How many are not talking to their alcoholic parent?

It is hard! However, like you asked, how do you let someone in your life after they've caused so much pain? Even if he's sober now & apologizing his *** off (you didn't say).

In my situation, my now-sober mom is apologizing her *** off in letters. But for 2 years prior to her getting sober, she was so evil towards my wife (You can't even imagine -- or maybe you can.) Understandably, my wife won't forgive her, and if I were to think about forgiving my mom (not anytime soon --everything is still so raw), it just brings friction into my relationship with my immediate family.

I almost wish she'd start drinking again so that right and wrong would be much clearer to me. In other words, if she were drinking now I'd feel no guilt about not speaking to her.

My mom made me feel eternally guilty for not keeping in contact with her. I purposely lived fairly close for many years because of that. She did it...she disowned me after my dad died, accused me of things I didn't do. My siblings want me to make up with her but I refuse. Enough is enough. It's time to draw the line.

I know how you feel.Both of my parents are and still recovering being alcoholics and dealing with them is always a painful emotional experience for me at times.Its easy to move away and not pick up the phone when they call, but sometimes I miss them even though they messed me up in in the head.I still have some sort of love twoards them.Its always ends up to be a bad thing because it takes days to recover from each holiday event I have to attend with my own family.

I speak to my mother now, she is supposed to be a recovered alcoholic but I caught her out recently, now I've lost my trust in her again. My father on the other hand can kiss my butt. I only met him when I was 18, we never got along, and then after a huge fight I cut him off completely and deleted his numbers from my phone.

Your therapist knows you better than I, but I question the wisdom of advising you to renew contact with someone whom you had to get yourself away from for good reason. I've been there and done that with a sibling. Getting back involved caused me major pain and nothing good came of it.

When a therapist advises that, I'ld get a second opinion. What is supposed to be the point? Like - does the therapist think you will somehow resolve old issues? I doubt it. If your mother is still using, I doubt she's going to be a beneficial influence on anyone, least of all you. I can't help thinking that the therapist is looking for new material to address in your sessions . . . new conflict. Taking that advice would be a way to bring new conflict and turmoil into your life. For what?

Some relationships just can't be fixed.

In my early twenties, my relationship with my bipolar alcoholic father got so bad that I finally put up a boundary and absolutely did not speak to him for two years. He was angry, he threatened to disown me, etc. but I just couldn't speak to that man. I realized I needed to protect myself - I have enough issues alone as it is.

We started talking again about three years ago, and I tried very hard to talk with him on the phone every day, to tell him I loved him, etc. but this last December he began bullying me about my refusal to come eat at his house with him (when he's been drinking). He told me horrible things. So I put up the solid boundary again; I blocked him on my phone and my email and didn't speak to him until early March of this year. I don't talk to him every day on the phone any longer like I used to and am not going to be open to him like I was for three years. He's out of chances. So I am technically talking to him but on my own terms... and right now I am choosing to barely talk to him.

I have no contact with my dad. I mailed him a farewell letter some time ago and cut off all communication. Both of my parents are alcoholics. The difference is that my dad only cares about and sees himself. Forget the rest of the world. And he's responsible for the majority of my childhood issues. So bye bye daddy!

Mom on the other hand is a good person, she just has a lot of issues from her childhood. I wont turn away from her, but my dad is staying in my past.

Hey I am new to this site, I'm 19 from UK and my mum is an alcoholic. She blamed me tonight. Can it really be my fault?

She said it was because I am quite twitchy and nervous .. which I am.

But why should that make her drink?

It's been going on for years, and now I am old enough to realise she drinks every single night, hides bottles of wine, etc, it's affected me. a lot.
My dad knows, but doesn't do anything about it. I know he is in denial, and always tells himself excuses why she does it, even though he's admitted to me before he was worried.

I moved out last year because of it, using all my uni loan, work wages and lived poor, but had to get away from seeing a completely different person every night after 8pm.

Please give me some words, I think it's time I spoke to people in the same situation or at least know some stuff. Sorry for commenting on this page but I only just signed up and wanted to get this out. If there is another room or whatever on this site I'd like to know about it

Thanks x

(sorry)

I do not speak to my dad anymore. I can't. When he would call, he was focused more on asking me how my mom is, who lives close by to me. They were divorced when I was young. He is remarried x 4 and needs to get over her and concentrate on his current wife. I won't go into what happened as I do not want to upset anyone and it upsets me still.
He was horrible when I was at home growing up. I tried several times to talk with him about the things he did and he denied ever having done them, this was well after I moved out and was only by phone.
When I went into the military, I thought I was safe from him. Wrong, I came home after a deployment and didn't realize he was drunk and as an adult, he assaulted me again.
Physical, not the other.
I can't and don't want anything to do with him...not right now. He is my biological dad....for now...he was never a father.
Maybe at some point I will be able to work up the courage to write him a letter and lay it all out...but until then, I am just going to continue to work on me and enjoy my mom and my son.

I was abused, but my son never was. He is 21 now and a smart wonderful and loving young man.

I "BROKE" that cycle and I am proud of him and myself for that!

Until they accept that they have a problem, you will just be going in circles.

Much love to all.

Stay safe

My parents both my birth parents and my step dad were alcoholics. All of them stopped drinking about the same time and that was as frightening and difficult as the drinking itself was. I became the stand in parent for 4 other children and for my parents as well. There was constant fights throughout those years and my mother continued the abuse that was part of my life even when the booze was gone. Now I will give them all this they have recovered and never went back to the bottle but I recently found out the cycle of abuse continued after I left when I was 17. I always thought it was just me, now I can't forgive myself. I have never had contact with my mother or step dad since the day I left for college, she slapped my face and called me names for leaving that day. I was so proud of my daugher at that age the cycle has stopped now.

I'm new here too. 49 years of insanity in my family. I've turned my back 3 times, this time though ... I'm walking away for good. I just can't live in their nightmare anymore. So yes, I basically have stopped talking to my alcoholic/addict parents and sister. Amazing how even when we aren't in contact with them, they still make us feel terrible about ourselves though, isn't it?

i had to leave home when i was 16 because my alcohol abusing mother took my brothers and abandoned me to my alcoholic child-abusing father.... it was either leave or kill him in self-defense. i never forgave him. i spoke to him a few times over the years, when i would come back for a visit, but he was still the shallow cripple who hurt people and then lied about it.... so basically i didn't speak to him for 30 yrs, til he died. i still don't speak to him, in my heart he died 4 decades ago. i ignored my mother as long as i was gone, too, but when i came back home, i really had forgotten why i had turned away from her,,, it didn't take 6 months to be reminded. she was still drinking and still abusive. finally she starved to death, i forget how long ago, 4 or 5, maybe 6 years ago. the longer she stays dead the better i like her.

my family, on both sides, has a long tradition of shunning people, especially their parents and children, so i came by it naturally. i never regretted having or not having parents... in this world you eat the cake you're served or go hungry. in the end, i must say, i did learn many skills dealing with their problems that served me well in the bigger world. and taking control of the matter by cutting them off was the right choice for me.

what was astonishing and unexpected to me was how badly my brothers, who stayed at home, were damaged. by refusing to give up trying to bond with teflon parents, they became badly scarred, suspicious, unreliable, and .... alcoholics~! omg. one brother stopped drinking and became what i heard called a "dry drunk": self-righteous, viscous, emotionally emtpy and hard hearted. that is what hurt me to see.

i hope some researcher finds a "cure" for alcoholism soon, so it's victims can focus on their "other problems"... which i believe are not caused by the alcohol, but only released to express themselves. many of us are dealing with "double whammies", of brain disorders, early childhood abuse, and/or physical malfunctions. many here also find they have become alcoholics, too.

i can only hope that everyone who is willing, finds the supports and services they need to overcome addictions of whatever kind, and the insights and skills to reshape their own personalities to be who they would wish to be.

this is my one TRUE HOPE.
Gus

Cutting contact with my mother was the best move I ever made. Mentally and emotionally I was falling apart, I had to cut ties. It was hard, but if you don't look out for you, who will? That was 4 years ago. I got a call 2 weeks ago that my mother was found at my parent's house at the bottom of the swimming pool. She was home alone, drunk, walking around in the backyard, and fell in. After all of this, I do not regret cutting contact with her.

I don't speak to any of my family. Read thread on here why.

OMG! I cut comms off w my family 5 yrs ago. I forgave them after 10 yrs of therapy for all that they inflicted upon me in childhood. Then they did it again. I can't afford to reconstruct my life and mental stability every time they destroy them! No more for me! It hurts to not have them, but hurts more to have them. I support ur desk ion if u go that way.

I don't see them at all, and my life is much better for that.

I'd like to join in. I'm currently not speaking to my alcoholic and narcissistic father. The older he gets the more he drinks and the more narcissistic he gets. For a while I started calling him by his first name, as it has become hard for me to refer to him as "Dad" to others. He has really hurt me, and I've decided that it's easier for me to not talk to him right now. I don't have anything to say to him anyway, as I do not feel strong enough yet to do so for myself (you have to do it for yourself because you don't get anything in return from a narcissist). At the same time, I feel backed into a corner because now that it's been so long since I've spoken to him, whenever I do finally speak to him again, he will wonder why I haven't called him and come to see him in so long (i.e., make me feel guilty all over again). I suppose I'll tell him how I feel in due time, but for now I am working on me.

I rarely talk to my mom. She's been sober for 23 years, but she is a dry drunk, and our relationship has been strained again in the last 6-7 years. I stopped talking to her for 5 months when I was pregnant, and now the only time we talk is when i go to visit my family or they come here to visit me (which is only 2 or 3 times a year).
I just cannot handle being with her for many days, and I find talking to her just makes more stress due to the things she says. I asked her to go to counselling a couple years ago (after she offered to go in an email to me) and then she said she didnt want to go?! Sionce then my relationship with her is minimal. sad really that even when some people sober up they are still intolerable.