[surviving15]

This weekend was uncomfortable in some way. Last friday was the anniversary of the company I work in the warehouse. I was sooooo cold, everybody was thinking that I was crazy because everybody was sweating I never felt something like it, and then the worst part the dinner. I just wanted 2 or 3 shrimps and when I went to the table one of the presidents of the company was sitting in there. He knows about my anorexia and told me "it's good to see u eating I know it's difficult but I'm glad" NOOOOOOO I wasn't going to eat so I moved the food in the plate and the throw it away. I got home and ate my soda crackers like everyday. I would like to eat like a normal person but it's so difficult my stomach doesn't want to. On Saturday my husband wanted to eat outside we went to a restaurant and the only chicken they had was a little spicy wings so I eat a few with lettuce and corn (the only thing I eat everyday with 2 chicken fillets) and the pain in my stomach was awful I thought I would die. Just can't do it, can't eat nothing additional of what I eat everyday.

[eskielover]

Sorry you are struggling with this....I understand how you are feeling though....I struggled with that for quite awhile also.

Think the only thing that kept me alive for several years was part of a grilled cheese sandwich & a couple of oatmeal cookies every day. Anything else made my stomach feel so sick. I couldn't stand the smell of food because that would make me feel sick also....so husband had to cook for himself....luckily, he would make the food & I would eat what I could. If I would have had to fix my own food, I probably wouldn't have eaten at all.

It is nice to be able to really eat again. There are so many wonderful tasting foods that I am finally able to truly enjoy. I don't eat a lot....but what I eat, it's something I really enjoy.

Unfortunately, I still cant eat much at any one time. I go from a couple of bites to FULL immediately & there is no inbetween & at full, I can't eat any more. It really helps keep my weight at just the right place when I don't eat the wrong foods

[surviving15]

Originally Posted by eskielover

Sorry you are struggling with this....I understand how you are feeling though....I struggled with that for quite awhile also.

Think the only thing that kept me alive for several years was part of a grilled cheese sandwich & a couple of oatmeal cookies every day. Anything else made my stomach feel so sick. I couldn't stand the smell of food because that would make me feel sick also....so husband had to cook for himself....luckily, he would make the food & I would eat what I could. If I would have had to fix my own food, I probably wouldn't have eaten at all.

It is nice to be able to really eat again. There are so many wonderful tasting foods that I am finally able to truly enjoy. I don't eat a lot....but what I eat, it's something I really enjoy.

Unfortunately, I still cant eat much at any one time. I go from a couple of bites to FULL immediately & there is no inbetween & at full, I can't eat any more. It really helps keep my weight at just the right place when I don't eat the wrong foods

Thanks for your reply. Sometimes I would like to eat as a normal person. But I'm happy with what I eat. I keep loosing weight and also happy with that and don't want to stop. I know it's wrong and hope to work with that soon. Just need the courage and loose the fear of gaining weight.

[eskielover]

Even though my loss of weight was mostly because stress causes me to feel so sick I can't get myself to eat......when I start that weight loss, it does feel good & it's hard to want to stop it from happening (which was how I ended up medically having to have central lines & IV nutrition so many times). Sometimes the stress didn't end in time & others, I couldn't or wouldn't stop the weight loss.

What I have found that has helped me this time (last time it took me over 2 years to get through the anorexia caused by the trauma I went through with the home care person's abuse & my mother's dying of cancer).....is that instead of having the fear of gaining weight.....I took my control to make sure I stay within the weight range I feel I accept & is healthy. I promised myself that I would gain too much again (which happened after my first anorexia period because of horrible migraines, neck fusion & I couldn't exercise. Finally can function & can keep my weight completely within the acceptable range I feel satisfied with. Found it takes more control while allowing me the ability to eat some of the foods I really enjoy the flavor of. Much happier than passing out all the time & feeling horrible all the time.

Hope you can find that wonderful balancing point in your life. I know when I get sick or have a stress that makes me feel so very sick...the weight loss happens....it's always nice to have a little buffer of a few pounds to keep me from hitting the bottom too soon. Had that problem all my life.....finally learning how to better control it & I feel much better for it.