crazy sister running around and trying to tell everyone what's really going on..... The solution, as far as I can see it is:

I need to stand my ground that I am not willing to participate in this mess any longer - EVER. I've told them before but I keep getting sucked back in.......

I know I should be somewhat concerned about his well being since he "has a disease" but honestly, he makes me want to puke.

Open to suggestions here if someone is seeing something I don't. I know my perspective is slightly skewed.

[splitimage]

It sounds like a really unhealthy situation and I think your instinct to try and pull yourself out of it, is good. But that's hard to do. You have to set really clear boundaries and stick to them.

You might want to see iff there's an alanon meeting in your area. It's for friends & family's of alcoholics to help them deal with the alcoholic in their life. I've heard really good things about alanon.

--splitimage