[azizaAkos]

My doctor spent a good deal of time talking about my weight when I saw. I honestly panicked not that I told her that that it was too high. My bmi was 20. Much better then it has been and in opinion too high! I told her it was much less and I'd gone for almost a year about 15 pounds less not on purpose but I litterally had no access to food. So I don't get why she was so worried when I've improved?!
Since the year I came very close to starving I have had more issues with food. When I did get food during that time frame I ate everything I could. Even now I still want to do that to a point and get almost panicked when I'm almost out of food. I get food stamps now and rides off and on to the store but still emotionally I know in still a bit mixed up about it.
To the docs credit I have been anorexic since I was a teen but I'm not as bad now and she was a new doc and didn't know my history...

[eskielover]

I think like you said, she is a new doc & doesn't know your history, so even at the starting place where she knows, she knows there is a problem.

I am so sorry that you had such a problem getting food......It's one thing when we don't eat because we have a problem eat......either we are controlling it or stress is causing the feeling of not being able to eat because of the nausea.....but when food isn't available......that has to be a horrible feeling.

Just a gentle reminder (& I am sure that a moderator will get around to editing your post), we are not to use actual weight OR BMI numbers because for some it can be trigger.

I do hope that you will be able to eat more normally now that you have food available...but I'm sure it's difficult to process the feelings you had during that year.

I hope you have a T to help you process all the emotions that you are experiencing.

[waggiedog]

Hello there. Yes I have to say I agree with Eskilover in that your Dr. was just being careful to satisfy herself that you are not still at risk. In saying that are you at risk and don't realise it? I'm sure the Dr. had good reason to check with herself things were OKi. You know, there are certain disorders that although they appear outwardly to go away, they lurk in the back of our minds and occasionally spring up when the going gets tough. It's just the way we deal with anxiety or loss of control (or so we think). I have borderline personality disorder but one of the many symptoms can be eating disorders. For the last 30 years I've had every eating disorder known to the medical proffession, and some which at that time were not. I still tend to go in and out of anorexia, yes even though I'm basically considered 'too old'! I think once you have visited your Dr. a couple of times she won't dwell on the subject. However hunny, are you sure you really are OKi? It's not just teenagers who suffer and there is help out there for anyone, so don't keep to yourself any anxieties regarding food/eating issues. Hope that helps. X

[azizaAkos]

Okay marking this a triggering sorry avout before****

I guess I just saw my weight as acceptable by doctors it was in the normal range. I still have non doctors ask me often but I didn't really expect it. To be honest I feel very over weight and not at all happy with myself I guess that's why the doc surprised me too.
Me and food are not good friends at all. Between the anorexia that then turned into self induced starvation as self harm then to actually truly NOT having any food then binging when I did to now with feeling fat. I feel like I'm all over the place with my emotions with food and have no one I feel like I can talk about it with rather for not feeling safe and confortable to feeling like they won't understand. So no it's really not under control.
I was very closely hospitalized at 21 but I left before it could happen.