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#1
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My friend is 15, she is a beautiful girl inside and out. She is struggling with anorexia, bulimia, self harm and depression. How can I help her survive this?
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#2
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Just listen and be supportive. Don't try to force feed her, don't tell her to eat more, don't tell her to simply stop hurting herself or get angry if you found out she did, don't bring it up constantly, and don't try to guilt her. Maybe try to talk to her about talking to her parents about it. The best thing you can do is just listen to her without passing judgement and express concern.
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#3
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As someone that as experience a few of those problems at the same time, too, if you talk about it, I'd address the depression piece first, but not without them bringing up the subject first. Depression gives way for many other things to develop if not addressed, and getting therapy or medication when necessary is greatly important. Depression will make every single one of those seem worse and/or more justifiable to the person because they feel so terrible inside.
If their disordered eating is particularly bad, it could be a major compounding contribution to depression, as when one is not receiving enough of the proper nutrients, body and mind go haywire and cannot function properly. However, if pursuing treatment for depression, a professional is able to judge which problem needs addressing first. Conversation like "It just seems like you could be a lot happier, and you deserve it," is way better than, "You need seek help, right now." Avoid phraseology that could seem like you're suggesting or confirming there is something "wrong" with them. Recognize these problems are struggles, not just habits that need breaking, and that everyone goes through their own struggles, respectively, and the way they feel is not stupid, but something that could be bettered. And everything growlith said is right. Don't be food or self/harm police. That's not your job. You're a friend, not their overseer or doctor. However, if you see things getting scarily bad, tell her parents if they are of sound mind, because there's a high chance they don't know about anything. If they're not of sound mind, tell the school counselor or a teacher your friend trusts. If you really fear she is at risk to seriously endangering her life or risk for harming someone else, that's when you want to do something like call the police.
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Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle ... |
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#4
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There are usually some very deep things going on in their life that has caused them to get to this point.....& there is nothing you can do to fix it. As others have said....be there to listen that is the most important....& if there is a real danger then action to keep her safe at the moment is about all you can do. The professionals are the only ones who know how to work on the deeper things to help them come to terms with them in order to finally one day they will themselves come to terms with the problems that have caused these things in their life.
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![]() Leo's favorite place was in the passenger seat of my truck. We went everywhere together like this. Leo my soulmate will live in my heart FOREVER Nov 1, 2002 - Dec 16, 2018 |
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#5
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Ask her if there is anything you can do to support her. Ask her what she needs, and keep asking because those needs will change quite frequently.
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Speak the truth. Seek the truth. Be the truth.
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#6
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The girl has to want her life. You can shove an NG tube down her nose and give her liquid nutrition all year long and you know what? It's a band-aid. It's life-support. She isn't dying because she won't eat, she is dying because she wasn't fed.
This child has suffered and this is how she has adapted...yes, it is a maladaptive mode, but where other fall to drugs or sex or other vices, she has found that her comfort is in controlling one thing rigorously that no one else can. Now she is addicted and afraid to let go of the control. You cannot help unless you have a way to see her to an inpatient program. An inpatient program for the general population of depressed/addicted patients won't work. They will not understand and they will tell her damaging comments which she will misinterpret, like, "You are starting to look healthier." That will terrify her, not encourage her. She is afraid of being healthy. An eating disorder specialty clinic is the only way to treat an eating disorder. They know well and good that watching every morsel and force feeding is counter productive. This girl has likely been a good little darling for a long while before the onset of this illness..., witnessing or suffering directly some wickedness. She has been resilient. But make no mistake. Every time you hear "kids are resilient" you can bet that a price will be paid for that resilience. Children who have no choice but to be resilient pay the piper later. I still cannot get on a scale. I have a bonafide phobia of scales and food, at the same time I yearn for freedom to eat without thinking about eating. I know there are those who think us selfish little brats for vanity. In reality, we toe the line just barely because we are supposed to stay alive but feel deeply that we shouldn't |
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